Amnesia620

My current roommate, Mel, and I have been best friends for eleven years. Twice now, Mel and I have "played the roommate game".
The first time was six years ago, the second time was four years ago. Both went sour and the second time we had it out. We had a falling out at this point, told eachother everything on our minds and stopped speaking to eachother completely for a little over six months. We made up and life went on.
In September, Mel called me up and asked if I would like to be on her lease for the two bedroom (duplex/house) place she had since her roommate just decided to leave. We agreed that Andy and I would not pay October's rent, she would cover us (I was waiting on money to come through for the sale of land) since I was, in a sense, saving her ass.
We (Andy and I) moved in on the first of October and shared a room. She shared hers with her boyfriend, Jim. There were arguments between her and Jim, however, rent for October didn't get paid.
Just for the record, Mel and I live and work together. We both work as servers and depend on our tips and small paychecks.

Now, this is where this gets difficult.

At the beginning of November, when I received my money for the sale of some of my land, she had received an eviction notice. Her name is the only one on the lease because her previous roommate hasn't taken his name off (we've not seen him since he left) so she can't take him off unless they both sign an agreement and she can't put anyone else on for the same reason. I paid October and November's rent plus late fees ($1237.00) and we both agreed she would pay me back half and that the following months we would pay 50/50 on the rent since Jim moved out and Andy was waiting on word of a new job. I felt that I was doing the right thing at the time, since she had allowed us to move in, etc. She said she would give me the majority of her tips...no money was given to me for the month of November.
At the end of December, Mel asked if I would pay the full amount and she would pay me back her half. I told her I want her to begin to pay me back and that I would keep on her, even had her agree at one point that she would sign a paper that says she does agree to pay me back. I paid rent for December. At this point she owes me $866 for her half.
In December, before Christmas, she paid me back $150 (I bugged her). She explained that she wouldn't be able to pay me back for the two weeks of Christmas and New Years since her son would be staying with her and she needed money to pay for gifts, etc.
Mel's lease is up at the end of January and Mel has decided her and her (most recent) boyfriend (who also works at the same place we do, as a cook) are getting a place together so Andy and I would like to take over Mel's lease here. However, Mel still owes me $711 and informed me today that because she owes her mom $180 in daycare she doesn't have her half of the rent for January. Andy refuses to help her out and I don't want to have her any further in debt with me.

What I'm asking is: She's already paying me back, so do I be nice and pay her half of the rent for January since we may take over the lease or should I say no way and go that way - which could cause her to be evicted or us not being able to take over the lease?

Please don't tell me to talk with her, she's not often home (over at her boyfriends) or when I do get to talk to her she acts very annoyed, "stressed", and overwhelmed. I haven't had her sign the paper yet, but if anyone should suggest I pay her half this month, she will sign it at that time which will state very clearly she is to pay me back within a timely manner. Court is not what I'm wanting to do, however, I will if there is no other way.
Please help. I really don't want to have to move again so I would like some advice on whether or not I should pay January's rent for her or not. She's already paying me back.

__________________
For example, I find that a lot of college girls are barbie doll carbon copies with few differences...Sadly, they're dumb, ditzy, immature, snotty, fake, or they are the gravitational center to orbiting drama. - Amnesia620

aintyoboyfriend

Money destroys relationships.

Cut your losses, don't ever expect to get that money back, and plan on finding a nice place to live when the lease is up.

Do you think she would get in the situation to have to borrow money if she could manage her money properly?

Amnesia620

Should I pay January's rent? Jim didn't pay the rent for October...Mel had her share.

__________________
For example, I find that a lot of college girls are barbie doll carbon copies with few differences...Sadly, they're dumb, ditzy, immature, snotty, fake, or they are the gravitational center to orbiting drama. - Amnesia620

aintyoboyfriend

My reason for saying that is based on my experience.

I let a dead-beat friend of mine stay in the spare room, for a nominal fee each month. The only catch was he had to get a job. He worked a couple of jobs for a week or two at a time, and then stopped working.

He then sold off stuff to pay his rent. He ran out of stuff for month, and didn't pay, so we ended up changing the locks. We have never seen that money, and don't expect to.

Jackebear

I hear where you are coming from...been there, done that...lost about $2000 and vowed never to get a roommate again (unless I was in a serious relationship). I have to agree with "aintyoboyfriend" and chaulk it down to a life lesson.

It's nice to be a nice person and you still can be nice to people in the future but with some discretion. You might lose a friendship over this but then a "friend" isn't supposed to stiff you for almost $900. I don't know about your work relationship but this might go sour too, so keep an eye open for a new restaurant or bar to work in.

If you are in a good relationship with your mate, you might as well take over the lease because I know how much of a pain it is to move, especially after only a few months.

Sorry about your situation...but in the long run you will become better for it.

Good luck.

__________________
Life's jounney is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn-out shouting, "Holy sh*t! What a ride!" - unknown

Amnesia620

I've edited my posts above so that my questions are clearly stated. I know about these "lifes lessons" and I know all about lending money. however, you are both making personal judgement calls on her person instead of helping me with the situation. Not everyone gets screwed over in these situations. I lent $1100 to my other best friend and was paid back within 18 months. I've lended money to Mel before and she has paid me back, as she's doing now...what I'm asking is if I should risk going further "out on a limb" for her or not.

__________________
For example, I find that a lot of college girls are barbie doll carbon copies with few differences...Sadly, they're dumb, ditzy, immature, snotty, fake, or they are the gravitational center to orbiting drama. - Amnesia620

anleja

Holy crap, this mirrors the situation I was just in... except yours involves more money.

I was friends with this guy since we were 11. Now were are 26. He lived with me for about a half year, and would pay me in installments... which sucked because rent was due the 1st, and he wouldn't finish paying me until the month was almost over, and then the cycle would start again the next month. Oh, he never bought t.p., and used my toiletries. We finally moved stopped living with each other, which I'm glad for because I still want to be on good terms with him.

So, I wouldn't suggest making a battle against her, if you value your friendship. However, you make it seem as if she has to pick and choose who gets her money, and this person is often not you... maybe you're being too nice? Since you know how much she makes, can you write up her expenses and inform her of how she should be able to give you?

Wow, this is a toughie. Sorry I had you read this far, but I really have no idea how you can get this money without going to court... although I don't hink court will be feasible, in that your name is not even on the lease, but I may be wrong.

*edit- is her financial situation going to improve when she is living in her new place? Maybe this'll enable her to pay you back easier, so maybe you could go "out on a limb." Big maybe...

Amnesia620

anleja - love the name! Thank you for the help! I know how tough this is...It's all kind of up in the air since I'm not sure what their plans are on moving - where and if they are getting a house or not...unfortunetly, rent will be due before I'm sure I will get all of the answers I need...Thank you for what help you could give...She is my best friend and we've been "family" for as long as we have been best friends...I'm just so lost on all of this.

__________________
For example, I find that a lot of college girls are barbie doll carbon copies with few differences...Sadly, they're dumb, ditzy, immature, snotty, fake, or they are the gravitational center to orbiting drama. - Amnesia620

anleja

that's funny, I am trying to get a mod to change it for me... perhaps I will keep it the same now that I've gotten such a glowing compliment on it.

Can you talk to her mom to see if she can hold off on collecting from her for daycare? Can she get daycare assistance from gov't? Sorry, don't know her situation too much to help too much.

Bryndian_Dhai

Personally, I would only suggest paying her half if you really want to take over the lease. And if you do pay her half, get a lender's agreement, make sure what she already owes you is in it, add the new amount, have her sign it, (I would make it contingent on your taking over the lease... then there is no "moving issue" to deal with... She'll have to move and sign over the lease) and have it notarized (or your equivalent if you're not in the States, I didn't notice). Anyway, that makes it a legal document and if you do find you have to take her to court, your ass is covered legally.... they'll be able to garnish her wages if necessary to recover the money owed you. (I figure if you have to take her to court, that's the end of the friendly lending anyway... garnishing her wages wouldn't be the nail in that coffin by then.)

Good luck... I don't work in your field now, but I did and I know how hard it can be to make ends meet if you have a hard night or two in a row.

__________________
“When facism comes to America it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross.”
~Sinclair Lewis

Amnesia620

Bryndian - Thank you. I hadn't even thought of that. I think I will draw up that paper and if she does sign it (I'm in Arizona - US) then I definitely will have it notarized. Taking her to court is the last thing I would want, but if that is my only option then yeah, the eleven year friendship is over.

__________________
For example, I find that a lot of college girls are barbie doll carbon copies with few differences...Sadly, they're dumb, ditzy, immature, snotty, fake, or they are the gravitational center to orbiting drama. - Amnesia620

Amnesia620

I'm thinking moving may be my only smart option

__________________
For example, I find that a lot of college girls are barbie doll carbon copies with few differences...Sadly, they're dumb, ditzy, immature, snotty, fake, or they are the gravitational center to orbiting drama. - Amnesia620

neekap

If I read things right, if your name isn't on the lease now, why not just pack up your stuff and move out and let her worry about the eviction?

I agree with previous posters.. Your chances of getting that money back are slim to none. Might not even be worth it to try to go after it.

little_tippler

cut her off, she's not your friend. Friends don't do that. Forget about getting the money off her and pay January if you want to keep the house. Been in similar "money-related" situations and people just never cease to surprise me.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

Amnesia620

Yes, well, we were recently broken into and robbed while we were home, sleeping (see my journal) and so we're definitely moving...nevermind the fact that our house phone was shut off due to Melanie *oops!* not paying the bill. *rolls eyes* I know for a fact, since I made copies of all the bills, that she hasn't paid the electric bill, either...

Should I make a payment on it? I have paid enough, however, electricity would be nice...and we can't run our space heaters without it...shit...any ideas?

__________________
For example, I find that a lot of college girls are barbie doll carbon copies with few differences...Sadly, they're dumb, ditzy, immature, snotty, fake, or they are the gravitational center to orbiting drama. - Amnesia620

braindamage351

Just pack up and leave without paying anything.

Demeter

You can keep the friend, or battle for money you may never see anyway. There's no way of winning these things. Sometimes when we try to help somebody out we screw both parties.

IowaEric

While she may have paid you back in the past, she doesn't seem to be making a huge effort to do it now. Why extend yourself any further for it? I have no problem lending the amount of money you have to a friend, but if I can't see an honest effort to make payments on that loan, I pretty much consider it a mistake that I won't be making in the future.

It doesn't sound to me like she's making much of an effort to pay you back at all, since she has been borrowing from the day you moved in. Your friendship with her is something I obviously won't fully understand not having met either of you, but from your original post it sounds a bit like you've been used in this situation.

Amnesia620

No, you're right. She's really taking advantage of this situation. She's being evicted. We're lining up a new place as I write this...I've done enough...

__________________
For example, I find that a lot of college girls are barbie doll carbon copies with few differences...Sadly, they're dumb, ditzy, immature, snotty, fake, or they are the gravitational center to orbiting drama. - Amnesia620

guthmund

Good for you.

It's oftentimes hard to break the status quo, but it's almost always rewarding.

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Hardknock

Her being very "annoyed" or "stressed" is her way of stalling so she doesn't have to pay you back. If it's been this long, don't ever expect to get that money back. You just might have to cut your losses and move on.

Amnesia620

I am when it comes to the $700 she still owes me...chalk it up to NOT doing this again. 3rd times a charm, right?

__________________
For example, I find that a lot of college girls are barbie doll carbon copies with few differences...Sadly, they're dumb, ditzy, immature, snotty, fake, or they are the gravitational center to orbiting drama. - Amnesia620

Amnesia620

Well, I decided not to pay January's rent, and we are moving out on Friday. Life will be better without outside roommates...It will, also, be nice to have our own space again...

__________________
For example, I find that a lot of college girls are barbie doll carbon copies with few differences...Sadly, they're dumb, ditzy, immature, snotty, fake, or they are the gravitational center to orbiting drama. - Amnesia620