Jesus Pimp

Seriously why can't friends be considerate of their friends? I'm tired of making effort to stay in touch with certain friends. I have this one friend who always seems too busy to hang out or even make time to meet up with me yet he makes plenty of time for his other friends. He recently moved to NYC and seems to have gotten worst. Whenever I'm going to be in the city I ask him if we can meet up. He's always like I don't know, I'm pretty busy. So the next time I talk to him and ask him what he did last weekend, he'll say "oh I went to the hamptons with some friends." Uh so what about me? Can we hang out sometime? "Uh I don't know. I'm pretty busy." Like WTF? So I am sadly crossing his name off the ever shortening list. I'm tired of caring.

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Never date anyone who doesn't make your dick hard.

MageB420666

Well it's obvious that this "friend" does not want to do anything with you say I say forget about him. I hate people who are like that. I think that if you don't want to hang out with someone anymore you need to tell them, not start avoiding them until they figure it out for themselves.

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Apathy: The best outlook this side of I don't give a damn.

Manic_Skafe

If you're looking for friends you can meet me in central park at 4am this sunday - I'll be the naked guy with the astroglide and you be sure to bring your....friendship....

I've been the ignored friend and the busy asshole so I know what it's like - don't cross him off your list of friends. Just leave him on your waiting list, if he ever calls you then he does care about you and if he doesn't then he doesn't. In either case you'll eventually find out how much your friendship means to him.

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jizzmasterp

In defense of your former friend, its very hard for a guy to break up with another guy friend. Ignoring someone is really the only way to do it. Refer to Seinfeld for further information

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CoachAlan

Yeah, it seems pretty clear that this guy doesn't like you. Or, if he does and he treats you this way anyway, then he's not the kind of guy you want as a friend. Either way it's usually best to just let him go. There's no need to call and tell him off. Just don't call him any more. He may come around at some point, or maybe he'll be glad you finally stopped calling him.

Either way, you'll be able to move on. No need to stress over this situation when you can take control of it by letting him go. (You know, "If you love something, set it free...)

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"If I cannot smoke cigars in heaven, I shall not go!"
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KellyC

Damn man, I can totally relate. It sucks when a friend do (or don't do) that. I have one who fits what you describe, he made some new friends and seems to forgot about me. My solution? Forget him too, maybe he'll come to his senses, maybe not. One thing for sure, next time we meet, I'll talk to him about this. Maybe you should too.

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Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.

Jackebear

As my gramdpa once said to me "At the end...if you can count your good friends on one had...then you have had a good life."

True. As of now, I have 4 who I can count on if I am in serious trouble.

Just call your 'buddy' in NYC an acquaitance. I have lots of them.

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Life's jounney is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn-out shouting, "Holy sh*t! What a ride!" - unknown

Cynthetiq

It's part of the ebb and flow of life, that's why you have best friends, good friends, friends, acquaintances, and estranged friends.

Don't fret. I have a coworker that when we were working next to each other we became the best of friends. I even at one time considered him my best friend on the east coast. When I got moved to another floor and different boss, our friendship started to drift. When I got married, the gap widened. I got laid off and didn't come into the city for some time. It widened even more.

He started his own company with an old good friend of his. He works stranger hours than I have ever. He never has time to hang out with me anymore. He flakes all the time when we make plans. I confront him on this every so often and he agrees that he's been a shitty friend.

Will I cross him off from my list of friends? No. Over time, the friendship will either resurge on its own, or it will wither away completely.

I do purge my address book every few years. I have put people on the maybe list, and when it comes time to purge and I've not had any interaction, even emails (not hahaha read this FW ) the get purged.

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Rodney

A lot of guys are like this. I've been like this. He's gone to a new town, he's made new friends, he's got a new life, and there's no room for you in it.

Like somebody else said, there are degrees of friendship. There are people who are your friends even if they live a hundred miles away and you haven't talked for two years. Call 'em up, and they'll say, "Come on over." And then there are people who, if you did the same thing, would put you off and wonder vaguely why you're bothering them, because to them you're part of the past.

Does this mean that there are two kinds of people -- those who do this, those who don't -- or two or more kinds of friendship? I think it's the latter. Friendship to a degree lies in a commonality of interest and shared experiences. Sometimes that commonality lies mainly in proximity -- you two are friends because you live near each other or work together and see each other all the time, and get along moderately well, so you make a lot of plans together. And when that proximity vanishes because somebody moves away, so does the friendship.

In short, some people are around you because you're their friend, and some people are your friends because you're around. I place no blame, no fault in these situations, but it's easy for a sensitive guy to get confused.

raven12

If he doesnt want to continue his friendship with you, then he was probably never your friend.

Bill O'Rights

That's not true. Life is dynamic. Things are always moving, shifting and changing. Priorities change, loyalties shift and friendships often wane as a result. It sucks, no doubt about it, but it is nonetheless, a fact of life. Just because life takes people in different directions doesn't mean that they were never friends to begin with.

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"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

RainbowBright

I think this guys is trying to in a nice way move away from your friendship. Honestly would you really want to hear "I don't want to be your friend anymore"? In social situations there are nuances that you have read between the lines. If we all said what we really think we'd all hear a lot of things that do nothing more than hurt and don't serve any purpose.

I once had a friend I simply tried to create space with. I didn't invite her to one event and she started calling, IM'ing, emailing me constantly. I finally had to ask her not to be my friend anymore. It was a sad situation. If she had simply accepted I didn't want to see her one night we'd probably still be friends.

Merlocke

quoted from some dude in a chatroom.
"I don't have any friends... just lesser degrees of enemies"

weird guy though - but interesting methodology of thinking nonetheless.

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-=[ Merlocke ]=-

irseg

It happens. Don't completely count him out of your life, but don't depend on him being around either. Most friends come and go, and if even one friend out of everyone you know sticks around on a long term basis and stays in touch no matter what is going on or where you live, you're far better off than most people.

gar1976

Just count it a bonus if he actually shows up for anything, and ignore him otherwise.

My biggest gripe about friends is the ones who back out on plans at the last minute. You know, the single, childless friends who don't understand it takes four freakin' hours to pack nowadays and call as you're getting in the truck to say they aren't going to make it.

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Blistex, in regards to crappy games -

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combatmedicjen

AMEN!!!

I recently had a homecoming/housewarming/post-wedding party after being gone for almost nine months, and I invited all of my "friends." Very few RSVP'd, and even fewer came. Now I know who my real friends are.

I'm tired of caring, too. I bend over backwards and go out of my way for my friends, and they can't even drive an hour see me after nine months. So I say fuck 'em. I'm writing a new chapter in my life, and they're not included.

Grondar

I can definitely relate to this experience; especially lately.

I try to make it a learning experience, and use it to better myself and make sure I am being a good/great friend to those that want me to.

I have often debated "pushing" the friendship; IE, I keep calling/bugging the "friend" in attempts to get things going, but I think that just resolves in a lopsided friendship (I want to be there, they don't), so instead I just let it go, and let what happens happen. I don't recommend "chasing," because it seems to me it's a waste of time. If they don't want to make time for you, accept it and move on, or at least let them start things up again.

I will also agree that there are definitely different "levels" of friends. I have a select few who are very high on my list, but not many. After that it drops off to good, average, and acquaintances. The friends aren't set at their levels, and can move up and down except those on the "very high" list. They generally are consistent; and that's why they are at the top of my list. I don't have a physical list, but am just presenting an example.

Realizing this, I try to be a "top of the list" friend to those that want/allow me to be.

It's interesting to note key/important experiences that arise in life, and see who is there for you, and who bails out. I think these situations are what ultimately let an individual see who their true friends are, and who the "posers" are.

It's a nice feeling to know there are one or two (maybe 3) people out there that really care about me (or you, anyone), all the time, and not just when it's convienent for them. It's also a little depressing to realize there are quite a few acquaintances I can't say that about. But again, it just makes those that are my true friends that much more important to me, so I guess it all works out in the end.

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"Yes, I rather like this God fellow. He's very theatrical, you know, a pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence. Gotta get me some of that." -Stewie

irseg

Plus it's incredibly annoying to the chas-ee. I have one particular friend who I really like, but sometimes I get busy and don't have time to talk all day about how drunk he got last night or whatever. I'd be more willing to make time for him if it wasn't for the incessant IM's, calling 4 times in a row in an attempt to get me to answer the phone, etc. Stuff like that just makes me want to cut people out completely.

PayUp

Cross him off the friends list and move him to the # 1 spot on you list of people that can kiss your ass.

Every day of my life I'm forced to add another name to the list of people that can simply kiss my ass.

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Born to Lose.