Seperation and divorce - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

crfpilot · 06-30-2004, 06:00 PM

Well my wife and I decided to seperate, and hopefully it will go smooth and she won't turn into a bitch. We seperated for awhile a few years ago and she was a royal bitch, so this time I'm hoping she realizes it's over and we can still be friends, does that ever happen? We just grew apart, we have nothing in common anymore.

But anyway, any divorce laywers out there? Any advice? Have you seperated and are you still friends with your ex?

Tinker · 07-01-2004, 08:40 AM

My divorce went smoothly and we are still good friends even now. We even do things together with my current husband. I do know a good lawyer and I am in so cal too.. you can pm me if you want the info.

powerclown · 07-01-2004, 08:52 AM

I can't understand people who get divorced saying they're 'still friends'. Then why didn't you stay married if you are still friends? Doesn't going through the pain of ending a marriage, by definition, mean that the friendship is irrevocably over? Maybe it never meant much in the first place. What am I missing?

ShaniFaye · 07-01-2004, 08:53 AM

My husband and I seperated 4 years ago...long story I wont go into...upshot is...we are going thru the motions of divorce...we have still lived in the same house the entire time and each of us has another person in our lives whom also live in the same house lol soon to be ex and my fiance get along great...when Im not around they hang out together and stuff (I would like to make sure everyone understands there is NO sex between hubby and me and hasnt been for 4 years).

Soon to be ex and I are still best friends...there is no animosity about anything...other than my SO is better than his ahahahah

wonderwench · 07-01-2004, 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by powerclown
I can't understand people who get divorced saying they're 'still friends'. Then why didn't you stay married if you are still friends? Doesn't going through the pain of ending a marriage, by definition, mean that the friendship is irrevocably over? Maybe it never meant much in the first place. What am I missing?

Relationships are living things which require nourishment and have their own cycles. It is possible to love someone, but to have grown apart, and no longer want a permanent commitment.

I am currently in a situation of my partner having "moved away while he was standing still." It is sad - but such things do happen.

ShaniFaye · 07-01-2004, 08:59 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by powerclown
I can't understand people who get divorced saying they're 'still friends'. Then why didn't you stay married if you are still friends? Doesn't going through the pain of ending a marriage, by definition, mean that the friendship is irrevocably over? Maybe it never meant much in the first place. What am I missing?

In our case we got married and we shouldnt have we were too young and did it for all the classic reasons you SHOULDNT get married. When we hit our 30's we realized that good friends is all we could be and it was time to admit that and move on. Being able to be friends is not a reason to STAY married when all the other things arent there. Think about your friends...would you want to be married to any of them? Friendship is an important thing in a marriage...but its not the ONLY thing, at least IMO its not

Rubyee · 07-01-2004, 09:36 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by ShaniFaye
My husband and I seperated 4 years ago...long story I wont go into...upshot is...we are going thru the motions of divorce...we have still lived in the same house the entire time and each of us has another person in our lives whom also live in the same house lol soon to be ex and my fiance get along great...when Im not around they hang out together and stuff (I would like to make sure everyone understands there is NO sex between hubby and me and hasnt been for 4 years).

Soon to be ex and I are still best friends...there is no animosity about anything...other than my SO is better than his ahahahah

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I am not laughing at you, but the fact that your situation sounds like the premise for an anime I just started watching last night, Marmalade Boy. Oh, how funny.

Really though, I am glad to hear that things are working out for the best. You have made a sticky situation work!

powerclown · 07-01-2004, 10:04 AM

Quote:

Relationships are living things which require nourishment and have their own cycles. It is possible to love someone, but to have grown apart, and no longer want a permanent commitment.

If you say so...but I'll never understand it.

wonderwench · 07-01-2004, 10:07 AM

Let me try again. At a particular point in time, two individuals may be perfectly compatible in a complete relationship: mental, emotional, spiritual and physical. They are travelling hand in hand along the same path. Over time, one partner may stand still, accelerate his pace, or take a fork in the road. Instead of travelling together, the two partners are now walking alone.

In this case, unless the two individuals can find their ways back to one another, it is best to get on with one's on life.

powerclown · 07-01-2004, 11:47 AM

Quote:

Over time, one partner may stand still, accelerate his pace, or take a fork in the road. Instead of travelling together, the two partners are now walking alone.

Granted. And this wouldn't be cause for consternation, pain, anguish, depression, despair and/or anger on the part of one or both for what reason again?

One or both partners are saying, "One of us must leave, we don't get along anymore to such an extent that we have to end the marriage; forget trying to tough it out, forget trying to get therapy, forget making compromises, forget the marriage vows, forget the property we share, it meant nothing to begin with, I don't want to be with you anymore! But lets just be buddies, OK?

I mean this isn't high school dating here. Yes you can say in hindsight that you just weren't meant to be together, a bad match, bad chemistry, etc. Having just gone to all the trouble, money, social acknowledgment, of getting married, and having it fail publicly, why wouldn't one just try harder to make the marriage work instead of breaking up and then pretending to be friends?

Sorry but I still don't get it. A little naive maybe, lol.

timalkin · 07-01-2004, 11:54 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by powerclown
If you say so...but I'll never understand it.

Same here. Why would you marry someone if you weren't 100% sure that you wanted to be married to them?

wonderwench · 07-01-2004, 11:58 AM

People change and grow. Who a person was 10 years ago may be very different from who he is today.

Rubyee · 07-01-2004, 12:33 PM

I get it just fine. The person you love now, you may not love so much later. The passion dies out, there are not so many new things to do. Some loves don't last. It doesn't mean you still don't care for that person deeply and wish the best for them, it just means that at a time, you feel more like friends, and think you could do better for yourself, and that person could do better for themselves.

powerclown · 07-01-2004, 01:27 PM

Quote:

Same here. Why would you marry someone if you weren't 100% sure that you wanted to be married to them?

Not only that, how can you say you're still friends after you get a divorce???? Weird!

Quote:

I get it just fine. The person you love now, you may not love so much later. The passion dies out, there are not so many new things to do. Some loves don't last. It doesn't mean you still don't care for that person deeply and wish the best for them, it just means that at a time, you feel more like friends, and think you could do better for yourself, and that person could do better for themselves.

The Grass is Always Greener Theory, lol.

ShaniFaye · 07-01-2004, 01:30 PM

Well I dont know about you...but Im definately not the same person I was when I got married 15 years ago life has taught me MANY things between the ages of 21-36

*Nikki* · 07-01-2004, 05:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by wonderwench
Relationships are living things which require nourishment and have their own cycles. It is possible to love someone, but to have grown apart, and no longer want a permanent commitment.

That might be possible for some people but not me.

An ex is an ex for a reason.

crfpilot · 07-01-2004, 07:30 PM

that's pretty much it, we both have changed in 10 years and changed in opposite directions. I really hope we can still be friends, but she is not talking to me and it is pissing me off, communication is key, especially in situations like this.

timalkin · 07-02-2004, 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by wonderwench
People change and grow. Who a person was 10 years ago may be very different from who he is today.

So...why do people even get married at all if this is the case?

Comments like this seriously scare the shit out of me. My parents got divorced, and I made a solemn pact with myself that I would never get divorced. It's just so fucking wrong, especially if you have kids.

wonderwench · 07-02-2004, 02:46 PM

It just goes to show that for a marriage to be a life long success, both parties must work at it so that they grow and develop together.

choskins · 07-02-2004, 03:33 PM

My ex was very unstable after we divorced. However, the day I remarried, her behavior completely changed. Since that time, she has been very civil, and I have no problems talking to her.

I honestly think that something clicked on that day, and she realized we were actually over.

Cycler · 07-02-2004, 04:53 PM

We had a good divorce as good as any are. We are civil I still take care of her dog when she travels, but friends, nah/

06-30-2004, 06:00 PM	#1 (permalink)
crfpilot Punk In Drublic Location: So Cal	Seperation and divorce Well my wife and I decided to seperate, and hopefully it will go smooth and she won't turn into a bitch. We seperated for awhile a few years ago and she was a royal bitch, so this time I'm hoping she realizes it's over and we can still be friends, does that ever happen? We just grew apart, we have nothing in common anymore. But anyway, any divorce laywers out there? Any advice? Have you seperated and are you still friends with your ex?

07-01-2004, 08:40 AM	#2 (permalink)
Tinker Tilted Location: California	My divorce went smoothly and we are still good friends even now. We even do things together with my current husband. I do know a good lawyer and I am in so cal too.. you can pm me if you want the info. __________________ "The man who alters his way of thinking to suit others is a fool." Marquis de SADE

07-01-2004, 08:53 AM	#4 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	My husband and I seperated 4 years ago...long story I wont go into...upshot is...we are going thru the motions of divorce...we have still lived in the same house the entire time and each of us has another person in our lives whom also live in the same house lol soon to be ex and my fiance get along great...when Im not around they hang out together and stuff (I would like to make sure everyone understands there is NO sex between hubby and me and hasnt been for 4 years). Soon to be ex and I are still best friends...there is no animosity about anything...other than my SO is better than his ahahahah __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

07-01-2004, 12:33 PM	#13 (permalink)
Rubyee I'm baaaaack!	I get it just fine. The person you love now, you may not love so much later. The passion dies out, there are not so many new things to do. Some loves don't last. It doesn't mean you still don't care for that person deeply and wish the best for them, it just means that at a time, you feel more like friends, and think you could do better for yourself, and that person could do better for themselves. __________________ You don't know from fun.

07-01-2004, 01:30 PM	#15 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	Well I dont know about you...but Im definately not the same person I was when I got married 15 years ago life has taught me MANY things between the ages of 21-36 __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

07-01-2004, 08:52 AM	#3 (permalink)
powerclown Junkie Location: Detroit, MI	I can't understand people who get divorced saying they're 'still friends'. Then why didn't you stay married if you are still friends? Doesn't going through the pain of ending a marriage, by definition, mean that the friendship is irrevocably over? Maybe it never meant much in the first place. What am I missing?

07-01-2004, 10:07 AM	#9 (permalink)
wonderwench Banned	Let me try again. At a particular point in time, two individuals may be perfectly compatible in a complete relationship: mental, emotional, spiritual and physical. They are travelling hand in hand along the same path. Over time, one partner may stand still, accelerate his pace, or take a fork in the road. Instead of travelling together, the two partners are now walking alone. In this case, unless the two individuals can find their ways back to one another, it is best to get on with one's on life.

07-01-2004, 11:58 AM	#12 (permalink)
wonderwench Banned	People change and grow. Who a person was 10 years ago may be very different from who he is today.

07-01-2004, 07:30 PM	#17 (permalink)
crfpilot Punk In Drublic Location: So Cal	that's pretty much it, we both have changed in 10 years and changed in opposite directions. I really hope we can still be friends, but she is not talking to me and it is pissing me off, communication is key, especially in situations like this.

07-02-2004, 02:46 PM	#19 (permalink)
wonderwench Banned	It just goes to show that for a marriage to be a life long success, both parties must work at it so that they grow and develop together.

07-02-2004, 03:33 PM	#20 (permalink)
choskins Psycho Location: Greenville, SC	My ex was very unstable after we divorced. However, the day I remarried, her behavior completely changed. Since that time, she has been very civil, and I have no problems talking to her. I honestly think that something clicked on that day, and she realized we were actually over. __________________ "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." - Sigmund Freud

07-02-2004, 04:53 PM	#21 (permalink)
Cycler Float on.... Alright Location: Where the wind comes sweeping down the plains, i.e. Oklahoma	We had a good divorce as good as any are. We are civil I still take care of her dog when she travels, but friends, nah/ __________________ "I'm not even supposed to be here today." "I assure you we're open."