feeling stuck.

[chimbleysweep]

i'm a senior in college - i lived with my parents through all of my college life up until about 3/4 months ago. (they don't support me any money.) i've taken up a part time job to support myself - i work 20 hours a week and i have 12-15 hours of classes.

at my job, i get $12/hour and i'm basically grunt work. i arrived at my workplace with hopes of finding a hero, someone i could look up to and inspire me, and help my personal and professional development. i haven't found that - i've found a lot of nervous people - winking executives, confused, angry managers. there is not a feeling of trust or unity in the company. (i hope this isn't the norm, but it may be.)

i've felt off for the last few years - i told myself that moving out would be the panacea i needed. it wasn't - i still feel stuck.

i'm beginning to see what the real world is like, and i'm terrified. i have two fears: the fear of being defective, and the fear of being overwhelmed by the world, and these have made me indulge in fantasy and detach from the world.

i pushed away all my friends for various reasons, except for one, a friend i've had since 5th grade. i met a great friend about 2 years ago, but i lost him. he revealed his sexual orientation and avowed his love for me. i wasn't interested, i tried to work it out for a little while, but then i just ran.

i have trouble doing anything in real life - i can't do homework, laundry, shopping, etc. i haven't focused on any one vice like others i've seen: computer games, alcohol, etc. i just don't have the motivation. do you know the feeling? when bedtime rolls around, i don't want to sleep, but i don't want to stay up. i can't focus to do anything, signing up for classes, getting the mail, etc. in my artificial intelligence class, i've made an A on both exams so far but i haven't turned in any homework.

my gpa has been dropping, from 3.75 to 3.5 to about 3.25. i'm going to be graduating in the fall/winter and i need to plan for the future. i'd prefer academia to the buisness world, but i've failed to prepare, so i probably won't be going to grad school after graduation. i''ll probably try to sort myself out. i'd like to stay part time because i value my free time.

how do i get out of this funk? i have some heroes, but i don't have a personal relationship with them. i feel too ashamed to bring my problem upon others. none of my aquantainces know i feel sad - all they know is i'm a private person.

[tecoyah]

Welcome to the real world , Neo.

As disheartening as it may seem at first, Life "out there" is nowhere near as bad as all that. Attitude is the key to happiness in this society. If you allow yourself to be overwhelmed by the reality of existance, you have failed yourself. If you take it for what it is (a learning experience) and run with the ball, you may fail, or succeed but you have lived. Nobody gets a guarantee of joy and bliss, and that is usually the kicker that pisses folks off. Oh well, such is life.
Make a plan , and make it happen. That at the very least allows you to follow a direction of your choice and gives you the right to bitch about the stuff of life. You need to EARN the right to complain, and that entails trying to succeed, if you never even try you will definately fail.

[Jesus Pimp]

I've had the same problem for a while. Tecoyah is right though. Make a plan and follow it. Work hard and don't give up. Finding a hero or mentor is good. Maybe you need to look for one outside your company. It's good to have a little guidance here and there.

[Polyphobic]

I have had (and to a lesser extent still do) the exact same problem. One realization that ended up helping me had to do with failure. Up to that point I had viewed making mistakes as the ultimate failure. Basically, this led me to fail more or avoid trying anything new because that may have caused failure. Eventually, I discovered that failing is part of learning. The only failure is when you do not learn from your mistakes.
As for the job you basically have 2 choices
1) Stick it out
2) Change jobs until you find one you like

Just remember, it takes most people several jobs to find one that they like.

Like the other posters said, make a plan. Determine what your goals are and how you intend to acheive them. Periodically, revist your goals and reasses them.

[thespian86]

I understand the feeling of a "Lack of motivation". I find it hard to get up and go through with the day instead of just doing things that make me happy. But all in all, we are just setting ourselves up for a struggle. I had a hard time when I went to work for the first time and I also felt the same way, it was like a television show, everyone was doing something and there is no one you can admire. I really don't know how I can help you because I can't help myself with this but, I just thought it would be good to know your not the only one.

[Johnny Rotten]

My spidey sense tells me that your working environment is casting a pall on your state of mind. I've been "out there" for a few years now, and I can confidently say there are some excellent places to work to be found. Having a good rapport with your co-workers, a stable company cashflow, and a job that you like doing can give your overall state of mind quite a boost. We all go out to lunch in groups pretty much every day, and have our favorite restaurants. Our department is also roughly the same age/generation and we have like-minded pursuits. People are intelligent, personable, and professional. If this sounds like a fairy tale or an oasis, then you might want to consider looking around. I can't and won't spend half of my waking hours cooped up in a cubicle doing mindless drudgery for assholes, and this determination is, I think, largely what got me where I am today.

People settle. People compromise. Every day, in where they live, what car they drive, the people they marry. But "good enough" isn't good enough for a lot of people, and they tough it out, push a little more, and earn better rewards.

You'd be surprised how easily an intimidating barrier will simply fall over once you give it a nudge.

Anyway, I think I lost my point back there somewhere and got off on a tangent. What I'm trying to say is that there is gold in them thar hills, but you have to mine for it.