Comprehend

I've made my decisions, I'm not necessarily looking for advice...

I'd just like to rant a little bit.

I wrote this over the weekend, I'm a bit more calm about it but I'm still rather shaken up.

I had the worst weekend of my life.

Let's say, hypothetically, of course..

I've become aware, both through my observation, and knowledge from someone, of something very wrong happening. The person who conveyed a key detail is something that they must have trusted me a great deal to tell me.

If I used this knowledge, it would be maybe stop whats happening, but hurt this person. It's illegal and has to do with drugs and a few other things, it involves many people

I am not involved, however.

I also learned about something else about someone I thought I cared about. I found out among her friends, that she saw me as some kind of fling...

She and her friends had a running bet about how long it would take for her to get me to have sex with her...the last few months have been complete lies and the result of the manipulation of a horrible horrible person...

Tis person used many of my personal details with her friends to show just how she had me on a string. I feel devastated and utterly foolish...

What I was seeing in her was more of what I wanted to see rather than what was really there. This weekend... I was very angry.. and left. She came back to talk to me.

She suffers from drug addiction. O don't know about suffering, as she seems to enjoy it and doesn't think there’s a problem.

I got rather violent (although I did not do anything to her), yelling, screaming. she was trying to tell me that there was something significant about our time together and I've made her feel in ways that she never has, something """real"""

I find out she sleeps around and is a completely manipulating and lying ... yes... fucking #$*&#&($*#$&*(#$&(*$ whore

I told her how I feel , we exchanged lots of words, it got to a point she hit me outright, very hard. I was so close to fighting her back, it took everything that I was to stop myself.

Instead, I started to cry...she started to cry… she crumpled there in my arms.

She's been on heroin for 8 months.

I told her I knew that I would never be anything greater than that obsession. I had no place there with her if she was a scheming manipulating conniving little ***********#$)#$&*#($*#*****.

What do you say to someone who says that you are the only thing of meaning that they've had in their whole empty life?

Today has been one of the most wounded lonely and exhausting days of my life.

I feel terrible, the only people who claimed they cared for me turned out to be psychotic, it must speak something for my own character or nature. This tears me apart, I'm ashamed and foolish for having fallen for such a thing. It hurts me, very deeply, to have been so naive to have thought I could have any kind of meaningful relationship with someone like that.

I saw her again tonight.

I told her what I had wanted to, without crying and more calmly. good bye, i tried to give her a music cd back but she wanted me to keep it. i said i couldn't continue on anything based on a lie. i told her she should seek help, because she has a very seirous problem and no one can help her but herself.

What's done is done. But I still feel horrible about it.

Peetster

You can't change some people, and most people you shouldn't even try.

Ask yourself why you seem to be drawn to people with these kinds of needs.

It blows, but you've been given a tremendous gift in the insight you now have. Sometimes it's just time to move on...

ladyadmin

Don't be ashamed or feel foolish; everyone makes mistakes and goes through trying times. Be thankful you aren't an addict or a beater.

In the end it's her who has to take the step to get herself off heroin. You could try to be her friend, help her seek help for herself but would it do either one of you any good? Could you handle being there for someone who abused you like she did?

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teflonian

It doesn't sound like these people are a direct reflection on your charcter or nature at all. They made their choices and you made yours. I commend you for yours.

Sounds like a very rough weekend regardless... Thankfully you have this community to come home to.

Kaos

You did what was best for you. Everyone has a weak or blind moment when in comes to relationships and you shouldn't feel ashamed or foolish AT ALL for putting your feelings out there.

WarWagon

I commend you on being able to finally see the truth. There are a lot of people who get into things much deeper than yourself. Everybody lets emotions get in the way sometimes, it can't be helped when you have a caring personality, which you obviously do. You shouldn't feel horrible about what you did, you only did what was right, and what anybody would have done in your situation. Hang tough, you'll make it through.

2kids1headache

I'm glad that you're out of that situation. People with serious addictions are not people that are ready for relationships.

Sorry that the person who meant something to you was a jerk(ette).

Mephex

You may feel terrible, and rightly so. But you should feel better about yourself, knowing that you have the strength to walk away.

This is the most important lesson that I have ever learned in any relationship, and I hope you can recognize the importance of learning this yourself.

Good luck.

tehblaed

While I understand where you are coming from in terms of the "What I saw / What she is" aspect (been there a few times myself), I think you are somewhat mistaken in terms of your next course of action. She said that you meant a lot to her, and she is addicted to Heroin.

Now, either you can walk away from her, being completely bitter about being lied to, or you could choose to do what I believe is the better, more compassionate thing.

I think you should be her friend, and try to get her some help. Now, I know that you did like her for what you thought she was, and now that you know the real her you don't really like her. Don't you think it would be a better thing to do to spare her the difficulty of losing someone she may actually care about, and try to help her out a little through life and addiction?

Sure, she may have betrayed you, but so what. She's got a serious problem. You mean something to her. I think the least you could do is just be her friend.

Walking away maybe the "strong" thing to do, but standing your ground and helping a person through addiction is much more compassionate.

Redjake

completely agree. if you can manage to hold yourself together, I would try to help her (even if she doesn't want a relationship with you). It's the right thing to do in a world where the wrong thing usually prevails

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bermuDa

I also believe you should stay with her as a friend and help her out.

regardless of your decision, your story moved me and I'm proud of you for handling it so well

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1337haxor

I went through a similar thing where I figured out that my best friend had been manipulating and lying to me since I met her. I felt betrayed since I trusted her. She had a serious problem and I confronted her about it. Guess what? she just lied to me some more when I tried to help her. Haven't talked to the crazy bitch for months.
You don't have to be friends with her, but try to help her. If she resists or still hurts you, just walk away. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

-Robert

spook75

How could you be friends with someone who betrayed you? no way, kick her to the curb.

For the original poster, you did the right thing. Pain doesn't hurt forever, although it seems like it.

Journeyman

Turnabout is fair play. She tells people your secrets, and her secrets warrant jail time in every state...

MSD

For her sake, you need to get her thrown in jail, which will be followed by court-mandated rehab. It's the only chance she has other than killing herself with self-destructive behavior. Your other choice is to wash your hands of the matter, leave her and her friends alone, and let whatever happens, happen.

You have no moral obligation to do anything, but if there's any compassion left in you, even for someone who so severely abused you, you should say something that will lead to her being arrested. It can save her life.

tehblaed

I hate to sound conceited, but my answer would be "easily". Not everything in life has to be tit for tat.

Hrm, what was it? "An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind"? Turning a blind eye to this girl's Heroin addiction could lead to her death.

The jail thing, yes, that would work. A little cruel, but it would probably work. Although, usually with these court-mandated rehabs they are usually sent to methadone clinics..and I think we all know what the success rate is with those.