Comprehend

I've made my decisions, I'm not necessarily looking for advice...

I'd just like to rant a little bit.

I wrote this over the weekend, I'm a bit more calm about it but I'm still rather shaken up.

I had the worst weekend of my life.

Let's say, hypothetically, of course..

I've become aware, both through my observation, and knowledge from someone, of something very wrong happening. The person who conveyed a key detail is something that they must have trusted me a great deal to tell me.

If I used this knowledge, it would be maybe stop whats happening, but hurt this person. It's illegal and has to do with drugs and a few other things, it involves many people

I am not involved, however.

I also learned about something else about someone I thought I cared about. I found out among her friends, that she saw me as some kind of fling...

She and her friends had a running bet about how long it would take for her to get me to have sex with her...the last few months have been complete lies and the result of the manipulation of a horrible horrible person...

Tis person used many of my personal details with her friends to show just how she had me on a string. I feel devastated and utterly foolish...

What I was seeing in her was more of what I wanted to see rather than what was really there. This weekend... I was very angry.. and left. She came back to talk to me.

She suffers from drug addiction. O don't know about suffering, as she seems to enjoy it and doesn't think there’s a problem.

I got rather violent (although I did not do anything to her), yelling, screaming. she was trying to tell me that there was something significant about our time together and I've made her feel in ways that she never has, something """real"""

I find out she sleeps around and is a completely manipulating and lying ... yes... fucking #$*&#&($*#$&*(#$&(*$ whore

I told her how I feel , we exchanged lots of words, it got to a point she hit me outright, very hard. I was so close to fighting her back, it took everything that I was to stop myself.

Instead, I started to cry...she started to cry… she crumpled there in my arms.

She's been on heroin for 8 months.

I told her I knew that I would never be anything greater than that obsession. I had no place there with her if she was a scheming manipulating conniving little ***********#$)#$&*#($*#*****.

What do you say to someone who says that you are the only thing of meaning that they've had in their whole empty life?

Today has been one of the most wounded lonely and exhausting days of my life.

I feel terrible, the only people who claimed they cared for me turned out to be psychotic, it must speak something for my own character or nature. This tears me apart, I'm ashamed and foolish for having fallen for such a thing. It hurts me, very deeply, to have been so naive to have thought I could have any kind of meaningful relationship with someone like that.

I saw her again tonight.

I told her what I had wanted to, without crying and more calmly. good bye, i tried to give her a music cd back but she wanted me to keep it. i said i couldn't continue on anything based on a lie. i told her she should seek help, because she has a very seirous problem and no one can help her but herself.

What's done is done. But I still feel horrible about it.