How to Tell your parents you are choosing to NOT have kids. - Page 2 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

analog · 07-17-2005, 02:22 PM

I knew as early as 11 that I never wanted to have children. Seriously. I started then, everyone laughed. They laughed at me through 14, 17, 18, 20... and finally around 21 or 22, they stopped asking and accepted that I was really serious when I told them "never" all those times. Now my mom will sometimes even make light-hearted jabs at my refusal to procreate and insists that some girl will talk me into it. I just keep shrugging, and she knows it's not an issue... it's not going to happen, period.

la petite moi · 07-17-2005, 03:23 PM

What a great thread. I've told my family that I'm not having children, and everytime, their response is: Oh, you might; you never know. Not only do my parents do this, but my co-workers and friends say the same thing, ocassionally. I was lectured by a co-worker about five-six months about getting an IUD so young because it could cause infertility, and as she said, I don't know what I really want at my age. >_>

Mondak · 07-17-2005, 03:28 PM

I think a lot of the problem with situations like this is that people tend to take your decision as an indictment that you think THEIR path is wrong. No matter how you phrase it most people are just uncomfortable when anyone deviates from their path. I think the most frightening thing is that most people reach their decision on this subject with relativly little thought compared to how important a decision it truely is. For a brief moment, a synapse fires somewhere deep down that tells them that you DID think rationally about your choice and all they really know is that they are angry.

When it comes down to it, they are mad at themselves. Crazy, but I really have seen this in many areas, but most often in family makeup, religion and politics. Something in people is wired to follow and when they see something that is not following, they are very angry.

How to tell them? My approach is not the right or easy path: be completly direct and let them choke on it. "We are not having kids. Pass me the asparagus."

shesus · 07-20-2005, 06:56 PM

I was reading down through this post and it is nice to know that I am not alone. I thought that I wanted kids when I was younger. However, now I am set in my ways and we don't live around any family. I say that I am selfish because I don't want to have to share my time, money, and husband. But actually I am not selfish because I don't want to have to resent a child. I think my family has accepted that I will most likely never pop out a child. The fact that my 3 cousins each have 4 and I have none is a huge indication. Plus, the fact that I call them pint-sized monsters and asked my cousin's 4 month old baby why he was crying. I passed him along after about 30 seconds. I like kids and all, I am a teacher and I work with them daily. However, it is nice to leave them for the night. When you have your own child you never have a break. Plus, my step-daughter is 15 and I really don't think that I can go through these teenage years with another child.
I will never say never, but most likely I will not. Yet, I wonder if I will regret it when it is too late. I guess I am still torn between the decision. Of course my doctor is going to stop prescribing birth control in about 2 years (he says that smoking and the pill is not good for a 30 year old). So, at that time who knows...

Min · 07-20-2005, 07:11 PM

Honestly, my family is thrilled I don't want to have children. I would be called the black sheep by most but I prefer to think of myself as more the technicolor sheep. My family's views are quite traditional, the fact I think out of the box, in their opinion, makes me bad parenting material. As a case in point, my brothers-in-law don't want me near my nieces by chance I 'corrupt' them in some way.
I am a free spirit and an open thinker, I would want to pass that on to the next generation.

When I was younger and more conformist, I announced my intention to not reproduce and the response was "you'll know better when you're older" or "oh, you'll change your mind when you're older", something along those lines.

OPgary · 08-03-2005, 06:38 AM

I can think of no issue that is LESS other peoples business that this one. This issue is for the couple alone to decide. Religious people seem to often want to convert you to having a child or two. But it is the actual couple's decision. No one else should have any input at all.

ngdawg · 08-03-2005, 07:15 AM

Just as many thought I was nuts to go through 10 years of fertility treatments to have kids, there will always be those that think it's nuts to choose not to.
It truly is none of their business, you don't owe anyone explanations and whatever decision you make, it is your life to live that's important. Anyone choosing to do something based on the pressure of those around them are doomed to be quite lousy at it and regret it.

Sugarmouse · 08-04-2005, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by analog

I knew as early as 11 that I never wanted to have children. Seriously. I started then, everyone laughed. They laughed at me through 14, 17, 18, 20... and finally around 21 or 22, they stopped asking and accepted that I was really serious when I told them "never" all those times. Now my mom will sometimes even make light-hearted jabs at my refusal to procreate and insists that some girl will talk me into it. I just keep shrugging, and she knows it's not an issue... it's not going to happen, period.

how i felt exactly!!!im 23 now and jus about beleived i think

07-17-2005, 03:28 PM	#43 (permalink)
Mondak Industrialist Location: Southern California	I think a lot of the problem with situations like this is that people tend to take your decision as an indictment that you think THEIR path is wrong. No matter how you phrase it most people are just uncomfortable when anyone deviates from their path. I think the most frightening thing is that most people reach their decision on this subject with relativly little thought compared to how important a decision it truely is. For a brief moment, a synapse fires somewhere deep down that tells them that you DID think rationally about your choice and all they really know is that they are angry. When it comes down to it, they are mad at themselves. Crazy, but I really have seen this in many areas, but most often in family makeup, religion and politics. Something in people is wired to follow and when they see something that is not following, they are very angry. How to tell them? My approach is not the right or easy path: be completly direct and let them choke on it. "We are not having kids. Pass me the asparagus." __________________ All truth passes through three stages: First it is ridiculed Second, it is violently opposed and Third, it is accepted as self-evident. ARTHUR SCHOPENHAUER (1788-1860)

07-20-2005, 06:56 PM	#44 (permalink)
shesus Fancy Location: Chicago	I was reading down through this post and it is nice to know that I am not alone. I thought that I wanted kids when I was younger. However, now I am set in my ways and we don't live around any family. I say that I am selfish because I don't want to have to share my time, money, and husband. But actually I am not selfish because I don't want to have to resent a child. I think my family has accepted that I will most likely never pop out a child. The fact that my 3 cousins each have 4 and I have none is a huge indication. Plus, the fact that I call them pint-sized monsters and asked my cousin's 4 month old baby why he was crying. I passed him along after about 30 seconds. I like kids and all, I am a teacher and I work with them daily. However, it is nice to leave them for the night. When you have your own child you never have a break. Plus, my step-daughter is 15 and I really don't think that I can go through these teenage years with another child. I will never say never, but most likely I will not. Yet, I wonder if I will regret it when it is too late. I guess I am still torn between the decision. Of course my doctor is going to stop prescribing birth control in about 2 years (he says that smoking and the pill is not good for a 30 year old). So, at that time who knows... __________________ Whatever did happen to your soul? I heard you sold it Choose Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company

08-03-2005, 07:15 AM	#47 (permalink)
ngdawg peekaboo Location: on the back, bitch	Just as many thought I was nuts to go through 10 years of fertility treatments to have kids, there will always be those that think it's nuts to choose not to. It truly is none of their business, you don't owe anyone explanations and whatever decision you make, it is your life to live that's important. Anyone choosing to do something based on the pressure of those around them are doomed to be quite lousy at it and regret it. __________________ Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

07-17-2005, 02:22 PM	#41 (permalink)
analog Banned	I knew as early as 11 that I never wanted to have children. Seriously. I started then, everyone laughed. They laughed at me through 14, 17, 18, 20... and finally around 21 or 22, they stopped asking and accepted that I was really serious when I told them "never" all those times. Now my mom will sometimes even make light-hearted jabs at my refusal to procreate and insists that some girl will talk me into it. I just keep shrugging, and she knows it's not an issue... it's not going to happen, period.

07-17-2005, 03:23 PM	#42 (permalink)
la petite moi Filling the Void. Location: California	What a great thread. I've told my family that I'm not having children, and everytime, their response is: Oh, you might; you never know. Not only do my parents do this, but my co-workers and friends say the same thing, ocassionally. I was lectured by a co-worker about five-six months about getting an IUD so young because it could cause infertility, and as she said, I don't know what I really want at my age. >_>

07-20-2005, 07:11 PM	#45 (permalink)
Min Crazy Location: Louisiana	Honestly, my family is thrilled I don't want to have children. I would be called the black sheep by most but I prefer to think of myself as more the technicolor sheep. My family's views are quite traditional, the fact I think out of the box, in their opinion, makes me bad parenting material. As a case in point, my brothers-in-law don't want me near my nieces by chance I 'corrupt' them in some way. I am a free spirit and an open thinker, I would want to pass that on to the next generation. When I was younger and more conformist, I announced my intention to not reproduce and the response was "you'll know better when you're older" or "oh, you'll change your mind when you're older", something along those lines.

08-03-2005, 06:38 AM	#46 (permalink)
OPgary Tilted	I can think of no issue that is LESS other peoples business that this one. This issue is for the couple alone to decide. Religious people seem to often want to convert you to having a child or two. But it is the actual couple's decision. No one else should have any input at all.