Eowyn_Vala

Okay, I am totally, completely, helplessly, and hopelessly in love. I've been dating him for several months now. My parents have met him. My dad only once shortly after he found out I wasn't a virgin anymore. And my mom twice also after she learned I was no longer a virgin. My mom told me she thought he was a really nice guy. She isn't as bad as my dad, but she still isn't really supportive. Now I know that if they thought I was still a virgin, they would be a lot more accepting of him. Of course I didn't date much at all in high school so they haven't had a lot of experience in dealing with me dating someone. Although now that we have been seeing each other for quite some time you would think they would get a little more used to it.

My grandparents are very accepting. Everytime I talk to my grandma she always asks how he is, how school is, and tells me that she is proud of me and happy for me. My parents are completely different. If either of them asks about Darin it is normally are we still dating, of exactly when was the last time I saw him. (We live in different places about an hour apart which makes things kind of hard sometimes.) I never hear how proud they are or how happy they are for me that I've found someone so special. My dad and I never really talked much before and now conversation is pretty much nonexistant. I don't mind that much, but the fact that he always brings up "my virginity issue" when ever we do talk or argue really annoys me.

I don't know what to do about my parents. I don't know how I can make them understand that he isn't going anywhere. I don't know how to talk to my parents anymore because somehow everything is stilted or eventually leads to an argument. They have even gone so far as to forbid me to drive to the place he lives. I am in college and they are three hours away. I have driven down there several times, they don't know that yet. They own my car, but I pay all insurance, repairs, gas, everything. I have been since I came to college. It was already totaled by hail before they gave it to me and the copy of the title receit in the car has my name on it. So I am a bit confused as to whether the car is mine or not.

Any advice anyone could give me would be greatly appreciated. I really don't know what to do. I hope I have explained everything as best I could. Any questions just ask!

__________________
Cain: I know what you're doing. I've lead troops into battle before.
DG: And, how am I doing?
Cain: Well, there's less *hugging* when I do it

spived2

You try bringing him home for dinner with the parents? Try that. Mayhaps conversation will begin to role and things will fall into their proper places. Good luck

__________________

"This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V." - V

i8one2

The first one(guy) thing with parents is always the hardest. It kinda represents a coming of age thing with parents, The girl girl is a women now.. stuff. If your sexual history is brought up again mention that you are using protection, and that school and there love and understanding is the most important thing on your mind. Also mention that your boyfriend supports you and helps you will your school work and you feel save around him, and he treat you like the queen you are..
That kinda stuff.

Remember parents worry about wanting you to have the best education possible, not getting pregnant and your happiness, thats all.. Show them how mature you are by getting good grades, and showing them how maturely you are handle your relationship.

Good luck.

__________________
LEATHER, LATEX and LACE "SSC"
"Nothing That Gives Pleasure is Bad"

Quality is for those who know
what they want and are at peace with what they have.

"S/M is about emotion; the erotic tension between my impulse toward something and my resistance against it."-- Virginia Barker

Kaos

Everytime you talk about your bf or bring him around, the first thing your father will think about is "this is the guy who had sex with my daughter."

This is normal and not surprising that this is your father's reaction. But he is being a bit unreasonable considering you are in college, and trying to forbid you from driving to see him. Best advice I can think of is to mimic iBone2. Do the best you can with your life, keep doing things that would make parents proud, but don't expect parents to be proud of a daughters relationship until he puts a ring on your finger.

It's a kind of father's instinct to be a bit stand-offish towards a daughter's relationship, especially if it's the one that resulted in you losing your virginity. It's not fair, but that's life.

G_Whiz

The best advice that I can give you is to maintain your relationship with your parents and try to include your bf whenever you can. Share some of the non-sexual high points of your relationship with them.

I've been on both sides of this dilemma. My wife's parents never approved of me because I wasn't good enough for their daughter. I think they suspected that we had sex, but they never knew for sure until we got married. I had the problem arise as a father when my daughter moved in with her bf before she told us that he was her bf. She tried to convince us that she ended up moving in with him when his sister backed out of the shared rental. I hope I handled it better than my wife's parents. All I know is that they have been married for 14 years. They live a couple of miles away. We see them all the time and babysit our granddaughter two days a week. Plus, he and I play golf together all the time.

It's already been pointed out that your parents are suffering the shock of their "little girl" growing up and having sex. But the other part of that is that they also are in denial about their "little girl" being independent now. They may pay bills, etc. But you are effectively outside their control because you are at college and not living at home full time. It will take some time before they can accept those changes, because those are major perceptual changes. Give them time.

At least it sounds like you are still communicating with them. As frustrating as it may be, keep those lines of communication open.

Good luck.

__________________
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

empu

You are leaving something out. Something big. Tells us the full story.

tikki

Love > Parents sometimes. I made that choice once, and I didn't regret it. Your parents will always love you and will understand it down the road. It may be rough now, but time heals wounds.

__________________
Take notice. Take interest. Take me with you.

Eowyn_Vala

Hmmm, leaving anything out. Well this is my second year in college and my sister is now in college. I don't hardly ever go home, but I do still call. I would think my parents would be adjusting to both thier daughters being in college now. Umm, my dad has a bad drinking habit, but he has never been violent! He isn't my biological father either. He married my mom when I was 7 and he adopted my sister and I when we were 9 I think. So legally and everything he is my father, and really the only one I have ever had. I do have a little brother who is 7 now. He is their miracle child because my mom was having problems getting pregnant. My parents haven't ever really participated in any of my extra-curricular activities like sports in high school or anything. My brother is attending a private Catholic school. Oh yeah I was raised Catholic from age 7 to now. And my boyfriend isn't Catholic. Other than that I think that is everything. Oh and my sister is still a virgin. But she drinks, parties, defaces public property, and all sorts of stuff my parents don't know about. Sorry if I sound a little bitter towards the end. I have accepted the fact that the things I do are going to affect my relationship with my parents. It was kind of hard not to when I moved back home for the summer. It just bugs me that my sister gets away with so much, and I don't do anything like that but my parents dont' see that. My mom doesn't believe me when I tell her I don't party or go to bars.

__________________
Cain: I know what you're doing. I've lead troops into battle before.
DG: And, how am I doing?
Cain: Well, there's less *hugging* when I do it

Cynthetiq

*moved to Tilted living*

Kaos has some good points.

I think that you should live your life the way you want to without fear of consequence. Accept the fact that your actions have consequences and understand what those consequences are. If you can accept them, then it's your life in the driver's seat.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Sparhawk

You wouldn't happen to be first or second generation american would you? A lot of immigrant children have the problems you describe, with the very conservative mentalities/culture of their parents.

__________________
"In Iraq, no doubt about it, it's tough. It's hard work. It's incredibly hard. It's - and it's hard work. I understand how hard it is. I get the casualty reports every day. I see on the TV screens how hard it is. But it's necessary work. We're making progress. It is hard work."

Eowyn_Vala

Actually, no I'm not. Both sets of my grandparents, or well all three sets of them were born and raised in America. And as far as I know their parents, my great-grandparents were too. My mom seems to be more understanding when my dad isn't around, but whenever he is around she acts more like him. For the most part, I think my dad is the way he is because he was raised as a strict Catholic in a Catholic community and also because of the drinking. It's something I don't discuss with most people, the drinking. Ummm, my mom wasn't raised Catholic. She became Catholic when she married my dad. Another thing I noticed in high school was that since I went to a very small school, and most everyone was Catholic, they would drink and party on weekends. I didn't and well couldn't have even if I wanted too! My parents have always been very strict. I didn't go out much with my friends, didn't really date except for Prom my sophomore year, and really didn't have much of a social life. I was okay with it most of the time because I didn't know what I was missing. One the friends I made when I first came to college, remarked on how open-minded I was compared to where I was from and my family/parents. She went home with me and was amazed to say the least. She is from a really big community and school. Her mom is awesome too.

__________________
Cain: I know what you're doing. I've lead troops into battle before.
DG: And, how am I doing?
Cain: Well, there's less *hugging* when I do it

dragon2fire

Talk to your parents keep them informed on whats going on in your life but dont let them control your actoins


good luck

1337haxor

I think the catholic family thing is a big factor for all of this strife. It's going to be hard since you are more open minded about things while your dad isn't. Like i8one2 said, try to highlight the good things in your relationship and show that you and your bf is mature about this whole thing.
Tell your dad that he raised you to be a responsible woman and that you would never do anything that would jeopardize or harm your future.

empu

Thank you for being open and honest. I think your Dad has issues that will make it extremely hard for a true reconciliation any time soon. His behavior towards you is not normal. I suspect there is something about his past that he is now taking out on you (and himself, by the sound of it.)

I recommend continuing to find time with your Mom when your Dad's not around, and trying to strengthen that part of the relationship. If that goes well the opportunity may follow to slowly help your Dad come to terms with reality.

In the meantime, I agree with the other posters who've advised you to live (and enjoy!) your own life first. As strange as this may sound, it's up to you to be the adult in this situation and just be patient while your parents grow up.

viejo gringo

Sounds like you have a pretty good head on your shoulders...

maybe it is time to remind dad that you are old enough to vote, and your sex life is no ones business but your own..

Yea, I have three daughters and 6 grand daughters---and believe it of not I have given advice on sex---but only when they asked for it---don't judge, lest ye be judged...