How do you deal with the inconsiderates in our society? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

cartmen34 · 10-24-2003, 07:35 AM

What I mean by that is, how do you deal with people who take two spaces in a crowded parking lot, blow smoke in your direction (when they know you don't smoke), let their kids run wild in a public building, talk loudly on their cell phone in a quiet bookstore, tailgate you on the freeway...you know, things like that. The little things that irritate us all everyday.

I'm sure somebody has done something to get back at these idiots. I'd love to hear your stories of what you did to try and teach these people a lesson, or just have some fun with them. It doesn't have to be directly related to my examples, just something that irritated you and what you did about it.

Anybody?

Peryn · 10-24-2003, 08:24 AM

Most of the time simply confronting them makes them far more embarassed than any other thing you could do, especially if they are being stupid infront of or with a bunch of freinds.

Two spots in a crowded lot gets people a big fat juicy snot wad on their weindshield. I spit up the grossest thing i can muster, and spew on the middle of their windshield. It gets hot here, so i bakes on. I once was pissed off enough to get a permanent marker and write him a note on his windsheild... a little paint thinner on a rag and it comes off very easily, so i didn't feel too bad about it. When people let kids go crazy, go up to the kid, and in a very firm loud voice, say "EXCUSE ME". Not nicely, but very firm so that the kid knows they fuckled up, and you are not asking them to move, but telling them. And its loud enough that the parents get embarrased that a stranger had to deal with their kids. Or outright walk up to the parent and ask them to make their child stop. This usually scares them too.

What i really like to do that scares and highly embarrases people (specially kids) when i am driving is if they fuck up, i mean do something really stupid, or delibarate, follow them. When they turn on to their street, i turn. If i have time on my hands i usually make a point to follow someone until they stop, or go crazy and try and lose me. When i catch up to them, i simply pull up alongside, roll down the window, and ask them WTF they were thinking. Tell them how dangerous it was and that they were putting little children at risk. Its easy for people to be stupid and laugh about it when they are hiding behind the anonymity of their car...but once you confront them, i swear i've seen kids almost shit their pants in front of their freinds, their face turns bright red, etc. Its a good feeling embarrasing stupid people in public.

dy156 · 10-24-2003, 01:31 PM

I don't know, maybe i get all my frustrations out at work or something, but unless it really negatively affects me, I tend to give those people the benefit of the doubt. I don't know what's going on in their day/life, if it seems like they are having problems enough, I don't want to compound them. Frankly, I've found that people that do these things are either those that seem to have real problems or well, kinda trashy to begin with, and I feel sorry for them. I'm not a snob, and I'm not afraid of confrontation, but you need to pick your battles, and little things aren't worth stressing out over.

bermuDa · 10-24-2003, 02:03 PM

I just realize that their life probably sucks so they're just trying to project their misery on others. I smile and let them be the assholes they are. Getting mad isn't going to get you anywhere.

I do reserve the right to rant about people like that, though

anti fishstick · 10-24-2003, 02:12 PM

im nice to everyone. i don't "deal" with them.
i may give them an exasperated look.
but that's about it.
usually a nice smile though, while my thoughts are anything but :P

i like to humor stupid people.

spived2 · 10-24-2003, 03:46 PM

i find sarcastic comments to work pretty good, not so much to make a difference but to make me feel better when i see the way they react.

slimshaydee · 10-24-2003, 05:11 PM

There's always gonna be assholes anywhere you go, so rather than being an asshole back to them (e.g. the spitwad on the winshield thing), I let them go to their own accord, cause being an asshole will only get you so far in life.

bundy · 10-24-2003, 08:50 PM

¨avoid loud and aggressive persons ... for they are vexations to the spirit...

i guess this covers inconsiderate people to, maybe...

the great words of desiderata...

oberon · 10-24-2003, 10:22 PM

I pretend they don't exist.

* oberon looks around... did you feel a smoke whiff go by?

numist · 10-24-2003, 10:53 PM

I'm with anti fishstick on this one...

They may piss me off to no end, but I stay civil unless Im having an extremely bad day (like today, the worst for at least a year), in which case I just keep a nice deadpan expression on my face.
Either way, some people probably can't help it, I just don't associate myself with them and continue on my way. If I find people that arent idiots, I seek them out, I dont see the reason to wasting my time following a morons footsteps to their front door, Id rather be with good company.

my penny

guthmund · 10-24-2003, 11:39 PM

I usually stay civil. But sometimes a sarcastic remark and flippant word just fly right out of me.

Sometimes it's like the governor that should be between my brain and my mouth just lets on slip through for shits and giggles.

Most of the time I just write it off to a momentary lapse of judgment (I know I've had them a time or two....) and go about my business.

But like I said, sometimes....

seretogis · 10-25-2003, 12:24 AM

I bury them in my basement.
</wishful thinking>

Inconsiderate people really piss me off, and they are a reason that I simply cannot work customer service ever again.

LewisCouch · 10-25-2003, 08:11 AM

My signature says it all.

ubertuber · 10-25-2003, 08:39 AM

The Day-Wreckers

Quote:

Usually they come from nowhere. You're just minding your business, getting through the day, and they strike with no rhyme, no reason, no purpose - and it can happen anywhere to anyone at anytime.

In my world, they come mostly in the form of parents. I am in charge of a junior tennis program where we try to train kids to reach their potential. Some of our kids grow to be very good and some just grow to be a little better than they used to be. Our philosophy, though, is to give everyone a chance to realize their dreams. I announce this philosophy to the kids almost weekly and, furthermore, all of our drills are based on a lot of interchange of various kids at various levels. On any given day, a nationally-ranked student could find him or herself on a court drilling with an intermediate or even an advanced beginner. As I said, everyone gets a chance. Maybe that is why I never see them coming.

Well, that's not necessarily true. I do see them coming. They come right down the stairs onto the courts with their kids, bringing with them tell-tale come-hither hand motion: Are you the Director? May I have a word with you? The sinking feeling in my heart is matched only by the rising tide of red-hot rage. I keep my clenched fist behind my back.

"We've got a little problem here, Mr. Director. Little Tommy isn't getting pushed enough in your program. You see, he's really an exceptional kid. He plays soccer, lacrosse, badminton and rows on the crew team. He also plays the cello, feeds the homeless and has a 5.356 grade point average on a 4.0 scale. He has so many talents; I need him to be challenged and he wasn't challenged by the kids he drilled with yesterday. Is there any way you could place him on a higher-level court?"

The rest of my day never stood a chance. I know that yesterday Tommy smacked thirteen balls off the ceiling along with three other kids standing in line. I know that Tommy lost 11-2 in a point-play game with a seven-year old just moved up from the pee-wee classes. I know this but I'm forced to say, "Yes, ma'am. Thank you, ma'am. I'll definitely look into it and see what I can do." Now instead of trying to help this kid I feel like I hate this kid. I want this kid to fail more than anything, if only to show this crazy person blinded by God-knows-what that she is, in fact, a crazy person. My mood, whatever it was, is ruined.

What's worse is that this encounter reminds me that these people are everywhere. It's lunch time, so I stop by Wendy's because I only have fifteen minutes for lunch. Just when it's my turn and I think I actually might get to sit down a minute, the person in front of me begins to complain because there's pickles on his junior cheeseburger. And he's adamant. He DID NOT order pickles and he wants it changed! Don't you people understand? The indescribable delectability of a ninety-nine-cent value-meal burger is absolutely destroyed if it is corrupted with pickles!

On the way back to work, I feel like I've been surrounded. For the grand finale I get a taste the old smoke-your-cigarette-instead-of-making-the-turn-at-a-red-light villain. I sit there behind this person admiring the view of the road (as it has been unencumbered by traffic for a long time now), counting how many minutes I am going be late. When I can't take any more, I give my fellow driver a little honk, only to be greeted by a middle finger and a screaming stream of epithets. "Don't honk at me, you piece of &%$#@!"

They are the Day-Wreckers and they are dangerous. They can take a day of your life away from you, just like that. The reason why, though, is quite serious. It isn't just a matter of not letting them get to you or trying to be above all that. There is something much deeper than that.

Football coach Lou Holtz once said that the person who complains about the bounce of the ball usually dropped it. It's absolutely true. The person who complains is usually the person to blame. "Why are you complaining about how the ball bounced," you want to ask. "Hasn't it occurred to you that it wouldn't be bouncing at all if you hadn't DROPPED it?" But the complainer doesn't see that. The complainer is too lost to see that. The complainer has completely missed the point. And not just about the bouncing ball.

Whether we admit it or not, all of us seek Quality. Some will call it religion; some will call it Buddha; others will call it success. Whatever. The point is that we all are seekers. Or at least we used to be. The Day-Wreckers seek something else and that's what makes them so sickening. Tommy's mom, consciously or unconsciously, knows that Tommy is terrible. But somehow in her derangement, she has displaced this realization with antagonism. She is going give up the actual search for Quality and start blaming other people. It's other people's fault Tommy has no quality. It's other people's fault he's not any good. And if she blames hard enough and long enough, Tommy never HAS to get better because it's not his fault any more. Somebody else screwed Tommy up. Pretty soon, Tommy has no friends because he follows mommy's lead and then it's time for more blaming. Blaming leads to more blaming and eventually the idea of Quality has been buried too deep to be resurrected. The next thing you know, you're arguing at Wendy's over a worthless 99¢ burger and sitting aimlessly at a red light thinking over who you're going to blame next with your best friend the Marlboro Man.

In his book, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, Robert Pirsig discusses gumption traps--traps that hinder you from finding Quality. He didn't mention blame. Nothing takes you further from Quality than blaming. It is poison for the soul. Leave Tommy alone; he will improve when he's ready. Quit arguing over a stupid sandwich; this is not a five-star restaurant. Make the gosh-darn right turn if a car isn't within a country mile; you will save some time in your day. The Japanese have a saying: fix the problem, not the blame. Spend your days solving problems and the Quality in your life will increase exponentially. Look for the Quality in everyone and everything and don't make excuses. And stay away from those who are only interested in placing blame. The day you save will be your own.

Pirsig said in his book that people are so lost that it is as if "The truth knocks on the door and [people] say, 'Go away, I'm looking for the truth.'" If the truth knocked on their door, The Day-Wreckers would complain about the noise. What would you do?

I found this a couple of years ago on a website where people talk about the philosophies of Robert Pirsig (the guy who wrote Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance). It is sort of interesting and got me thinking. Someone posted a reply to this essay (which I now can't find) about the idea of being a filter for these sorts of people - so that them wrecking your day doesn't start a downward spiral in which you kick it off for someone else. I like this, but have added to it a little. The problem with a filter is that it accumulates the undesirable things it is eliminating - which is why we have to clean them from time to time. I would rather be like a duck whose feathers don't absorb water, but rather let it roll right off. Besides, the person that you want to teach a lesson probably won't ever make the connection between what you do to them and what they did that was inconsiderate. It will probably just initiate another spiral of bad feelings.

I consciously thought about this a lot this summer. I was in Italy performing in a music festival, and the Italian administration had a very different idea about managing details (and big things!) from what the mostly American artists were used to. It really could have wrecked my experience if I let it get to me when our instruments showed up an hour late for rehearsal or concert times were changed and not everyone knew. And I am the kind of person that if I had gotten frustrated about this, I would have probably increased everyone else's frustration. However I made a conscious effort to roll with the punches and only worry about the things that were my job to fix. And you know what? It worked out pretty well. I kept a pretty high quality of product while I was there despite the circumstances, and all the while had a blast.

I've also noticed how easy it is to be the opposite person (of a day-wrecker). When I am in line paying for my lunch in our cafeteria and I say hello and smile at the cashier and ask her how her weekend was she doesn't just respond to me. I can hear her being more receptive to the person behind me as well. It is only a little nudge in the right direction, but imagine if we were all providing those little nudges all the time - helping each other have good days and be our best selves. How different would things be?

yellowgowild · 10-25-2003, 10:05 PM

I recently did something rash.

If you have a 3 or 4 year old daughter, would you take her to an 11pm showing of "Kill Bill"? No, I wouldn't either.

I followed the guy out of the theatre and told him never to do that again because if I saw him I would kick the living shit out of him. I know I'm imposing my morals on someone else but it still felt great.

10-24-2003, 07:35 AM	#1 (permalink)
cartmen34 Psycho Location: the hills of aquafina.	How do you deal with the inconsiderates in our society? What I mean by that is, how do you deal with people who take two spaces in a crowded parking lot, blow smoke in your direction (when they know you don't smoke), let their kids run wild in a public building, talk loudly on their cell phone in a quiet bookstore, tailgate you on the freeway...you know, things like that. The little things that irritate us all everyday. I'm sure somebody has done something to get back at these idiots. I'd love to hear your stories of what you did to try and teach these people a lesson, or just have some fun with them. It doesn't have to be directly related to my examples, just something that irritated you and what you did about it. Anybody?

10-24-2003, 08:24 AM	#2 (permalink)
Peryn Junkie Location: San Diego, CA.	Most of the time simply confronting them makes them far more embarassed than any other thing you could do, especially if they are being stupid infront of or with a bunch of freinds. Two spots in a crowded lot gets people a big fat juicy snot wad on their weindshield. I spit up the grossest thing i can muster, and spew on the middle of their windshield. It gets hot here, so i bakes on. I once was pissed off enough to get a permanent marker and write him a note on his windsheild... a little paint thinner on a rag and it comes off very easily, so i didn't feel too bad about it. When people let kids go crazy, go up to the kid, and in a very firm loud voice, say "EXCUSE ME". Not nicely, but very firm so that the kid knows they fuckled up, and you are not asking them to move, but telling them. And its loud enough that the parents get embarrased that a stranger had to deal with their kids. Or outright walk up to the parent and ask them to make their child stop. This usually scares them too. What i really like to do that scares and highly embarrases people (specially kids) when i am driving is if they fuck up, i mean do something really stupid, or delibarate, follow them. When they turn on to their street, i turn. If i have time on my hands i usually make a point to follow someone until they stop, or go crazy and try and lose me. When i catch up to them, i simply pull up alongside, roll down the window, and ask them WTF they were thinking. Tell them how dangerous it was and that they were putting little children at risk. Its easy for people to be stupid and laugh about it when they are hiding behind the anonymity of their car...but once you confront them, i swear i've seen kids almost shit their pants in front of their freinds, their face turns bright red, etc. Its a good feeling embarrasing stupid people in public. __________________ Dont cry kid, It's not your fault you suck.

10-24-2003, 02:03 PM	#4 (permalink)
bermuDa don't ignore this--> Location: CA	I just realize that their life probably sucks so they're just trying to project their misery on others. I smile and let them be the assholes they are. Getting mad isn't going to get you anywhere. I do reserve the right to rant about people like that, though __________________ I am the very model of a moderator gentleman.

10-24-2003, 02:12 PM	#5 (permalink)
anti fishstick Post-modernism meets Individualism AKA the Clash Location: oregon	im nice to everyone. i don't "deal" with them. i may give them an exasperated look. but that's about it. usually a nice smile though, while my thoughts are anything but :P i like to humor stupid people. __________________ And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anais Nin

10-24-2003, 03:46 PM	#6 (permalink)
spived2 Desert Rat Location: Arizona	i find sarcastic comments to work pretty good, not so much to make a difference but to make me feel better when i see the way they react. __________________ "This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V." - V

10-24-2003, 01:31 PM	#3 (permalink)
dy156 cookie Location: in the backwoods	I don't know, maybe i get all my frustrations out at work or something, but unless it really negatively affects me, I tend to give those people the benefit of the doubt. I don't know what's going on in their day/life, if it seems like they are having problems enough, I don't want to compound them. Frankly, I've found that people that do these things are either those that seem to have real problems or well, kinda trashy to begin with, and I feel sorry for them. I'm not a snob, and I'm not afraid of confrontation, but you need to pick your battles, and little things aren't worth stressing out over.

10-24-2003, 05:11 PM	#7 (permalink)
slimshaydee If you've read this, PM me and say so Location: Sitting on my ass, and you?	There's always gonna be assholes anywhere you go, so rather than being an asshole back to them (e.g. the spitwad on the winshield thing), I let them go to their own accord, cause being an asshole will only get you so far in life.

10-24-2003, 08:50 PM	#8 (permalink)
bundy . Location: Tokyo	¨avoid loud and aggressive persons ... for they are vexations to the spirit... i guess this covers inconsiderate people to, maybe... the great words of desiderata... __________________ Ohayo!!!

10-24-2003, 10:22 PM	#9 (permalink)
oberon Quadrature Amplitude Modulator Location: Denver	I pretend they don't exist. * oberon looks around... did you feel a smoke whiff go by? __________________ "There are finer fish in the sea than have ever been caught." -- Irish proverb

10-24-2003, 10:53 PM	#10 (permalink)
numist Banned Location: UCSD, 510.49 miles from my love	I'm with anti fishstick on this one... They may piss me off to no end, but I stay civil unless Im having an extremely bad day (like today, the worst for at least a year), in which case I just keep a nice deadpan expression on my face. Either way, some people probably can't help it, I just don't associate myself with them and continue on my way. If I find people that arent idiots, I seek them out, I dont see the reason to wasting my time following a morons footsteps to their front door, Id rather be with good company. my penny

10-24-2003, 11:39 PM	#11 (permalink)
guthmund big damn hero	I usually stay civil. But sometimes a sarcastic remark and flippant word just fly right out of me. Sometimes it's like the governor that should be between my brain and my mouth just lets on slip through for shits and giggles. Most of the time I just write it off to a momentary lapse of judgment (I know I've had them a time or two....) and go about my business. But like I said, sometimes.... __________________ No signature. None. Seriously.

10-25-2003, 12:24 AM	#12 (permalink)
seretogis Huggles, sir? Location: Seattle	I bury them in my basement. </wishful thinking> Inconsiderate people really piss me off, and they are a reason that I simply cannot work customer service ever again. __________________ seretogis - sieg heil perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

10-25-2003, 08:11 AM	#13 (permalink)
LewisCouch Insane Location: Pacific NW	My signature says it all. __________________ "The gift of liberty is like that of a horse, handsome, strong, and high-spirited. In some it arouses a wish to ride; in many others, on the contrary, it increases the desire to walk." -- Massimo d'Azeglio

10-25-2003, 10:05 PM	#15 (permalink)
yellowgowild Psycho Location: Tampa	I recently did something rash. If you have a 3 or 4 year old daughter, would you take her to an 11pm showing of "Kill Bill"? No, I wouldn't either. I followed the guy out of the theatre and told him never to do that again because if I saw him I would kick the living shit out of him. I know I'm imposing my morals on someone else but it still felt great.