mistajon

Hi all,

I have a Q. Can a guy who has a gf for over 2 years, meet up with a new female "friend" from the net to go play pool or something ?

If they are really just "friends" is this okay, or should it not be done at all ?

What do you think?

PS: I have no intentions of finding a new gf, I wouldnt mind having a new female friends to play pool, movies or whatever. Somehow I dont think my gf really wants to meet this new female "friend" but said if I feel like I want to meet a girl its upto me and we do have that trust with eachother.

PPS: *mod note: moved. *

numist

Its fine. I have a g/f for well over a year, and I happen to get along better with girls than most guys. This means my inner circle of friends (real friends) is 2 guys and 4 girls.

If your woman is uncomfortable with you meeting some random femme you met online, then she obviously isnt convinced about your relationship.

Friends is fine, but if you cheat, I'll kick your ass myself.....

All that said, shouldnt this have been in Tilted Living, or are you being foreshadowing....?

anleja

I think it should not be a problem. Would your gf go with you, or would you try to make it just you and your friend? If you feel you should hide it from your gf, maybe it WOULD be a problem, the problem being not that you are cheating but that you have a gf who feels she can't trust you.

anleja

I believe Tilted Sexuality can be extended to include threads of relationship advice, regardless of lack of sexual content. However, I've been mistaken before. Good point though, I hope he's not foreshadowing a future of sexual explicitness with his net friend!

numist

I just figured friends are a life thing, I dont generally have sex with my friends.

Then again, it is a relationship-type question, so it should go here.

One of those ambivalent moments when Im glad Im not a mod...

phredgreen

as far as i'm concerned, having friends of the opposite sex shouldn't be any kind of an issue if you trust your signifigant other. i have female friends, my girlfriend has male friends, and we're both fine with the whole concept. as long as you don't do anything stupid than your girlfriend should have nothing to worry about. let her know how much she means to you and that you are just looking to expand your friends-base, if she still has problems, invite her along.

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tekaweni

Shouldnt be a problem, but it really does depend on your girlfriend's view on this.

My wife doesnt mind; a friend of mine's wife has a fit if he even talks to a woman.

*shrug*

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bermuDa

I don't know if it's possible to have friends of the opposite sex without eventually running into some sexual tension....

it's whether or not you act on that tension that's important.

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Loup

For me, it's no issue. I have my gf and I have my female friends outside of her circle.
It is kind of a different approach that you are taking, with this "new friend".
From the sounds of what you said there, your gf sounds as if she's totally against the idea but as long as there is trust there between the two of you it should be your choice. But, don't be surprised if there is retaliation on her part (not saying that there will be, just saying don't be surprised).

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sillygirl

Just be careful... it may be that she trusts you, but not a random girl you met online. Did you meet her in a chat or something?

Sometimes you can trust the person you're with, but not trust the girl (or guy... whatever....) that they're going to go meet/hang out with. No matter how much you trust your SO, sometimes it's still difficult to be okay with the situation.

Invite your girl along. If there's nothing to hide, what's the problem of her going along with you? I mean, you're all gonna be friends, right? Maybe if she meets this girl too, and knows that you're obviously not hiding anything, she'll be okay with future times when you go to hang without her. Just my opinion...

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tikki

Every single one of my friends is female, and it has been an issue in the past, but I think that's because I am a big ass flirt sometimes.

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anti fishstick

men and women can never be friends. in the sense that there's always going to be some sexual tension. on either or both parties parts.. but that doesn't go to show that you can't have a successful platonic relationship with people of the opposite sex. especially if you're in a serious relationship, you should be able to control any urges. and you might be so into your girl that urges won't even come up or be an issue. in any case, meeting the girl should be fine. it takes trust. she might wonder why you'd want to meet a girl from the internet. i had a bf that got superjealous about that. but my intentions were never sexual and he shouldn't have overreacted like he did. if she gets bugged about it, try to assure her your intentions are pure without pointing any fingers or blame (being too jealous, insecure etc.. name calling takes it down a notch to immaturity and makes it harder to get your point across)

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jvwgtr

I think men and women can be friends...but the woman has to be extremely unattractive.

dy156

Or if she's alot older or is in a relationship/married.
Then, it's all good, and everyone is happy.
However, if you found her on the internet, are you sure you're happy w/ your girlfriend? At the VERY least, you should advertise the fact that you're attached, and portray your girlfriend in a positive light, unless of course, you are looking.

k1ng

Here is a website that deals this this question:

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

Here is the foundation of what the Ladder Theory is based on:
Sally: We are just going to be friends, OK?
Harry: Great, friends. It's the best thing...You realize, of course, that we can never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape, or form - is that men and women can't be friends, because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive.
Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail them, too.
Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?
Harry: Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there, so the friendship is ultimately doomed, and that is the end of the story.

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a2k

I'm not sure why you can't BOTH be friends with somebody AND want to have sex with them.

Anyway, mistajon, the thing that would freak me out if I were your GF is the "we met on the net" part of the story. It might be wise to bring someone else along.

I once had a GF who told me that she didn't want anything for valentines because it's a Halmark holiday and is totally artificial. You can imagine my surprise to recieve a dozen roses from her that day, and the doghouse I was in for believing her line and getting her nothing. I'd be very careful that you aren't in a similar situation.

skysooner

It is possible but like has been said before in most circumstances it is difficult. Sure there are girls at work that I am "friends" with, but I'm always wondering what they would be like in bed. It doesn't mean that I would ever do anything about it, but I'm just kind of conditioned that way. I know my wife feels that being good friends with a guy outside the marriage would be difficult as well for the same reasons. That's why I say I am friendly and not really friends.

The.Lunatic

Yeah a guy can have a female friend really easy.

The question is can you?

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petergriffin24

yeah it would definetly depend on your gf at the time if she is the jealous type than you don't have a shot on earth!!

supafly

Yes, I have female friend an a girlfriend. I travel with my friend from my home to school. When you are just friends there is nothing wrong with it.

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FroMan

i would say yes to this question. One of my best friends is a female. I've known her for the last 8+ years. We are great friends and have discussed just about everything. Just because she has boobs doesn't mean you have to sleep with her.

ON the other hand I did ruin a different friendship by sleeping with her. We havn't spoken much since.

Cardinal Syn

God i love the When Harry met Sally theory. Its the truth thou.

Sunrise

Well it shouldn't be an issue, but if you have a partner, some can get jealous.