My mom wants to go back to school and live off of student loans?! - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

irseg · 09-23-2003, 03:48 PM

OK, my mom is really starting to piss me off. She got divorced and suddenly realized "holy crap, I don't have anybody to live off of anymore!".

So in the past couple years she has:

-Gone to school for nursing, quit after a year.

-Worked at some $8/hr retail job.

-Went back to school for massage therapy, quit after a semester.

-Worked at making pottery or something with her hippie boyfriend.

-Started training for a $10/hr job, realized it's a dead end, quit.

-Now planning on going to school for a psychology degree.

Now here's the fun part. It's a 4 or 5 year program (including summer classes), and she plans on *living off of student loans* instead of working. She lives in a dead town with no economy whatsoever and feels obligated to stay there because of friends and family even though she has enough skills at various things to live a nicer life in a better area.

Whenever I try to give her advice she dismisses it because she thinks I'm too greedy and ambitious (think of Alex Keaton and his mom from "Family Ties" and that's more or less us). She has somewhat of a point, but at least I am living very comfortably on my own at 21 rather than hoping to somehow get by on student loans at 44.

Anyone else ever been in a situation like this? She keeps insisting that money can't buy happiness--which is indeed true, but it's also pretty goddamned hard to be happy when you can't afford to fix your car or keep the fridge stocked.

anleja · 09-23-2003, 06:23 PM

I hear the pottery business is booming, maybe she should focus on that. Um, but really, the loans will probably be only enough to pay for her classes and books, etc. When reality hits, and she can't pay for anything, then maybe she'll straighten out? Then again, she could quit school and keep the loans, then she is all set. Problem solved, no? Oh... the matter of paying back the loans... well, I hope someone here can tell you something to do, or something to tell her to wise up. All I can suggest is that if she does do the student loan thing, try hard to encourage her to stay in school. Hopefully she doesn't mind mac and cheese for a while. And hopefully she doesn't rely on you for money, but it sounds like that is going to happen.
What a problem! Good luck!

guthmund · 09-23-2003, 06:46 PM

If she's doing it just to live off the government for a couple of years then I'd be upset, but if she is genuinely trying to make something for herself then I don't see the big deal.

Like anleja said the loans probably won't be as much as she's expecting. I can attest the real money lies in scholarships and independent grants from businesses not from the government. Sure they'll pay for the books and tuition, but I hope your mom digs Ramen noodles and cheap beer.

Johnny Rotten · 09-23-2003, 06:53 PM

Living solely on credit will put her in debt that will take her years and years to get out of. She's better off working a day job and going to night school. She has no kids to raise, I assume from your post, so she doesn't have to worry about the expense of babysitting.

irseg · 09-24-2003, 10:46 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Johnny Rotten
Living solely on credit will put her in debt that will take her years and years to get out of. She's better off working a day job and going to night school.

That's what gets to me. I owe $10k from 3 years of student loans and I got off easy since I paid out of pocket for a semester or two and went to a cheap college. And there's not a chance in hell the loans would have paid for my living expenses.

anleja, I sure hope reality will straighten her out a bit. It sure did me, I've been on my own since I was 18. Living off of ramen noodles and wondering how I was going to pay the electric bill friggin' sucked. But it was a great learning experience. As for the pottery business, it's not bad but not really something to make a decent living.

Charlatan · 09-24-2003, 11:22 AM

Dude... it's your Mom... chill out. If she wants to try and figure out her life what's it to you?

clavus · 09-24-2003, 11:22 AM

Hmmm...my mom got tired of here shitty job, went back to school, got an MBA and now makes a 6-figure income. Of course, she can't use a pottery-wheel worth a shit...

Rodney · 09-24-2003, 02:06 PM

Everybody learns their life lessons at different times in their lives. But it can be a little disconcerting when your mom, with 20+ years on you, _still_ hasn't learned some of the basics.

Like everybody else, some thing she just has to learn by herself; nothing else you can do. And if you come on heavy about it, she'll just dig her feet in and get even more stubborn abou it. Yeah, it's the parent/teenager thing, only _you're_ the parent. So like I said, let her find out for herself, because she doesn't want to be taught.

bigjule · 09-25-2003, 06:58 AM

going to school and living on aid is actually quite easy and practical. I did it when I returned to college at the age of 30. What happens that makes it work is that after 25 you are a non traditional student which opens you up to a whole new world of grants, loans and scholarships. I was getting $13k a year and only half of that was borrowed. Education is an investment in yourself, so it is worth the loans.
Also, do what makes you happy. I did what made money and was miserable, so I went back to school and now I am doing what I enjoy. Sure things are tight, but I can look forward to going to work and I can be proud of what I do. As ricky nelson said, you cant please everyone, so ya gotta please yourself.

savethenaugs · 09-26-2003, 08:15 AM

Student loans suck!

They really screw up your life. Just at the time when you are ready to enjoy your new income, you have to start paying them back FOREVER. If she does whatever she's going to do without going into debt, she'll be much happier.

Take it from me. My wife and I just paid off all our debts, except the house. We scrimped and saved, and cut out lots of stuff for a few years, but we did it. She's about to get laid off, but it is no big deal, because we don't owe anyone anything.

Whatever she ends up doing, try and persuade her from the student loans.

As bigjule said, she might be able to pay for her school entirely using scholarships, especially since she is a non traditional student. There are some software programs out there that are searchable and contain all of the details and eligibility requirements for like 60,000 scholarships. She should take a month and spend it applying for 1,000 scholarships, and then school would be paid for.

Charlatan · 09-26-2003, 09:14 AM

Student loans may suck to pay back but they make all the difference when you are trying to make a change in your life. Scholarships aren't always an option...

em1014 · 09-26-2003, 10:14 PM

HAHA sounds kinda like my mom except she was a bit younger with two young children and she got her rn in the two years it's supposed to take. Oh yeah.. and she lived/lives in a nothing town. Just be glad you're older and able to at least help provide for yourself. It really sucked when she decided not to work and my dad never paid child support. Talk about money being thin...
Now she's making much more money than she ever would have if he didn't go to school.

Harshaw · 09-27-2003, 09:17 AM

It sounds like if your mom isn't going to listen to you, there is very little you can do. My main advice would be, ask her to look through the want ads first and make sure their is a market for psychology degrees. If your state is anything like my state, there is NO market for a B.S. in Psych and only a medium market for a masters.

I know kind of how you are feeling, after my mom died, my dad quit his job as a teacher (a high paid teacher) and moved around to three different states in three different years. But hell, he didn't have to support me or my brother anymore, so more power to him.

Siphen69 · 09-28-2003, 01:25 PM

hehe your mom is the shit

sexymama · 09-28-2003, 06:45 PM

Quote:

Dude... it's your Mom... chill out. If she wants to try and figure out her life what's it to you?

Ditto -- if you don't like it, it is none of your business. You are an adult; she is an adult. You can both live your own lives. Living your own life should include "walking your talk." If you don't agree with her choices, fine -- then don't lend her money and don't bail her out. At the same time, don't ask her for money either.

emidew22 · 09-28-2003, 06:55 PM

Your mom had you at a fairly young age. So she probably spent a large portion of the part of life when you figure your shit out raising you and any siblings you might have. And if she's always had someone to provide for her then maybe she's a little naive about the cost of living and going to school and such. Maybe your mom needs to bounce from one thing to another for a while till she figures out what she wants, since it doesn't sound like she's had that yet. And maybe she needs to be slapped in the face with reality about things like money by screwing up a bit, kinda like a kid. Just try and relax and be supportive, and try and help her do what makes her happy, without forcing financial advice on her. She'll come to you when she needs it, i'm sure.

09-23-2003, 03:48 PM	#1 (permalink)
irseg Junkie Location: Florida	My mom wants to go back to school and live off of student loans?! OK, my mom is really starting to piss me off. She got divorced and suddenly realized "holy crap, I don't have anybody to live off of anymore!". So in the past couple years she has: -Gone to school for nursing, quit after a year. -Worked at some $8/hr retail job. -Went back to school for massage therapy, quit after a semester. -Worked at making pottery or something with her hippie boyfriend. -Started training for a $10/hr job, realized it's a dead end, quit. -Now planning on going to school for a psychology degree. Now here's the fun part. It's a 4 or 5 year program (including summer classes), and she plans on living off of student loans instead of working. She lives in a dead town with no economy whatsoever and feels obligated to stay there because of friends and family even though she has enough skills at various things to live a nicer life in a better area. Whenever I try to give her advice she dismisses it because she thinks I'm too greedy and ambitious (think of Alex Keaton and his mom from "Family Ties" and that's more or less us). She has somewhat of a point, but at least I am living very comfortably on my own at 21 rather than hoping to somehow get by on student loans at 44. Anyone else ever been in a situation like this? She keeps insisting that money can't buy happiness--which is indeed true, but it's also pretty goddamned hard to be happy when you can't afford to fix your car or keep the fridge stocked.

09-23-2003, 06:46 PM	#3 (permalink)
guthmund big damn hero	If she's doing it just to live off the government for a couple of years then I'd be upset, but if she is genuinely trying to make something for herself then I don't see the big deal. Like anleja said the loans probably won't be as much as she's expecting. I can attest the real money lies in scholarships and independent grants from businesses not from the government. Sure they'll pay for the books and tuition, but I hope your mom digs Ramen noodles and cheap beer. __________________ No signature. None. Seriously.

09-23-2003, 06:53 PM	#4 (permalink)
Johnny Rotten lost and found Location: Berkeley	Living solely on credit will put her in debt that will take her years and years to get out of. She's better off working a day job and going to night school. She has no kids to raise, I assume from your post, so she doesn't have to worry about the expense of babysitting. __________________ "The idea that money doesn't buy you happiness is a lie put about by the rich, to stop the poor from killing them." -- Michael Caine

09-24-2003, 11:22 AM	#6 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	Dude... it's your Mom... chill out. If she wants to try and figure out her life what's it to you? __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

09-24-2003, 11:22 AM	#7 (permalink)
clavus pow! Location: NorCal	Hmmm...my mom got tired of here shitty job, went back to school, got an MBA and now makes a 6-figure income. Of course, she can't use a pottery-wheel worth a shit... __________________ Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

09-23-2003, 06:23 PM	#2 (permalink)
anleja disconnected Location: ignoreland	I hear the pottery business is booming, maybe she should focus on that. Um, but really, the loans will probably be only enough to pay for her classes and books, etc. When reality hits, and she can't pay for anything, then maybe she'll straighten out? Then again, she could quit school and keep the loans, then she is all set. Problem solved, no? Oh... the matter of paying back the loans... well, I hope someone here can tell you something to do, or something to tell her to wise up. All I can suggest is that if she does do the student loan thing, try hard to encourage her to stay in school. Hopefully she doesn't mind mac and cheese for a while. And hopefully she doesn't rely on you for money, but it sounds like that is going to happen. What a problem! Good luck!

09-24-2003, 02:06 PM	#8 (permalink)
Rodney Observant Ruminant Location: Rich Wannabe Hippie Town	Everybody learns their life lessons at different times in their lives. But it can be a little disconcerting when your mom, with 20+ years on you, _still_ hasn't learned some of the basics. Like everybody else, some thing she just has to learn by herself; nothing else you can do. And if you come on heavy about it, she'll just dig her feet in and get even more stubborn abou it. Yeah, it's the parent/teenager thing, only _you're_ the parent. So like I said, let her find out for herself, because she doesn't want to be taught.

09-25-2003, 06:58 AM	#9 (permalink)
bigjule Upright	going to school and living on aid is actually quite easy and practical. I did it when I returned to college at the age of 30. What happens that makes it work is that after 25 you are a non traditional student which opens you up to a whole new world of grants, loans and scholarships. I was getting $13k a year and only half of that was borrowed. Education is an investment in yourself, so it is worth the loans. Also, do what makes you happy. I did what made money and was miserable, so I went back to school and now I am doing what I enjoy. Sure things are tight, but I can look forward to going to work and I can be proud of what I do. As ricky nelson said, you cant please everyone, so ya gotta please yourself.

09-26-2003, 08:15 AM	#10 (permalink)
savethenaugs Upright Location: Az. Center of nothing.	Student loans suck! They really screw up your life. Just at the time when you are ready to enjoy your new income, you have to start paying them back FOREVER. If she does whatever she's going to do without going into debt, she'll be much happier. Take it from me. My wife and I just paid off all our debts, except the house. We scrimped and saved, and cut out lots of stuff for a few years, but we did it. She's about to get laid off, but it is no big deal, because we don't owe anyone anything. Whatever she ends up doing, try and persuade her from the student loans. As bigjule said, she might be able to pay for her school entirely using scholarships, especially since she is a non traditional student. There are some software programs out there that are searchable and contain all of the details and eligibility requirements for like 60,000 scholarships. She should take a month and spend it applying for 1,000 scholarships, and then school would be paid for. __________________ "You're not allowed to rent here anymore!" -- Randall

09-26-2003, 09:14 AM	#11 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	Student loans may suck to pay back but they make all the difference when you are trying to make a change in your life. Scholarships aren't always an option... __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

09-26-2003, 10:14 PM	#12 (permalink)
em1014 Crazy	HAHA sounds kinda like my mom except she was a bit younger with two young children and she got her rn in the two years it's supposed to take. Oh yeah.. and she lived/lives in a nothing town. Just be glad you're older and able to at least help provide for yourself. It really sucked when she decided not to work and my dad never paid child support. Talk about money being thin... Now she's making much more money than she ever would have if he didn't go to school.

09-27-2003, 09:17 AM	#13 (permalink)
Harshaw Is mad at you. Location: Bored in Sacramento	It sounds like if your mom isn't going to listen to you, there is very little you can do. My main advice would be, ask her to look through the want ads first and make sure their is a market for psychology degrees. If your state is anything like my state, there is NO market for a B.S. in Psych and only a medium market for a masters. I know kind of how you are feeling, after my mom died, my dad quit his job as a teacher (a high paid teacher) and moved around to three different states in three different years. But hell, he didn't have to support me or my brother anymore, so more power to him. __________________ This too shall pass.

09-28-2003, 01:25 PM	#14 (permalink)
Siphen69 Upright	hehe your mom is the shit

09-28-2003, 06:55 PM	#16 (permalink)
emidew22 Upright Location: Boston	Your mom had you at a fairly young age. So she probably spent a large portion of the part of life when you figure your shit out raising you and any siblings you might have. And if she's always had someone to provide for her then maybe she's a little naive about the cost of living and going to school and such. Maybe your mom needs to bounce from one thing to another for a while till she figures out what she wants, since it doesn't sound like she's had that yet. And maybe she needs to be slapped in the face with reality about things like money by screwing up a bit, kinda like a kid. Just try and relax and be supportive, and try and help her do what makes her happy, without forcing financial advice on her. She'll come to you when she needs it, i'm sure.