guthmund

I wasn't exactly sure where to ask this, so by all means move it if you must. I just wasn't sure......

My mother is looking to obtain guardianship of her grandson (my nephew) his mother had him when she was 15 and eight years later she still doesn't know how to be a mother.

My mother has raised the boy since birth, made sure he was fed, clean, made it to school, you know all the motherly stuff. His mother on the other hand was busy doing teenager stuff, bringing drunk guys over, having parties, etc.... She married some guy she was having another kid with, but left "the son" with my grandmother while she was building another home. She's been divorced since August and has moved out of my mother's house again and moved in with her "life-partner" she has no interest in "the son" unless it's to show him around like a show pony and still takes no responsibility for the boy except in lip-service. He knows where he wants to stay. He knows where "home" is.

The question is....

Is there anyway for my mother to obtain guardianship of the grandson? She lives off of disability and social security(she's only 44) and with "the son" living with her she can make medical care decisions and get an extra 400 dollars a month. Plus if something were to happen to my mother (gods forbid) he'd be able to draw some money until he turned 18.

She's going to talk to a lawyer, but she's looking for experienced advice. She wants to know what she's getting into before all this blows up in family court.

Any help and/or advice would be most appreciated.

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phredgreen

*moved to tilted living*

i think that if it comes to the point where it goes before a judge it will be evident rather quickly who the proper guardian for this child is. what we've seen in the past eight years is more than enough for your mother to win custody over the child.

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guthmund

thanks, phred.

She was just interested to see if anyone else had a similar story and could share their experiences. She's just concerned (too concerned in my opinion....)

Everytime I post a question, I usually get some great responses. So I thought I'd post and see what I could find.

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lurkette

My grandparents raised two of my cousins, and they (my gparents) were both retired and in their 70s. My aunt was mentally ill (bipolar, borderline personality disorder) and simply unable to care for them properly.

The bad news is that custody rules vary from state to state, and even from county to county. In our case, it was incredibly difficult to get her kids away from her - we collected evidence, called social services every time something happened, etc., and it still took until they were 9 and 12 for us to get them away permanently.

That's the other issue: what level of custody is your mom seeking? If you want to completely terminate parental rights, as we did, it's a difficult process. If she just wants custody, it can be easier, especially if you have your sister's consent.

I wish your mom luck!

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gonadman

The laws do vary tremendously state to state.

My story:
My sister had two young girls- age 2 and newborn. When the second was born, her husband, a womanizing scumbag, took off. My sister developed a very nasty cancer and eventually was unable to care for the kids. My mother moved in and took total care of them and provided a very loving home.

My sister died when the kids were 8 and 6. The scumbag, who never bothered with the kids, shows up to take the kids to another part of the country the next day(due to the fact that the children were the recipients of a life insurance policy).

We went to court. It was shown he was unable to control money(gambling) he had no home life(sleeping in a different bed every night) and believe it or not, was even accused of child molestation once.

The judge ruled these factors could not overide his parental rights and ordered the children taken from us right there. They were literally dragged out of the courtroom crying hysterically and given to a man they did not even know, and we were powerless.

Sorry to tell you such a horrible story, but I needed to show you how illogical the law can seem. Common sense often falls to the letter of the law and you need to make sure you get an honest appraisal of your mothers chances before she gives any lawyer a dime.

Today the kids sleep on a matress on the floor somewhere in the midwest, and we only get to see them if we *pay* the scumbag.

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guthmund

She's not looking to completely take the kid away, my mother still thinks that she'll eventually come round and do the right thing. She just wants a legal right to help make decisions (medical care...that sort of thing) The kid is pretty vocal about his living situation and what he wants to do. I don't think she's going to sign; she's under enormous pressure from her girlfriend to make this ugly.
Thanks, lurkette I'm sure she'll appreciate it.

Thanks gonadman, for the other side of the story. I'm sorry to hear that about your sister and her kids. Nothing gets me mad faster than a story like that.

We have a couple of lawyers in the family and they've been checking around about family law around here. They seem to think there will be no problem. All I can do is cross my fingers.

I hope this turns out okay and I thank you guys, again, for the comments.

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