Skitto

21 and can't seem to connect with anyone, more specifically the opposite sex.

Anyone got any tips? I'm shy, I'm cleanly, a guitarist and can't catch a girl for the life of me.

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Yeah, well, you're just that awesome, I guess. It's not like I guessed so anyways.

Willravel

Honestly? I wouldn't get too bent out of shape about it. At 21, I had my nose in a textbook or working at one of several jobs for what seemed like 26 hours a day, and somehow among the chaos and the stress, I managed to find love (err, love found me).

If I have any tips it's these: be the person you want to be (physically, mentally, and if you so believe, spiritually), set realistic goals and work hard to achieve them, try to eat right, exercise, and get 8 hours of sleep, and honesty is usually a good way to go, especially with yourself. Otherwise, just be open and don't be too afraid of taking risks. Getting shot down a few times is totally worth the times you're not shot down.

Nepenthes

+1.

Make an effort to be a fun person to be around and to not be shy. I used to think that being shy was just a personality trait that I had to accept, but it is not the case.

What is holding you back from connecting to people?

Jove

Just relax and imagine the girl you are speaking with or want to speak to is a friend you have known for years.

jewels

Connect, like in human connect? Or connect as in hookup?

The brevity and vagueness of your question leads me to wonder if perhaps your communication skills could use a little tweaking.

Smile. Make eye contact. Give a little bit of yourself and you may be surprised at what you get in return.

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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

Baraka_Guru

I'll add to some of what's already been said.

You're young. Focus on yourself, do something significant and meaningful to you, and the rest will follow. Make a life for yourself. Carve out who you are and what you do.

People gravitate to those who do interesting things, and this often attracts likeminded folk who are easier to connect with than other folk.

It's actually quite a natural process and isn't easily done artificially or by any sort of plan. It's easy to know when someone's trying too hard. Avoid trying too hard.

Just don't be complacent, and don't be discouraged if you don't see "results." Many long-lasting relationships both romantic and platonic are formed "out of the blue" or by serendipity.

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

soma

Ok, I already know everyone here is going to disagree with me, but look up this thing called pickup. It's the only reason why I lost my virginity, and while 40% is bullshit, it teaches a lot of good girl skills, relationship skills, and life skills. I discovered it after my first failed relationship, which was a huge failure. It's still a challenge to get girls, but I feel that my understanding of how to go about it is rock solid.

Don't spend any money for any of it though, there are plenty of free resources online.

Edit: I discovered it right around your age, when I just turned 22.

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Having Girl Problems?

snowy

Skitto, I would give you the same advice I give my girlfriends: Patience. It seems like what you're looking for in life comes up when you're not looking for it. I met my husband in a bar when I was just looking to go out for an evening and have a good time.

Be involved in life: volunteer for causes you like, find places to hang out that you enjoy, and do things for yourself. When a man is secure in who he is and not giving off waves of desperation--that is so sexy.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

bagatelle

Many good replies here. I wish I also had been wise enough to rather concentrate on myself than worry I'm getting too old to find a permanent companion. I was almost 23, when I hooked up with hubby-to-be - would have had to wait forever, if I had been looking for a perfect companion...

So true, and married, loyal familymen are sexy too. In a contradicting way.

Plan9

Hey, I'm all for the typical "hit the gym, make new guy friends, do cooking classes" perpetual self-development thing, but the only way you're really going to get good at relationships is by being in them, navigating various situations, dealing with break ups and new people. I'd recommend getting a profile on some online dating sites (OkCupid, PlentyOfFish) and meeting girls that are interested in no-shit dating. There is less bullshit and you can multitask. I mean, you can be the most attractive and interesting guy on the planet but you need to advertise that you're out there and you definitely need to get the experience of wading through dates to both get a feel for what type of people you're into and to develop some perspective on how to handle various relationship challenges like chores, old sex, meshing hobbies, dealing with family, use of money, etc.

And, for fuck's sake, don't rush into moving in with another person and getting married. That stuff can always wait.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Meier_Link

Plan9 has a point with the online dating. If you take some decent pics and maybe look for some pointers about how to fill out your profile (what kind of stuff to avoid, etc.) then you will probably meet some girls on there. Don't use one you have to pay for though and reach out to a lot of girls (meaning every one that you might be interested in) and don't get discouraged, a lot of those girls relationship status has likely changed and others are probably getting a ton of messages so make sure you aren't just copy/pasting the same thing to every one, find something you may have in common that also lets her know you've at least read her profile.

But also I've found that people you meet from the internet are invariably going to be at least a little crazy, so look out for that.

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life is a sexually transmitted disease

Plan9

Meier, I'm going to have to call bullshit on the '90s stereotype that "People from the Internet" (TM) are somehow any different than anybody else.

So, you're on the Web. Are you weird? It's like suggesting that people that use text messages to flirt are weird. It's 2010. It's not weird anymore.

I tend to see the whole pick-up line bar scene as far more weird (alcohol lubricant + superficial posturing + complete strangers) than online dating.

/threadjack

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Meier_Link

I'm not knocking it... I'm just speaking from personal experience. I met a few girls online before the internet was what we know it as today, back in the days of the BBS. And more recently, after getting some helpful professional advice about how to go about online dating, I've met a couple more. Granted, everyone you meet, IRL or otherwise, will probably turn out to be a little neurotic, but I've found that with girls I meet online I've found the standard deviation to be a bit... higher..

But don't let that deter you OP, if you're still reading this, IMO slightly wacky > none at all.

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life is a sexually transmitted disease