CinnamonGirl

I recently came across this article about "sleep sharing." (note: it starts out sounding like an ad, but then goes into personal experiences that make for an interesting read.)

The basic idea is this: we've all been told that babies & kids should be in their own room, in their own bed, as soon as possible. Horror stories about letting a child share your bed and then being unable to sleep alone (and thus disrupting the sleep of the parents) abound. However...in the doctor's personal experience (and apparently, others' as well), mother and baby sleeping next to each other had positive effects on both. The babies were less likely to experience sleep apnea (the article mentions the mother's breath on the baby's face acts as sort of a "pacemaker"), and the mothers were more attuned to their child and could just reach over to caress the baby back to sleep, or move seamlessly into nursing, then back to sleeping.



Do any of you have experience with this? I'm pretty sure I didn't sleep NEXT to my mother as a baby, but I know (or at least, I was told, and I saw her do the same later with my brother) she kept me in a bassinet right next to the bed for the first few months-- within easy reach, but not breathing distance. I couldn't really tell you how it affected my sleep, although now I want to ask her.

I'm not pregnant, and not planning on being so anytime soon...but this fascinates me. I'm a deep sleeper, though, and I think I'd be terrified of rolling over on the baby (but maybe my sleep patterns would change instinctively?) Those of you with kids, how did you handle sleeping arrangements? Those of you who aren't, is this something you'd do? How were things when you were a baby?

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ZombieSquirrel

Why are you thinking about babies? Should Eden be worried? Heck, should I and all of TFP be worried that Eden's Lady is having baby thoughts. The world is not ready for Eden spawn.

You may not be pregnant....but you're thinking about it. Weird. BabyCinnamon would be cute.

"Tick. Tock," says the biological clock.

Anyhoo, don't know if I slept in the bed with my parents and it's too late to ask them.

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filtherton

We've co-slept with both our children. So far it's been okay. As with all things involving children, there are risks and as with all things risky, risk can be mitigated.

Don't drink and sleep. Don't do it in a twin bed.

The_Jazz

There are two separate things here that I see: the first is sleeping NEXT to the mother (in a separate bassinet). The second is sleeping WITH the mother (in the same bed).

I'm for the former and vehemently against the latter.

Our kids (including the next one) slept in the room with us within arm's reach of my wife. I doubt that she was breathing much on either baby, but they were close enough to hear her breathe.

I know several folks who have done co-sleeping (sleeping in the same bed), but that's definitely not for me. Every so often you'll read about a baby being smothered by a parent who rolled onto them in the middle of the night and never knew. Sometimes even toddlers. It seems dangerous to me. And if it's not dangerous then it means that I wouldn't sleep well. There seems to be no middle ground.

That said, I have a brother-in-law with 3 kids that does/did co-sleeping. Their 4-year old still sleeps with them (ew), and the 9- and 11-year olds usually end up in bed with their parents most nights. And that's another problem that I have.

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Hektore

My wife and I have a four month old and every single medical professional that we've come into contact with as a part of his birth and care has been very clear that co-sleeping is a really bad idea. The benefits relative to putting the child into a bassinet beside the bed are very small and there is a significant risk of smothering the child, as Jazz said. Also, the blankets and mattresses most adults use are far to heavy and soft for an infant to be safe in, even alone, due to the risk of suffocation.

Our boy sleeps in his own crib, in his own room, every night, without problems.

I'm sure there are going to be plenty of people that come in here with the "Well, it never hurt anyone I know." bit, but children absolutely do die from this and it's 100% preventable.

Don't co-sleep. It's not worth the risk.

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Jinn

Haven't they shown that sleeping with the parent is also the number one risk factor for SIDS?

---------- Post added at 03:11 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:10 PM ----------

EDIT: Found an abstract for the study I was remembering:

What is the mechanism of sudden infant deaths asso... [N Z Med J. 2009] - PubMed result

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Starkizzer

I can see sleeping with or near the baby during its early months being beneficial to all parties. Babies wake up in the middle of the night and cry. One parent has to get up and go deal with the babe. I think this whole process would be a lot easier and less stressful on the parents if the baby was closer than in the "nursery" down the hall.

I think if I had a very fussy baby and knew that it slept better next to me, thus allowing me and smrt better sleep, I would be okay with it. I would be a little worried about rolling over onto it but I guess you become aware that something squish-able is in bed next to you. I do not think this sleep arrangement should extend any longer than maybe a few months. At that point a crib in the room would be next to see how they do and then eventually down the hall. But this only would take place if it was deemed necessary, I would try it out in its own room to start with.

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CinnamonGirl

BabyCinn would be AWESOMELY cute, it's true. Honestly, though, child development was always my favorite part of psychology, and this goes along with that.



Interesting. The article I originally posted implied co-sleeping would prevent SIDS. Hmmm. My knowledge of SIDS is pretty limited to "don't lay the baby on its stomach," but soft bedding makes sense. What if the parents had an extra-firm mattress, I wonder?

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"...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world."


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

PonyPotato

Know what's funny about SIDS and the "back to sleep" thing? I believe it was proven at one point that SIDS was due to some chemicals in bedding/mattresses (if I can find an article about it, I will post a separate thread), and instead of recalling everything, "back to sleep" worked instead since the baby was no longer breathing in said chemicals.

The problem with "back to sleep," though, is that tummy time is ESSENTIAL for proper muscle development, posture, and core strengthening in the back. We're seeing a lot of children in physical therapy these days because they didn't get enough tummy time, and it delays all of their physical development. Dorsal strengthening and development is primary in learning all types of locomotion.

Done with my threadjack.

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Charlatan

We kept both of our kids in a bassinet close to the bed. When it was time to feed, my wife would just bring the baby into the bed to feed while she would drift in and out of sleep. Once done, the baby was back in the bassinet.

We didn't have any issues with getting them into their own beds once they were weaned.

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Slims

I am pretty sure babies who are sleeping with their parents die because the parents are typically morbidly obese and they roll over, suffocating the poor child. Or the child is particularly weak/frail and cannot wiggle, etc.

From the day my daughter was born she could turn her head for air, and parents 20 years ago were told to make sure they put their kids to sleep on their stomachs in order to prevent suffocation.

She is now two months old and can manipulate sheets off of her face, scream (good problem solver for all but the most negligent of crackhead parents who are sleeping in the same bed), roll over, kick and squirm, nuzzle close, etc. My wife wakes up if the baby gurgles wrong, even though she was a heavy sleeper before having her.

After being given a lot of CYA advice by 'experts' I have decided to use a little common sense. If sleeping in the bed with your kid was likely to kill it the human race would have long since died out.

Remember that 50 years ago Psychologists widely recommended that parents limit their touching/emotional interaction with their children to the bare minimum necessary to sustain life and educate them. They specifically recommended against hugging and/or kissing your child on the cheek more than a couple times a year.

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mixedmedia

I co-slept off and on with all of my children, particularly with my youngest whom I co-slept with by necessity until she was about 6 or 7, I guess. There were no significant obstacles in the transitioning to her own bed when the time came.

I understand the concerns about co-sleeping, but fact is there are many, many places in the world where co-sleeping is customary. I think the larger part of the danger as perceived here in the states is due to the difference in bedding customs. We use a lot of pillows and big, voluminous blankets and comforters that aren't standard in other countries. With modifications to the bedding, most parents could expect to co-sleep safely with their children with the exception of those who sleep extremely deeply and may, in fact, roll over on their children. This was never a problem for me.

Overall, I guess I would be pretty neutral about recommending co-sleeping to other parents. It has its benefits and its disadvantages.

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eribrav

We did not co-sleep with ours.
I am a very heavy sleeper and would not feel safe doing it.
Have you ever noticed that even on a firm mattress you create a depression? The baby is going to be pulled in that direction and when they're very small there's no way for them to resist getting pulled up against, and then possible under you.
Pony, agree that tummy time is really important but you have all day long to do it with them. It's not a reason to have them sleep face down.

Xerxys

My oldest niece was a force to be reconned with when she was a kiddo. Could not stop crying and REALLY loud. I recorded her and she screamed non stop for about 2 hours with me and her dad trying to pacify her in the godless AM hours of the night. Odd enough, at 8 she is eager to get her own room after feeling like she's too old to be sleeping with "mommy". My other sister, on the other hand, STILL sleeps with my mom, she's 25. I don't think you can prevent kids from sleeping on your bed if they are determined to do so.

Horror stories about parents smothering toddlers and infants are just sad and careless. I can't sleep so heavily as to not pay attention to what I am lying on (explains neck pain every morning).

The_Jazz

Let's remember that there is no one cause for SIDS and that sometimes babies just die.

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ring

As Ms. Media said:" There are many places in the world where co-sleeping is customary."

I had concerns when I slept with my young niece in the bed, even though I was a light sleeper. I wedged a thin pillow between us after she was asleep for added protection.

I've co-slept with 5 week old kittens & puppies too. Cinnamon girl asked if your sleep awareness would instinctively change in these situations. It did for me. Much like not moving while a new lover falls asleep in your arms.

I slept next to my mom in my parents' bed, on & off till I was 8.
Dad didn't like it much, so I would wait till he was asleep & then quietly crawl in on mom's side. Thanks mom!

snowy

I find Jinn's link interesting, because there's a piece on cosleeping in my infant/child development textbook that suggests that cosleeping might actually be beneficial in preventing SIDS; this is apparently due to the fact that in cultures where cosleeping is common, SIDS is rare (McKenna, 2002, McKenna and McDade, 2005:Elsevier). There are a number of studies out there that directly contradict the information presented in Jinn's link--that's science for you, I suppose.

So here's some information on SIDS taken from the same text (Berk, 2008): SIDS is the leading cause of infant mortality for children under 1 year of age. Its incidence peaks between 2 and 4 months. There is no precise known cause of SIDS. Some associated factors with SIDS: prematurity, low birth weight, poor Apgar scores, limp muscle tone, abnormal heart rate, abnormal respiration, disturbances in sleep-wake cycles, and a mild respiratory infection. There are several hypotheses as to the cause of SIDS: these infants have problems in brain function that prevent them from knowing when their survival is threatened, environmental factors such as maternal cigarette smoking or the baby being overly warm, and again, respiratory infections.

Personally, I'd like my child to be able to self-soothe, but I also understand how important it is for an infant to attach securely to its parent, and being able to comfort an infant quickly definitely helps build trust between infant/parent, leading to that secure attachment. I would probably go the bassinet-by-the-bed route, because I would like them to be close but not in bed with me. I like the strategy of moving the bassinet further away the older the child is, until the child is in their own crib and soothing themselves at night, as that is appropriate when they are older. As a childcare worker, I appreciate kids who can self-soothe at nap time.

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Cat_Eyes

I had a bassinet next to my bed when my boys were babies. I was worried about rolling over because I am a deep sleeper and bed hog, too.
I did try with my second son- he didn't sleep the night through until he was six years old. I was one tired momma, let me tell you. Yet it didn't help his sleeping and with Doctors telling me to let him cry... I'm so glad he's older.

Willravel

I roll over, so no. We did have the little one in a cradle and later crib in the room for a while, though.

levite

Yeah, I've been hearing about this (Mrs. Levite and I are thinking about starting to try to get her pregnant, so we've been doing research). Seems like it's the flavor of the month in alternative baby-care circles these days.

I have to say, this just doesn't sound like a good idea. Putting the baby's bassinet in your room for the first few months is one thing-- that does sound like a good idea. But actually having the baby sleep in the bed with you? No. And especially not after the first few months. That just seems like a great way to make sure the baby thinks you will always be there to entertain/feed/whatever, 24/7, and that you will never have good boundaries. I think it's perfectly healthy to be very close, loving, affectionate, demonstrative, and still sleep in different places.

Turns out one of my best friends and his wife did this with their son-- I never knew until just recently. He said that for the first two years almost, their son slept with them. He constantly worried about rolling over, about waking the baby with snoring, about accidentally farting on the baby in his sleep, and so forth, and he and his wife barely had any sex the entire two years.

So, no thank you.

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Titan_Uranus

Co-slept with both kids & did it in the spare room, so it worked out fine.

Meditrina

I was staying away from this thread, only because from my past experience, this can be a very controversial topic (and I shy away from those kinds of things). I didn't read all of your replies either. One thing that I have learned since becoming a mother is that every child, every parent, every situation is different. You have to do what is right for you and your baby. Saying that, I can say that when my children were babies there were some nights that we co-slept, but it was not on a regular basis. It was on as needed basis. It was easier than me getting up and down all night. My children are now 8 and 13 and both sleep in their own rooms, unless there is a thunderstorm.

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kutulu

We did it with our first two with no problems whatsoever and now with our third as well.

ItWasMe

We did on and off with each child. The first one was ok sleeping in her crib in my room for about 6 months. Getting her own room changed things. She was terrible about sleeping in her own bed even at age 4/5. The second kept waking after a few minutes in her crib, fell right back to sleep when I brought her to our bed. I didn't sleep well/deeply with her in my bed for fear of rolling on her. I finally figured out she was just cold and turned the heat up in her room. That worked a bit. Third one was easier to get out of my bed ... because she climbs in with everyone else, even now at age 5.

I think part of the bed problem is that even a small baby can tell mommy's & daddy's bed is much softer and comfortable than that hard crib mattress. Even if it is for safety reasons.

I wonder if it isn't also partially instinct to sleep with a protector to keep one safe and warm.

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spindles

Our first son last exactly one night in our room - noisy little $%^& - I'm a pretty light sleeper and having little Mr Snorty in the room with us just wasn't cutting it. *My* and Mrs spindles sleep is more important than proximity!!

Is there an option for positioning the baby as far away from the parent's room as possible? That's what I'd choose!

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Cimarron29414

Bassinet next to the bed until 3 months.
Crib in own room until 2 and a half.
Bed in own room now.

He's crawled into our bed a few times now that he's older, if he's had a bad dream. Maybe 10 times.

My sister-in-law is an ER nurse. She gets a dead baby once a month ue to suffocation by sleeping mom. It's always the same scene - mom in night gown running through ER door with dead baby screaming - "Fix it, Fix it!" Yeah, it's enough to make us not want to do this. What's crazy is that the very same sister-in-law did co-sleeping for all of her children.

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Grasshopper Green

This. If I've learned one thing about parenting, it's that hot-button issues (and there are plenty of them) invoke strong feelings and there are plenty of people who think their way is the only way and people who do differently are bad parents and are damaging their children for life by their horrible, horrible choices.

I don't have a lot of experience with co-sleeping; my son slept in his crib until he was two, at which point he started sleeping with us. We moved when he was two and he had a hard time adjusting to his new room. He slept with us for about a year and a half, and after that we transitioned him back to his own bed and he was fine. My sister and her husband have co-slept with their son since he was born and now he won't fall asleep any other way. They'd like to transition him but he's not having it. He is 5. I do know if hubby and I ever have another (unlikely, but you never know), the baby will sleep in a crib. I'm a light sleeper, but I wouldn't feel safe sleeping with an infant and I don't want to have difficulties getting my child to sleep on it's own down the road.

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ring

I found this link to be an interesting read:
Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory

I don't have any further personal experiences to share.
I'm not a parent.