Raghnar -ITA-

It's been a while since I've posted. I'm sorry, this is a fabolous internet corner, but many things happened: I've started practicing parkour and builded my own blog (and later a little forum).

When things goes hard this is a good place to post.

If you remember some of my posts or chats, I'm a PhD nuclear physics student, and since almost a year ago I planned to trip to Vancouver/Seattle where a big joint venture of theoretical and experimental nuclear physics do THE stuff that I want to do.
Few days ago I've not been admitted to the Nuclear Physics Summer School that is the main door to enter in that world.

For this reason I think that I'm again falling into depression. During these days I don't want to go to work, to wake up, even to going out when it's sunny and train or run a little. I'm in an apathic, nervous and sad state, simple watching TV series or playing videogames all day, with no-will of doing anything creative.

Now I've too many doubt on my work: Does someone care about my work? does these ideas worth the effort? does I really fitted for this work?
I think I cannot work without having answers to these (and others) questions, but I think I cannot have the answer, surely not unless I finish the job...

I'm only feeling I'm failing everything I do, and the PhD is mine worst idea...

__________________
English N00b - Please help if you have time and correct my errors

Pearl Trade

Only you can answer those questions, man. Seems you're just in a rut for now. Do what you want to do and what makes you happy. Get out of the house a bit, do some parkour, do things you love. Get laid, hang with friends. Do these things no matter what, don't try and tell yourself otherwise.

Get out and have some fun. Whether you feel like it or not, you must do these things. You know you have to.

__________________

Our revenge will be the laughter of our children.
Give me convenience or give me death!

Wes Mantooth

Its possible that you've just hit a wall with your career, the frustration builds and you begin to mentally shut down. I've been there many times wondering if I'm just wasting my time, do I really have the talent to do this, is it what I really want to do ect...its a tough place to find yourself.

Sometimes you just need to distance yourself from whats bringing you down. It helps put things in perspective, it clears out cluttered thoughts and gives you time to think about where you want to be. It always seems to do the trick for me anyway.

Best of luck and I hope you get it worked out.

__________________

Raghnar -ITA-

this morning I've talked to my girlfriend and the things that she said upset me so much. She simply don't understand, not even a little bit. Maybe even doesn't care... Now she's departing to a National Lab and telling me "Hey! Things are all right! Going to a National Lab isn't all that exciting..." :-|

My best friend said to me "Hey! you have a job, don't stress yourself, your tutor isn't gonna fire you so keep a low profile and let slip this three years!" this is the LAST thing in my mind, the thing that frighten me most is to slip the most precious time of my career spinning in circle only to get payed at the end of the month and my biggest doubt before entering PhD is exactly the fear of being forced in a time-wasting activity.

It's possible that none of my closed friends understand an heck of what I'm feeling?

__________________
English N00b - Please help if you have time and correct my errors

dlish

Raghnar, have you chosen to disclosed some of this stuff to your friends?

if you havent, how can you expect them to know what you're thinking?

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

girldetective

ASAP - See your MD, or a therapist (school, private, free, EAP, whatever).
Speak to your MD about medication.
It is unusual that I would just outright suggest the possible use of psychotropic meds,
but there is something about your post that seems serious to me.

__________________
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons...be cheerful; strive for happiness - Desiderata

Raghnar -ITA-

As I written in the third post: everytime I tell to someone (you mean that by "disclose"?) I get an answer so dissappointing from my very best friends that I wish I've never spoke.

E.G. with my best friend that told me not to stress and let slip the payed three years doing the less I can, I had a very long talk, before entering PhD program, asking if, in her opinion, I was going to be a good grad student and make out something good in my three years.
She know exactly that my worst fear is let years passing without doing anything important, or at least, I supposed she remember, as a best friend, my worst fear.

@girldetective: why you say so? what do you see as serious?

btw the day after the the third post I've gone out lazying all late afternoon, taking some pictures, visiting some friends, having a beer... things like that (not parkour, is better not to practicing when you're not concentrated and are sad about yourself). It was reliefing, but now I'm back in a bad mood...

__________________
English N00b - Please help if you have time and correct my errors

genuinegirly

I love your signature.

Ok, something to clarify here:
No matter what you choose to do in your field, it will be substantial. As long as you continue to work, you will be adding to the scientific knowledge base that will inevitably assist in the advancement of humanity.

Do you enjoy the daily tasks involved in your work? Do you enjoy the people in your field? If you've answered no to either of these questions, get out of it. If not, you're set.

I have so much more that I'd like to say to encourage you, but I don't know where to start.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

Ourcrazymodern?

I concur w/gg, by no means qualified.

Your worst idea is feeling you're failing.

__________________
BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

Raghnar -ITA-

honesty, sometimes the most lovely virtue.

I respectfully disagree with that. Surely is a lot OT talking about scientific method, but there are a lot of way to running circles without advancing a bit but make a lot of effort (and work).

though questions.
Do I enjoy my work or my mental image of my work?
I enjoy a lot about doing science, and I hate a lot also, I enjoy a lot of people, I can't think anyone I hate (at all) but I can think many that I hate working with...
The bad and good think about reality is that is difficoult to divide in bad and good.

whatever you say will be appreciated a lot, seriously.

__________________
English N00b - Please help if you have time and correct my errors