Hektore

So, I'm getting married in 12 days, the 25th. And I was looking for advice from you folks about the wedding day

Things you did that you wish you wouldn't have or things you didn't do that you wish you would have.

Also things you're glad you did or glad you didn't do.

Any insights will be greatly appreciated

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The advantage law is the best law in rugby, because it lets you ignore all the others for the good of the game.

Plan9

I don't recommend marriage to any man, but if you're gonna do it...

...

Probably unique to me, but make sure everybody has their god damn shoelaces. It's a disaster to remedy an hour before go time.

Don't see the bride at all during that day. She'll push her stress onto you. Day-of women are like short-fuzed nuclear bombs in white.

Do not... DO NOT let your best man drink a handle of JD the night before. Keep your friends sober until AFTER the ceremony.

If you have caterers... make sure they have plates and utensils provided. It's a no duh to you and me, but somehow they fucked up my wedding reception by having utensils but no plates! Everybody was eating cake off napkins, it was a disaster. Have backups, even if it's paper plates and plastic forks.

Maintain spacing from the bride when walking back down the aisle after the ceremony. Don't faceplant your new wife by stepping on her dress.

Make sure you bully the photographer. He's getting paid a ludicrous amount to snap photos. Make sure he snaps a zillion of them.

Have a good pen available to sign formal paperwork after the song 'n dance. Nothing worse than a crappy Papermate mark on what may be the most important document you ever sign aside from the bank paperwork getting you that red Corvette at 50. Have one of your buddies gift you a fancy pen.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

genuinegirly

KEYS.

The car that you will take from the church to the reception - make sure that the keys end up in the pocket of the groom or the best man before the ceremony. Tt and I were left for an hour at the church while we tried to reach the person with the keys, or anyone for that matter. We didn't end up with any photographs of our fancy clothes with my freshly-detailed MINI cooper because of this fiasco - I was really looking forward to those shots, too.

Also because of that mess, there wasn't any parking for us at the reception. Reserve a parking place by the front door for the bride and groom.

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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

Flinx

Have an escape plan.
I mean it. Bride an Groom should ahead of time decide on a approximate time to leave the reception and how. I stress approximate NOT exact time.
Otherwise you get caught up in all the fun and could miss your train/plane or whatever for your honeymoon.

Plan ahead of time how much your maximum alcohol intake is going to be and then reduce it by at least one drink, stick to that nothing sucks more then being drunk on your wedding night. It's also part of that special day so enjoy it, you can get drunk another day.

Expect that SOMETHING will go wrong, don't stress on it though. That way when the caterer face plants the cake or the best man drops the ring trying to hand it to the groom you can laugh about it (umm later if it's the cake, just pickup the ring and get on with it).

genuinegirly mentioned keys, have a spare set handy just in case. I once saw a wedding where the groom locked his keys in his car, the wedding party waited a hour or so till CAA showed up and unlocked the car (I was very popular when I finally showed up and unlocked his vehicle. Bride, Brides Maid and both mothers kissed me even though I was covered in dirt an grease.)

dippin

As a man, dont try new ways to "groom" yourself on the day of the wedding. Instead of shaving the way I normally shave any regular day, I went to a barber, thinking it would be smoother, etc. He ended up cutting me. Chicks dig scars, but not when they are brand new, occasionally bleeding ( it was that bad) and it appears on their wedding pics...

A female friend of mine also decided to try some new stuff to look "smooth" down there for her man, tried that nair (or whatever the chemical hair removal thing is) because she heard it was a painless alternative to waxing, and had a severe reaction to it.

Baraka_Guru

If there is a spat of time between the ceremony and reception (for photos, or whatever), for the love of everything holy in this world, have something for the kids to do!

Whether it's crafts, snacks, or a jumpy playcastle—or a combination thereof—do not leave children with nothing to do for more than an hour.

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

snowy

I am getting married next summer, so I am watching this thread closely for tips. Great information so far, guys! Thanks!

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Glory's Sun

don't put the unity candle (if you have one) under a vent. this requires best man to run down the aisle searching for his lighter that he used just a mere hour earlier to smoke a fat one because the fancy church lighter won't work. To top that, don't turn around in the middle of the unity ceremony and proclaim to your mother in law that she got the wrong candle.. loudly enough to be heard by multiple rows of people.



just take my advice on that ok?

Redlemon

Alternately, delay your honeymoon by a day or two. (This hint is probably too late to help Hektore, but might help someone else.) We spent two nights at a local bed-and-breakfast, then flew to the Caribbean. This was a nice stress reducer.

Also, the day after your wedding, spend a lot of time discussing every detail of what happened before and during the wedding and reception. (I'm sure you'll remember what happened after the reception no problem .) This will help the "it all went by in a blur" reaction that so many people have after their weddings. 14 years now, and we still remember a whole lot of the wedding.

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I can't read your signature. Sorry.

Lucifer

I'm also getting married next fall, so this is great advice!

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I am a brother to dragons, and a companion to owls.
- Job 30:29

1123, 6536, 5321

dlish

dont get married in summer...oops..too late

dont see the bride at all that day cos it'd drive you nuts

say no to family pics. this day is about you and her. tell the tagger-onners to beat it

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- Filthy

Hektore

Thanks for everything so far, not of it it applies to me, but I'm sure will help others

My personal details:

We're getting married outside, in a state park, on top of a mountain, in a garden. The reception tent will be located approximately 150 yards from the altar.

We've also got this whole get-up organized before hand, where I'm going to get all my pictures with everyone, except her, beforehand. Then she goes, after I leave, so the only pictures to be taken between the ceremony and reception are the ones with everyone and the two of us.

Because it's a state park there is no open bar, alcohol may only be served with the meal and I believe it's a 3 drink per person max, no liquor.

dlish - If I don't get at least one picture with my mother I'm fairly certain she would stop speaking to me.

Also, has anybody heard about this thing called 'trash the dress'. Our photographer brought it up and said basically about a week later, you get all dressed up again and go out and get pictures taken you wouldn't normally do for fear of staining the dress (it's not the goal just much more likely). Anybody ever try that?

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The advantage law is the best law in rugby, because it lets you ignore all the others for the good of the game.

genuinegirly

For my friends in California, "trash the dress" usually meant taking the dress to the beach and wading around in the water and sand. It usually destroyed their dresses: huge tears, train torn from the rest of the dress, stains that wouldn't come out, fine fabrics like organza and silk stiffened or otherwise altered. If it's a dress that you want to pass on or treasure, be aware of the risks involved. The photographer will be very enthusiastic about the idea, will show you artsy photos of the experience with other clients. You may find yourself with an unhappy wife if you decide to go along without understanding the consequences.

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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

f6twister

If you are renting tuxes, have the guys try their tux on again when they pick it up and make sure it not only fits but everything is correct. I ended up running back to the store on the day of my wedding to exchange the vests for the correct type and exchanging a pair of wrong size shoes for the correct size.

Also, if you are wearing shoes that come with a rented tux, buy some insoles or other padding. My feet were extremely sore by the end of the night.

Discuss with your future wife the pros & cons of smashing the cake into each others face and decide which route you want to take. I've seen too many husbands come close to being castrated by a cake knife because the groom ruined the brides hair, make-up and dress.

I'm not sure how far this tradition runs in the U.S. but where I live, guests and wedding party members often clink their glasses with their utensils during the dinner until the bride and groom kiss. This gets extremely annoying, especially if it is done often. Instead of allowing this, make them work for it by making them do something like sing a song (that everyone can hear, not just you).

My biggest piece of advice.....take at least 15 min a couple of times during the reception to spend alone with your new bride just to relax and talk. The planning of the wedding seems to take forever but your wedding day seems to be done in an instant. This helps slow things down a little. You also spend almost all day surrounded by others and you need to take a little time to be alone as a couple.

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A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day. Calvin

Glory's Sun

don't do this:

BBC NEWS | Europe | Bride's bouquet brings down plane

fresnelly

Delegate, delegate, delegate. The less you have to do personally the better. The BEST best man is someone who is fully aware of the schedule and responsibilities so you don't have to worry.

If you are having photos taken between the cermony and reception, consider activities for the guests because that time can drag. Ours was outdoors so we had croquet and badminton set up on the lawn and the caterer served cocktails and hors d'ouvres while people milled around. It was a definite hit.

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Building an artificial intelligence that appreciates Mozart is easy. Building an A.I. that appreciates a theme restaurant is the real challenge - Kit Roebuck - Nine Planets Without Intelligent Life

cj2112

Relax...things will go wrong, it will be these things that will become great memories if you let them.

DO NOT get drunk the night before. You don't want to be hungover and puking during your wedding. I suggest going to bed early the night before.

Tell her how beautiful she looks as soon as she meets you at the alter.

No matter how much one of her friends/relatives annoys you, that is not the time or place to tell them off.

Crompsin knows wtf he's talking about, follow his advice in this thread.

ColonelSpecial

I have to say good job to you for planning on doing a lot of the pictures beforehand. Trying to do them all afterwards is a drag. I had my photographer take a large group shot of everyone right after the ceremony. It is my favorite picture by far because I'll be able to remember everyone who was there.

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"Mommy, the presidents are squishing me!"

"Using the pull out method of contraceptive is like saying I won't use a seat belt, I'll just jump out of the car before it hits that tree."

Sara

SabrinaFair

Speaking of pictures, in the wedding I was in earlier this summer, we got this great shot of the bridal party throwing rose petals at the couple as they ran out of the church. I thought that was pretty cool.

I'm in the "always the bridesmaid, never the bride camp", but my best advice coming from my experience in that capacity is to prepare for contingencies and don't freak out when things don't go as expected. You can't plan for certain things, and you can't control everything. Just relax and enjoy. My friend planned her wedding for two-and-a-half years (and talked of little else), didn't enjoy it, since then has only bitched about what all went wrong.....guess who is rapidly getting phased out of my life....

Oh, and don't forget the bride at the church on your way to the reception...she'll get MAD.

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"With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."
-Desiderata

Giant Hamburger

I went to a wedding where the bride and groom got into a drunken fist fight during the reception. Both were able to land a couple of good head shots on each other before they were separated.

Don't do that.

amonkie

Don't forget the rings. My cousin's wedding was delayed over an hour, with the bride kept in the dark, while someone went back to his apartment to get them.

Another vote for keeping people entertained. I have played for many weddings and receptions, and seen some interesting things. One wedding hired 2 magicians. They weren't the cheesy sort - I actually ended up having one come to my university for a special show.

Make sure your bride has some friends to follow you guys to wherever she is changing out of her dress. I know you'll want to be alone, but if that's the case, be prepared to help her get out of her dress, pack it away, get pins out of her hair, etc etc etc. It will totally be worth waiting 20 mins for a friend or two to help her, then they will of course bail out and leave you be.

I've been maid of honor for several weddings and bridesmaids for more - let your best man and maid of honor take control on details that don't require your input. They're 2 of the people who probably know you best and what you would want, that's why you picked them in the first place!

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Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

spindles

My brother's wedding - the pen looked really nice, but in one photo, it picked up that it was an advertising pen for a funeral director I don't think anyone noticed during the day, but I got a laugh out of it later...

---------- Post added at 11:44 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:37 AM ----------

Advice? Have fun, and don't sweat the small things.

Ask someone well in advance to be MC (if you aren't paying a professional). Make sure they are actually good at organising and can speak well in public. A good one won't make a reception better, but a bad one can be a train wreck.

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who hid my keyboard's PANIC button?

Bear Cub

Make sure the wife to be has chosen hot bride's maids, so that your groomsmen/ushers can plow them in the closet at the back of the church. Everyone will thank you for it.

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Living in the United Socialist States of America.

Anormalguy

OTOH don't be shy about telling the photographer you're sick of posing (sit here, stand there, turn that way, let's try this shot, etc). By the end of our reception my wife & I were ready to kill our photographer.

Check to see if other major events are planned in the area(s) where the wedding and reception are taking place. A parade that we didn't know about caused many of our guests, most importantly my parents, to be nearly an hour late to our wedding. The preacher was beginning to push to start without them!

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In a society where the individual is not free to pursue the truth...there is neither progress, stability nor security.--Edward R. Murrow

ItWasMe

Outside in a state park on a mountain, in a garden? Hehehe. Our friend did something similar last summer.

Tomorrow, buy a regular bakery cake, take it out of the box, and put it on a table where your reception tent will be. Open a case of soda, pour into a punch bowl, and put beside the cake. See how long it takes for either ants, bees, or something similar to show up. If it's going to be a problem, find out now instead of on your wedding day.

Unity candles outside can be a challenge, to say the least. If you use them, make sure you have a lighter. You can only light them, or attempt to light them, so many times with a half-book of matches.

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"Ok, no more truth-or-dare until somebody returns my underwear" ~ George Lopez

I bake cookies just so I can lick the bowl. ~ ItWasMe

Plan9

Well, I was referring to the fly-on-the-wall reception shots. My photographer thought he'd take a break, have some drinks, etc. during the reception. I had to get all NCO on his ass and tell him to take informal pictures of my wedding instead of acting like a guest.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

ratbastid

Don't expect to eat much of the food you're buying and serving. You're not at your wedding to enjoy yourself.

lurkette and I stopped at Olive Garden on the way to our hotel after the wedding, completely ravenous.

Plan9

Uh... you're doing it wrong. I ate friggin' everything. It was delicious expensive hoo-hoo food and I wasn't going to let some unappreciative bottom-of-the-listers (ya know, the kind that gift you really cheap flatware) enjoy it and not myself. Most of the wedding pics are of me eating and gesturing.

Granted, it all depends on the tempo of your wedding and if you can control your tapeworm.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Shell

Attached Images

Wedding Rings.jpg (26.5 KB, 75 views)

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..."Say what you think. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" ~ Dr. Seuss

Plan9

Yeah, gold is tacky. My nuts and bolts were titanium.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Anormalguy

I understood what you said. Our photographer apparantly didn't know how to take informal photos; he insisted on posing nearly all the shots. To make matters worse the photos aren't that great.

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In a society where the individual is not free to pursue the truth...there is neither progress, stability nor security.--Edward R. Murrow

Bear Cub

Those rings look phenomenal, and the implications when slapping your wife at a later date are even more phenomenal.

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Living in the United Socialist States of America.

ItWasMe

If her dress has a train, make sure the photographer takes photos of the back of the dress. Ours missed that, and I was disappointed.

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"Ok, no more truth-or-dare until somebody returns my underwear" ~ George Lopez

I bake cookies just so I can lick the bowl. ~ ItWasMe

Redlemon

I just read an article about it in our alternative newsweekly paper, which contained a link to the blog Trash The Dress. Check it out for inspirational photographs, and to see if you would want to try it.

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