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Plan9 · 07-13-2009, 09:16 AM

I don't recommend marriage to any man, but if you're gonna do it...

...

Probably unique to me, but make sure everybody has their god damn shoelaces. It's a disaster to remedy an hour before go time.

Don't see the bride at all during that day. She'll push her stress onto you. Day-of women are like short-fuzed nuclear bombs in white.

Do not... DO NOT let your best man drink a handle of JD the night before. Keep your friends sober until AFTER the ceremony.

If you have caterers... make sure they have plates and utensils provided. It's a no duh to you and me, but somehow they fucked up my wedding reception by having utensils but no plates! Everybody was eating cake off napkins, it was a disaster. Have backups, even if it's paper plates and plastic forks.

Maintain spacing from the bride when walking back down the aisle after the ceremony. Don't faceplant your new wife by stepping on her dress.

Make sure you bully the photographer. He's getting paid a ludicrous amount to snap photos. Make sure he snaps a zillion of them.

Have a good pen available to sign formal paperwork after the song 'n dance. Nothing worse than a crappy Papermate mark on what may be the most important document you ever sign aside from the bank paperwork getting you that red Corvette at 50. Have one of your buddies gift you a fancy pen.

07-13-2009, 09:16 AM	#2 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	I don't recommend marriage to any man, but if you're gonna do it... ... Probably unique to me, but make sure everybody has their god damn shoelaces. It's a disaster to remedy an hour before go time. Don't see the bride at all during that day. She'll push her stress onto you. Day-of women are like short-fuzed nuclear bombs in white. Do not... DO NOT let your best man drink a handle of JD the night before. Keep your friends sober until AFTER the ceremony. If you have caterers... make sure they have plates and utensils provided. It's a no duh to you and me, but somehow they fucked up my wedding reception by having utensils but no plates! Everybody was eating cake off napkins, it was a disaster. Have backups, even if it's paper plates and plastic forks. Maintain spacing from the bride when walking back down the aisle after the ceremony. Don't faceplant your new wife by stepping on her dress. Make sure you bully the photographer. He's getting paid a ludicrous amount to snap photos. Make sure he snaps a zillion of them. Have a good pen available to sign formal paperwork after the song 'n dance. Nothing worse than a crappy Papermate mark on what may be the most important document you ever sign aside from the bank paperwork getting you that red Corvette at 50. Have one of your buddies gift you a fancy pen. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake." Last edited by Plan9; 07-13-2009 at 09:25 AM..