ASU2003

I seem to have the opposite problem from this thread:
http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/tilted-...dependent.html

Let's see, I have been on my own for the past 10 years since I moved out of my parents house. I went to college on the other side of the country where I knew nobody in a 1,000 mile (maybe 1,500) radius. I also don't like it when people are depending on me. It puts pressure on me to come through. And besides at work and talking to the neighbors a little, I hardly talk to anyone. During this weekend, I will be watching TV, using the computer, kayaking in the middle of nowhere, mountain biking, setting up some things in my house, and sleeping.

I'm not a big fan of other people doing stuff for me if I can do it myself. And I tend not to trust people all that much. Then again, my life isn't all that exciting, and I like being in control of me and getting away from it all sometimes.

So, what's the right level of dependency? Or are there a few things I can do to test out to see if I can become a little more dependent?

Bear Cub

Three words: hospice sugar momma.

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Jozrael

I don't think you're looking to be more dependent.

I think you're just looking for a bit more social interaction.

Jetée

Couldn't have put it more precisely (or at all near as concisely [I know the grammar there is iffy, but i wanted it to follow form ]).


I also try to avoid garnering too much association with friends and family because then it will require a certain level of commitment that I don't find myself happily conforming to; I can handle my fair share of responsibility, but I have no jurisdiction over expectations of others in regards to the relationship.

Talk, share insights, suggest an activity, to start. Oh, for example, last weekend, I probably had the same itinerary you have for this one, (save replacing the outdoor ventures with practicing piano and hitting the courts with a racket in hand) but come tonight, I randomly decided to trek on up to Delaware in order to experience the automobile show. Whilst there, I might seek out some friends in order to enjoy the sights and/or familiarize myself.
If they're busy, I'll manage. Maybe I'll spark up an intriguing conversation with a floor model, or another wayward enthusiast, who knows? What's important is that I'm not actively isolating myself, but opening opportunities.

Sort your conventions and break through some. Trying to develop a depenendency on others doesn't seem to be right for anyone, save for those on a professional or business team. Connecting and sharing with familiars though, helps us seek newer and perhaps better avenues to increase our livelihoods, and in turn, our overall satisfication with life. It is usually our motivation to change that helps us branch out and get in touch with someone who can be identified as our ideal counterpart, and in some cases, the envisioned self.

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As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world (that is the myth of the Atomic Age) as in being able to remake ourselves.

—Mohandas K. Gandhi

The Magic

You sound like you have a pretty similar personality to my own. I'm still in college, but I could really see myself becoming a hermit absorbed in my own life and things I want to do after I graduate. I'm social at social places and open up a lot in social situations, but if I'm in my apartment I become a hermit.

Some tips:
-Try to trust people more and realize that there is room for error in life.
-Admit to yourself that you likely *need* other people. It is healthy and normal: human beings are social creatures.
-Try to find people who share SOME of your interests. Hang out with these people and do things that you share interests in, but also do some give and take and try some things you normally wouldn't.

Just remember that you will have to sacrafice/give up some stuff you might value in your life right now (a mountain biking trip, for example) to forge relationships with others. Don't get upset over these things and try to remember that people are just as important as the other aspects of your life.

Cynthetiq

give yourself permission to be more dependent on others.

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curiousbear

I think you are fine! I also think in future when you EVENTUALLY enter a relationship you will appreciate everything your partner does for you. That is because you know what it takes to do them.

I was pretty much like you when it comes to dependence. But I have lot of fun with freinds and close family.

You dont have to depend anyone. What you will have to look forward is for inter-dependence. My understanding about you is that you will like it rather depending others

Lubeboy

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