Miss Mango

If a man works a full-time job to support his wife/SO and himself, no kids, and his wife does not work at all, hes within his rights to expect his home to be clean and a hot meal being prepared when he gets home.

^ Whats your opinion of this statement?

Mine: I dont think he is asking too much. How dirty can a place be from only two people and you can throw a bunch of meat and veggies in a crockpot and have a hot meal without even tending a stove?

Ustwo

I'd also expect her to hit the gym daily.

If you are going to be a trophy look like one.

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RetroGunslinger

I can't see any reason to debate such a statement. Unless the wife is invalid, it seems only natural that she should give something back to the man who is supporting their lifestyle. Of course, I'm sure someone will see something wrong with it, but I can't see anything... of course, I'm also barely awake at 1:24 AM, so... I suppose we'll see where this leads.

EDIT: grammatical error.

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Ustwo

I can see you are new to TFP.......

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RetroGunslinger

Well, it does say so right under my avatar.

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Punk.of.Ages

Perfectly reasonable statement and it would work the same the other way around.

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Xerxys

I wonder...............

I'm just an old fashioned dude, I'd hate to be the TROPHY!!! But hey, the statement is valid, it's the physical things in life that make the emotional feelings valid, I guess!!

ratbastid

Yeah. I'm comfortable with that provided it's not gendered. I have a problem with it if it's expected because it's a woman's role.

Well, actually... now that I type that... I see there's more to it than that.

If they both agree on that being "a woman's role"--if being a woman in that way is fulfilling and is a self-expression for her, then god bless. But if he expects it because of how he was raised or what he believes and she doesn't, then there will be problems. I wouldn't say it's "wrong" exactly, but differing beliefs and expectations in this matter have killed or wounded many many many relationships. I speak from personal experience from the early years of my marriage.

paddyjoe

some things should really just go without saying......

levite

Yeah, I kinda follow ratbastid on this. If it's not a woman thing, I'm OK with it. I would say that any marriage or couple situation where one party works full-time and supports both partners, and the other party does not work, it's not unreasonable to suggest that it would be fair for the party who is not working to shoulder the majority of the upkeep of the house and the preparation of dinners during the week. I would also expect that this not be rigidly enforced by either party, but maintained with fairness and flexibility.

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Jinn

Marriage is a mutually beneficial arrangement. If one person is contributing and the other is not, there is a problem. So yes, if one partner is working and the other is not, I would expect the non-working partner to contribute. The 'contribution' doesn't have to be housework, but it should be commensurate with the working partner's contribution.

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Kuzuan

It would depend on what "does not work at all" really means.

If that implies that she has no paid job but still does volunteer work or has some kind of hobby or something then I can understand if she's busy.

If the above statement means that she only sits on my neck and does only things that entertain her then yes, I would expect her to do her part somehow... (while I search for a divorce if possible).

dd3953

I agree with all of the above. Some things should go without being said. But at the same time, I'd hope she's not just doing housework. That would get boring. "Hi, honey, how was your day?" "Oh, I mopped, made dinner, blah blah blah." Volunteering, getting a hobby, having friends. All of that would help with the over-the-dinner-she-made-conversation. But, yeah, I'd expect both people to doing something to add to the other's quality of life.

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filtherton

I think he's within his rights to lay out an arrangement with his wife where she cleans, he provides. Agreements between consenting adults and all that...

That being said, it sounds kind of gross to me- the relationship, not the expectation, but that's just me.

TotalMILF

What the hell else would you do all day if you didn't have kids to occupy your time? If someone is supporting you then it's definitely reasonable to ask for something like that in return.

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girldetective

I dont think it would be asking too much to expect a clean home and hot meals. After all, it only takes a minute to dial take-out and theres sure to be household help available.

Just joking. I actually do know a few women who live their lives this way, and they each have children who they have a nanny for. Ive always kinda dis-admired these women because of these choices. Its not that they arent good people, just that I have different values than they do I guess.

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little_tippler

I don't know. I think I'd rather try and be a slob and get away with it first...heh

Now seriously, it seems fair that both are contributing in the house. Though sometimes it's not easy to keep to "the rules". I mean, tell me, when you're at work, is every day as productive as the next? Are you always doing what you're supposed to do?

What if the girl hates housework? And she has no-one over her shoulder telling her to get on with it (this in comparison to a job where you work for someone else)? What would you do if you, the guy, came home, and she was still in her pajamas and had decided to do nothing for the day? Hmmm?

I agree that flexibility would be important here. Life is not black and white...

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We are ever unapparent. What we are
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Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
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mixedmedia

I was a woman in the reverse of this situation for years and he never did shit around the house and it made me very resentful. So, no, I don't think it's too much to ask.

But, of course, there are all kinds of extenuating circumstances that could be having an effect on the dynamics of this relationship as it pertains to what his wife does or does not do.

For instance, in my marriage, there was depression involved.

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Tully Mars

I had the exact situation with reverse gender roles. I often worked more then one job and would come home to find my daughter asking what are you cooking for dinner? If she had eaten empty cans of soups or microwaved junk food wrapper would be everywhere.

To this day my ex' cooking skills begin and end with a can opener.

She never cooked, but there was a time she did most of the cleaning, laundry etc... Suddenly after about 10 yrs. of marriage she just stop doing almost anything. I came home one day and realized she'd been in bed for nearly two days. I asked her if she was sick. "No, I just really tried." Turns out she was "tried" for 15 years. I found out later she'd found out her father had cancer and it triggered some PPDS and massive depression. He'd been EXTREMELY abusive to her when she was very young. I never met the man, she never spoke about him and regardless of my request, attempts, (finally) demands she wouldn't seek any help. I didn't even hear about the abuse from her, her aunt told me. I kept thinking if I just do this she'll be happy and we can go back to the way it was the first 10 years or so. One day I realized it didn't matter what I did. She wasn't interested in helping herself and my doing everything was doing more harm to her (and myself) then good.

So no I don't think it's unreasonable, regardless of genders. But there maybe issues involve that go beyond simply one spouse not wanting to do the house work and cooking.

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william

It wouldn't seem too much to ask. To take it from one extreem, I'll go to the other. I got married; joined the military. Things were fine until I was sent into a combat zone. Even w/a support group, my wife could not handle life on her own.
Age is a number; maturity comes with time.

Willravel

I wouldn't be married to or living with someone who didn't contribute just as much as I do towards the good of the family/household.

I wouldn't need to ask. I'd kick her out.

william

I'll be the pot calling the kettle black - you should know what you're getting into.

ryfo

This is exactly my situation. My wife cant work cos of health reasons, we have no getkids and I work full time. I work and do the garden she does everything else and goes to gym!!! She is not a trophy wife, she used to work until kidney/blood pressure/stroke stopped her. BTW she had two strokes they havent affected her much at all as she goes to the gym 5 times a week to stay as healthy as possible. Iworks for us, she even puts the heater on in the morning makes my lunch and brekkie and dinner for me. I do tend to work overtime but the time we have together is usually restful and fun

snowy

In my relationship, we pick up each other's slack. If he's busy, and I'm not as busy, I clean more. If he's not as busy, and I'm busy, he cleans more. We trade off on cooking, though if I'm busy in the evening (and doing what I do, I often am) he has no problem cooking an extra night. If he were working full-time and I were not, I would fully expect to be largely responsible for the care of the household; that's just how the division of work comes out to being fair in my eyes. Similarly, if the reverse were true, I would expect him (and I suspect he would agree to do so) to step up and do the housework.

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Willravel

Snowy's got the right idea. Two responsible and mature adults in a relationship where it's simply understood that when work needs to be done, it gets done by whomever can do it. No nagging. No laziness.