RangerJoe

So, I realize that this really should go in a blog. The thing is, no one would really read it anyways and I feel like it's
something that SHOULD be read and SHOULD be discussed. Keep in mind, I'm in no way searching for pity. I don't really want
your sympathy, and I could probably do without your advice towards me in general. This is meant as a general discussion and
I'd really like to keep it that way.

So, this past week I've been through something rough. My friends are concerned that I have an eating disorder. I realize that I
probably do. I don't eat, and when I do, it's very little and only enough to keep myself from passing out. My problem with THEIR concern
is that they seem to think that in order to cure this, I just have to eat. That is literally what they tell me, "Eat or die."

You know what? I wish it was that fucking simple, but it's not. I've TRIED to eat. Numerous times. I just CAN'T. I can't take a bite of
something without feeling like I'm going to throw up. I REALIZE that it's all in my head, but that helps me none. Yes, I can feel hunger. I know that
I'm famished, but I just can't bring myself to eat.

So, I went to the doctor's office yesterday. I had a panic attack at work on Wed. night and I had no medicine to suppress it, even though it's happened
before. When I went, I mentioned to the nurse practitioner that my friends felt that I had an eating disorder. She told me that though they
could prescribe me some medicine to help with the anxiety and depression I'm feeling, I really should make an appointment with a primary doctor to
help me long term.

Okay. Big sigh of relief. I've mentioned that I might have a problem to someone with some kind of medical expertise. That's a step forward, right?

In walks the doctor and he's immediately an ass. The nurse was so nice and this guy is a total douche. I'm taken aback. Now, I don't want to tell him my
problems and I feel like a complete idiot for even thinking that I could get help. So, I stammer through an explanation that I had a panic attack and
left it at that. He prescribes me some medicine and sends me on my way. You know what irked me the most? EVERYTHING I told the nurse, she wrote down
on my chart. The doctor didn't even look. I tried crying out for help, and I got nothing.

I ended up making an appointment with one of the primary doctors for Monday, but right now I'm not sure I'm even going to go. Even though he is a doctor,
I really don't feel like there was that big of a concern, so why should I be?

So, let's give this baby a topic. I feel like the reason why there's not that big of a concern with me trying to get help is the fact that
I don't LOOK like a person with an eating disorder. I look healthy. What do you think? Do you feel like a person has to be skin and bones
to be considered anorexic, bulimic, or otherwise just have an eating disorder? Or, do you think it's possible for a person of a healthy weight
to all of a sudden get this distorted self image in their head and become a person with an eating disorder?

PS I didn't know if I should post this here or in general. If it's wrong, blame Shauk.

Shauk

Soooo, I got a few questions. I'm not gonna jump to the whole 'omg eat or die, its bad for you to starve" cuz I'm not the kind of person to state the obvious stuff i learned in health class, I think we're all at least high school educated here. (ph33r my purposeful slaughter of grammar)

Questions are: Are you stressed or have you been emotionally hurt in some way in the last month or 2?

Is this only something recent?

i ask because (whooo personal anecdote time) I had an episode like this that lasted for about 3 months. I got dumped, I felt flawed, I attacked my easy and obvious personal insecurity in that I felt fat (I am, theres no reason to pretend I'm not) So I went 2 1/2 weeks without eating anything. I had the kind of decomposing dying breath that brushing your teeth could not rid you of, I was weak and dizzy yet I was still working in a 100 degree pizzeria chugging nothing but water.

Eventually i cracked, I knew I couldn't just NOT EAT.

I just confronted the issues on why I was feeling the way i did about eating, realized I just needed to feel responsible and purposeful in the way I ate, and turned it in to a short term obsession.

I lost a lot of weight so I mean, some good did come out of it, I don't particularly like raisins, but you should go grab a bag of them and just make yourself eat them for a while whenever you feel like you should eat but just can't do the whole "meal" thing.

It's something at least. Raisins did me some good

ok, now for TFP to offer their more serious wisdom, i'll be over here cam-whoring, kthx

RangerJoe

I really did mean this. But, I guess I'll be nice and answer your question anyways.

Life in general is stressful. I admit that I suffer from depression and, like I said, a panic disorder. I really don't do the whole boyfriend thing, and for now I don't plan to until I fix me, so no horrible breakups or otherwise have really caused this.

girldetective

>>Do you feel like a person has to be skin and bones to be considered anorexic, bulimic, or otherwise just have an eating disorder?<<

No. An eating disorder can manifest in all sorts of ways, including the morbidly obese. So skin and bones is not a prerequisite.

>>Or, do you think it's possible for a person of a healthy weight to all of a sudden get this distorted self image in their head and become a person with an eating disorder?<<

Yes, without a doubt.

__________________
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons...be cheerful; strive for happiness - Desiderata

RangerJoe

Due to my medicine, I'm a bit innnnnnnnncoherant at the second but I have stuff to reply with.

I shall do it tomorrow before I take my meds again.

The_Jazz

Perhaps this would have been better as a PM, but since this is designed as a general discussion thread, I am going to post it.

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/journal...wjournal&j=668

This is the link to La Petite Moi's journal. She's been a member for a little longer than I have and has struggled with her eating disorder for a long time. If you can get through all of it without it breaking your heart, you're made of stronger stuff than I am.

This is serious stuff. Eating disorders take many, many forms. If you think you have one, you need more help than we're capable of giving you. Obviously the first doctor didn't pay attention. Find one who will. Please.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

genuinegirly

Of course you don't look like a person with an eating disorder. Who looks like they have an eating disorder? Most doctors don't catch it until the poor person experiences kidney failure, heart failure, or seizures.

Now really, the fact that you were willing to confide in someone is great, and it should have sent up some high-flying red flags. Perhaps the notes on your chart were not bold enough or well-worded? Or maybe the doctor really is THAT BAD.

Yes. It seems like the only way it could happen. From what I've seen, and I'm no expert by any means, you're not born with an eating disorder. It's something that develops due to imposed expectations (real, imagined, or inferred). It's also a side effect of some medications to have loss of appetite. If you're regularly taking some medication, you may want to check clinical studies for this side effect.

Here's a personal funny about anerexia. I share it because I feel like the tone of this thread is pretty depressing and I'd like to liven it up.

Genetically, I have exceptionally low cholesterol. My father and brother have the same condition. In high school, I had some random health concerns and they decided to do a whole array of tests. These tests told two concerned nurses and a female doctor that my cholesterol was so low I should be dead. They decided that I had to be anerexic. Now, I am a small-boned petite woman, and always have been. But, you see, I like to eat. I have no problems eating 15 pieces of pizza for dinner, or whatever obscene amount of food that someone wants to put in front of me. So when this group of nurses started speaking all hush-hush to my mother, I was a little concerned. When my mom came to me, all serious, and said they think I have an eating disorder, and that they might have to take drastic measures to get my cholesterol levels up, I couldn't help bursting out laughing. "What, do I eat too much?" My mother eventually convinced these nurses/doctor that eating was not a problem for me, that there are others in our family with similarly low numbers. I ended up having something completely unrelated to cholesterol issues: bronchitis.


Now, back to somewhere near the topic:
Finding a physician that you can relate to is very important. Is there any way with your health coverage plan to choose a new doctor that you like, or to try a different doctor each month until you find someone who you feel ok talking to?

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

Strange Famous

Not really related at all: but Jack the Ripper identified and named Anorexia Nervosa for the firsy time...

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas