So, I realize that this really should go in a blog. The thing is, no one would really read it anyways and I feel like it's
something that SHOULD be read and SHOULD be discussed. Keep in mind, I'm in no way searching for pity. I don't really want
your sympathy, and I could probably do without your advice towards me in general. This is meant as a general discussion and
I'd really like to keep it that way.
So, this past week I've been through something rough. My friends are concerned that I have an eating disorder. I realize that I
probably do. I don't eat, and when I do, it's very little and only enough to keep myself from passing out. My problem with THEIR concern
is that they seem to think that in order to cure this, I just have to eat. That is literally what they tell me, "Eat or die."
You know what? I wish it was that fucking simple, but it's not. I've TRIED to eat. Numerous times. I just CAN'T. I can't take a bite of
something without feeling like I'm going to throw up. I REALIZE that it's all in my head, but that helps me none. Yes, I can feel hunger. I know that
I'm famished, but I just can't bring myself to eat.
So, I went to the doctor's office yesterday. I had a panic attack at work on Wed. night and I had no medicine to suppress it, even though it's happened
before. When I went, I mentioned to the nurse practitioner that my friends felt that I had an eating disorder. She told me that though they
could prescribe me some medicine to help with the anxiety and depression I'm feeling, I really should make an appointment with a primary doctor to
help me long term.
Okay. Big sigh of relief. I've mentioned that I might have a problem to someone with some kind of medical expertise. That's a step forward, right?
In walks the doctor and he's immediately an ass. The nurse was so nice and this guy is a total douche. I'm taken aback. Now, I don't want to tell him my
problems and I feel like a complete idiot for even thinking that I could get help. So, I stammer through an explanation that I had a panic attack and
left it at that. He prescribes me some medicine and sends me on my way. You know what irked me the most? EVERYTHING I told the nurse, she wrote down
on my chart. The doctor didn't even look. I tried crying out for help, and I got nothing.
I ended up making an appointment with one of the primary doctors for Monday, but right now I'm not sure I'm even going to go. Even though he is a doctor,
I really don't feel like there was that big of a concern, so why should I be?
So, let's give this baby a topic. I feel like the reason why there's not that big of a concern with me trying to get help is the fact that
I don't LOOK like a person with an eating disorder. I look healthy. What do you think? Do you feel like a person has to be skin and bones
to be considered anorexic, bulimic, or otherwise just have an eating disorder? Or, do you think it's possible for a person of a healthy weight
to all of a sudden get this distorted self image in their head and become a person with an eating disorder?
PS I didn't know if I should post this here or in general. If it's wrong, blame Shauk.
