Flirting Skills

[soma]

I went on a date yesterday, and it went well. Sort of. We were clicking and everything was going great, but it still felt like we were only connecting on a friend level. And I definitely want to be more than a friend.

How can I be more flirty, and playful with her? Like with my ex, it was really easy to woo her because I could tease her and mess around with her so naturally. But with other girls, I can't seem to quite get into that mode.

What's an easy way to start playfully tease a girl. Like what specifically can I tease her about that's not overly offensive, but still enough to get her attention?

[Ustwo]

Make the move sooner.

Don't count on her to initiate it.

[Bear Cub]

Physical contact.

I don't mean run up and grab her crotch, (granted, that's something I'd probably do), but a hand on the neck/lower back, etc. Act like you've got more confidence than you do.

[soma]

yeah, I definitely know I have to make a move. Oi. I've been struggling with manning up more lately.

But I was thinking if I can get into flirty/teasing mode with her, confidence and touching comes a LOT easier. In my experience at least. I just can't seem to get the ball rolling. Trying to think of little things I can bring up to tease her about...

[Martian]

Chemistry: It's not just a class you failed junior year.

Sometimes things just don't click. If you don't have this problem with women in general, I wouldn't worry about things not working with one specific woman.

If, however, you do have this problem with women in general, then relax. It's been my observation that the problem that 95% of guys seem to have in this situation is that they get too tensed up and nervous. Don't be nervous. She can smell fear.

[Push-Pull]

Things like these.....

"How is my favorite redhead/blond/brunette today?"
"I can't believe that I'm the only guy talking to you right now."
"Wow! You make this place look really good."
"Your eyes. Do they go on forever, or is it just me?"

Tend to get positive reactions from the girls I flirt with, but then, they know I'm married and I'm not trying to get into their pants. YMMV.

[dirtyrascal7]

Yeah, I think Martian has a point... perhaps you're thinking about it too much and trying too hard?

For me, flirting is a state of mind rather than a conscious, scripted effort. Having the upper-hand in the relationship makes a huge difference... it is much easier to flirt with girls who are chasing you than to flirt with girls who you are chasing. It took me a long time to be able to have the discipline and confidence to hold back enough with girls I really liked... usually I would chase them and end up in the friend zone.

Basically, keep them at an arm's length, so to speak... be honest and open, but never fully explain yourself. Don't always be the one who makes contact or tries to make plans. And when you're together in person, don't feel like you have to be talking all the time... it actually shows a lot of confidence if you can just sit quietly and not feel awkward about it.

[ratbastid]

Look: "teasing flirty" is what adolescent boys do because they don't know how to relate to girls other than as "little sisters they want to bone". "Teasing flirty" is just this side of "douchebag". Don't be that guy.

Be flattering/suggestive flirty. Take the tack Push-Pull is describing.

[Plan9]

Originally Posted by Push-Pull

Tend to get positive reactions from the girls I flirt with, but then, they know I'm married and I'm not trying to get into their pants. YMMV.

Women have ringdar.

It's obvious you're married. They like flirting with married men because it's safe.

[dlish]

be yourself.. if you have a cool atitude without beng obnoxious about it it would go a long way...

be yourself and stop thinking about your plans.. things will flow from there. there more pressure u put ureself in the more your going to get nervous. once the nerves go.. you're your normal self.. so just go with the flow and be natural

[Mantus]

It’s about getting comfortable with your own feelings for women.

State your attraction for her early. Tell her what makes hot. How the curve of her lips makes her look very devilish and sexy or how her yes flash every time she looks up at you or just how hot her ass looks when she walks.

I think this relieves allot of pressure and puts you on a level playing field. She knows that you find her attractive and you know that she knows that you find her attractive. We can all relax now.

Touch. I never sit across the table from a girl. I love restaurants that have booths so we can both snuggle up on one side. Learn to leave your hand just a little longer or apply just a little more pressure then necessary. Get comfortable with the idea that you want this girl in your arms. You don’t want to let her go. You want to explore her body. The way you touch communicates this.

Embrace the fact that she wants to get laid. This makes it really for both of you. It’s not a game. She isn’t something you win. Her body isn’t something she gives to you as a reward for being a good boy. You both want the same thing – a great passionate relationship – and sex is just a little perk you are both interested in. Now you are both free to enjoy your date as you wish.

There is allot of talk about sex in my post. I am no trivializing all other aspect in a blooming relationship. It’s just that sex is the elephant in the room allot of people have trouble making peace with; which actually prevents them from having truly genuine interactions when we become relaxed about our lust for each other everything else becomes so easy. That tension of “does he/she like me”, “am I doing/saying the right thing” goes away. Hope this helps.

Cheers Soma

[tiger777]

neg her a little bit. In case you dont know what it is, make a negative comment, but in a playful, flirty manner. Basically kinda poke fun of her in a way but not like harmfully and if you do accidently say you were joking or follow it up with a compliment. Like for instance, if she is looking really nice you might say in a playful teasing voice, "geez someone is certainly seeking attention today." She might playfully hit you or something then just follow up by saying, "And I must admit,(give a little pause as you're looking at her) mission accomplished."

[ubertuber]

I don't think I'd appreciate it if the girl I was dating took care to couch her compliments inside of cryptic insults.

[ratbastid]

Originally Posted by ubertuber

I don't think I'd appreciate it if the girl I was dating took care to couch her compliments inside of cryptic insults.

VERY MUCH agreed. This is junior-high stuff, at best. My advice is to grow up and tell her what's really going on with you.

[Martian]

ratbastid is good at this stuff. Seriously. He has two totally hot women living in his house with him; if that's not proof that his methods work, I don't know what is.

I don't know about Push-Pull's lines though. I don't think I could say any of those to a girl with a straight face, and laughing while you say it would probably ruin the effect.

[Plan9]

I concur, Martian.

"Lines" are above and beyond my simple intellect. I'm not clever at all... suave like razor wire. I like to think that doing stimulating activities together (bowling, boardgames, MST3King some movies) and talking about whatever comes up is a good way to get to know a woman without first having to undo her belt (or your own).

[cheetahtank2]

Originally Posted by Ustwo

Make the move sooner.

Don't count on her to initiate it.

You avoided the question he wants to know what sort of moves he should be doing and how to transition into them.

[cheetahtank2]

Anyway its all about chemistry. If she is really someone you get along well with you should have no problem feeling comfortable and at ease. Also you knew your ex well im assuming, that plays a huge role the more you're around someone the more comfortable you'll be around them, for me anyway. Lastly try to think back when you first met your ex did you really feel that comfortable?

[Willravel]

I usually take off my shirt when I want to make sure the signal is clear. If things work out, the pants follow.

[Plan9]

Subtle. I approve.

...

I like to postpone the first kiss as much as possible... so when it comes its like the music swells along with the thing in my pants.

[cheetahtank2]

Originally Posted by willravel

I usually take off my shirt when I want to make sure the signal is clear. If things work out, the pants follow.

Thats Awesome an instant classic

[Push-Pull]

Originally Posted by Martian

I don't know about Push-Pull's lines though. I don't think I could say any of those to a girl with a straight face, and laughing while you say it would probably ruin the effect.

Heh. I've smiled and laughed and it still works well enough that a couple have essentially said "Well, if you weren't married...."

But then, not having anything to lose in the deal is pretty freeing in itself. Hmmm, I wonder if that is perhaps part of "the 'tude", that not having anything to lose thing.

[soma]

Ok, Thanks for the posts. Here is an update.

so we went out last saturday, and it went pretty well, if we were just friends. I was overly accommodating, and nice to her and all we did was have a great conversation. the conversation was great, but that was about it.

But I thought to myself, "yeah, I'm winning her over with my conversation and such. she's totally into me". the date ended, she said she had a good time and would call me when she's free. I thought i was pretty golden.

the girl I dated - GIRL A
her best friend - GIRL B
GIRL B's boyfriend - BOY

Ok, so girl A, girl B, and boy all hang out with each other a lot. boy is upset by that because he wants more alone time with girl B, so he has secretly been helping me try to hook up with girl A.

boy gave me a call last tuesday and filled me in on the situation. he basically told me I was drifting into the friend zone, but wasn't completely there yet, so I had to make a move. So my suspicions were correct (read the OP). he then basically told me that I needed to flirt more, which is also something I also suspected (read the OP).

Still not sure how to go about doing that though. Although, because she considers me as a friend now, it sort of like, I have nothing to lose, which can make things a lot easier for me. Don't know where things are going, but I'm hoping for the best. will keep you all updated

[Tophat665]

Give up. It's your best chance. If you lay aside any hope that things will develop along the lines that you would want them to, and simply do what comes naturally, you paradoxically increase your chances of doing the right thing.

[n0nsensical]

Well I take an alternate point of view. I just don't waste time on bullshit like that. Either it works, we're mutually attracted from the start and it's obvious, like with your ex, or it doesn't, and move on. if it's one of those things, 'she might be attracted if you were more aggressive' I don't play that game. I'm me. Most girls aren't attracted to that, and I'm not interested in girls who need games played anyway. That's fine with me. The sooner I get rid of them the sooner I can find the other few.
It's not for everyone. You don't get laid for a long time in between and relationships with the winners are serious. You have to give up the alternative, frivolous sex, which is the whole point to a lot of people. It just depends what you want.

[jewels]

Originally Posted by soma

I'm hoping for the best.

Relationships can begin and change in the most amazing ways. Up until three years ago, I would have thought the the "friendship zone" meant no chance of romance, since often the parties won't "ruin" the friendship by changing the dynamics.

The best relationship I've had in my life began as a mutual respect in the workplace. He'd come by my office, passing through, every day. He taught me things, I taught him things; we'd exchanged ideas and although we may have flirted, I'd never thought of him romantically. Occasionally, he'd bring me candy or lunch, but I thought of it as flirty friendliness, and he later confessed that he wasn't interested in a romantic relationship with me at that time. He asked me to a movie, strictly platonic, and two or three movies and dinner later, we were unable to keep our hands off each other -- it took some time away from the workplace to see and show our other sides, and then the sparks flew!

So you're not delusional. You never know what might or might not happen.