soma

Shit. Ok, so this girl I'm dating. It's going aright, but every time i call her to just talk, I bomb. I know if I can't even hold a conversation with a girl over the phone, that's a huge deal breaker. Crap!

How do you guys get over your nerves when talking to a girl over the phone. Any tips or anything? I have like 0 game.

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IdolGirl

How long have you known her?

skada

I think talking on phone is far more better than say one to one. You can think over it first, while talking you can breathe normally, you can switch to mute and yell "Hurrayy !!".
what exactly is the problem ? you don't find things to talk about or can't flirt properly ?

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Plan9

Have her talk about herself. Ask questions about her. Women like that and it'll help you learn a lot.

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IdolGirl

that's why I was wondering how long he's known her. If it hasn't been long, he can ask all the good stuff, about everything from where she's from, her favorite foods, music, etc, career aspirations, places she'd like to visit, that kind of stuff.

but if they already know that kind of stuff...that's when it gets a bit harder. When you know the basics, and have to make conversation outside of 'what did you do today, how was work', etc..

skada

And here you require skills on how to make interesting discussion on most boring topic on earth

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Bossnass

Eat an apple while on the phone to make you sound casual. It apparently covers nervousness.

jewels

Keep the conversation short and sweet.

"Come on over. I'll cook you dinner."

"Would you like to go [insert destination]?"

No problem.

I'm good at phone, but I hate it. Talking in person's a whole lot better.

Charlatan

The art of conversation is to get people to talk about themselves. People like to talk about themselves.

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Unicase

Shouldn't we generalize that to most people like to talk about themselves?

Oh by the way. Try to find out her interests and see whether you are also interested in that too. It'll help the conversation flow more easier. Well that what I did when I ran out of things to talk about. If you need to ask questions to buy yourself more time, and I mean more. (Not advisable). Use the keyword of her last thing you were talking with here and change it into another question. Hope that even help (use only in desperate measures, if unskilled).

pig

Bingo! Exactamundo. Trust this man.

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analog

I think using the word "people", by itself, should always mean "in general", or "generally speaking" unless it's literally said that it's meant to represent all people, everywhere, without exception.

That being said, practically everyone likes to talk about themselves- and it's not a negative, ego-driven thing. It's our comfort zone, it's what we know.

Anyhow, ask questions. Get to know her better. Unless you're old pals from back when dirt was invented, you've got several lines of questioning open for you. Just take steady breaths (and not into the phone, or she'll think you're a pervert) and calm yourself. Maybe masturbate before calling her up, get some of that extra testosterone out of your system. And no, I'm not kidding.

Push-Pull

Just don't do it before going on a date with her!

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soma

Ok, first off, thanks for all of the replies
I think the main issue is more of me being nervous around her than being a bad conversationalist. Usually having conversations with other people aren't too terribly difficult, but ... oi. I can really crash and burn when talking to her.

How can I get over my nerves, and just relax?

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ratbastid

Tell her about how nervous you get around her. Trust me, she'll be flattered. And it'll take all the tension out immediately.

Things ONLY EVER have control over us when we're trying to overcome them or pretend they don't exist. When you acknowledge it, it eases up.

Ustwo

Assume shes nervous talking to you.

My now wife confessed she was shaking the first time I called her.

Also don't try to impress her with your witty banter on the phone, keep it functional unless she starts to wax poetic.

And above all remember the be a bit aloof aspect. If you seem needy you already blew it.

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ratbastid

I agree all except the last line. Don't "be" anything except yourself.

We've already seen that what this girl (possibly all girls, but...) responds to is honesty. Be honest how nervous you are talking to her. She'll think it's cute, and she'll be flattered and you're good to go. That's really different from seeming needy.

Plan9

Aloof works. Some suggest those who experience otherwise aren't shopping in the right "league." I've experienced that I'd rather maintain a Chia pet than be around women for long periods of time, but the aloof thing has proven useful for me in keeping women interested while not having to do a lot of work or coming off as the next Buffalo Bill.

...PUTS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN!

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

soma

I'm going to try this aloof thing. But not sooo much, you know

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Having Girl Problems?

Jinn

No. Everyone from the pauper to the priest wants nothing more than to be important, and talk about themselves. It's the only "fact" that I know to hold true for every person I've ever met. Anyone who thinks they're somehow 'altruistic' and don't want to talk about themselves either (a) doesn't have anything interesting about themselves to talk about or (b) are in denial, and haven't actually heard one of their conversations recorded.

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Plan9

Bomb-diggity. We are the only person that we know best and we like to talk about ourselves. Me, me, me.

Not wrong. Such is the human experience to have but one life and one brain.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."