Prince

Well I started college this fall and so far it's going decently, I took on more courses than I should have, but it's a lesson learned.

I am a bit concerned though about the fact that I have been in the States for four and a half years and have made zero friends. In the back of my mind I assumed that once I started my college studies I'd be more exposed to my kind of individuals, but that hasn't happened. All I see around me are 18-year-old kids who are addicted to their cell phones and walking around with as little on as they can get away with.

I mean I love the cleavage, but am admittedly feeling a bit lonely. I find it hard to strike up conversations with people, and I'm not sure why but people don't approach me. Maybe I give off an aura of "don't talk to me", unintentionally or something. I don't really know what to talk about. I am lousy conversation when it comes to sports because I don't understand anything about American sports nor do I find them at all interesting. And I can't talk about politics since I am from a country which has a socialist-democratic political system, which people here seem to think is the same as communism, and they hate it. So I kinda keep to myself as far as all that goes.

And I'm not very talkative in class, I guess. The culture I am from is more subdued, I guess. Let's say for example that you're back in my home country and you're at someone's house, there's a bunch of people there drinking coffee and having conversation, right? Well typically one person speaks at a time and everyone else listens. To speak while someone else is speaking would be rude and disrespectful. Not so here... Everyone talks loudly at the same time, and I just can't bring myself to speak up unless there's a moment when no one is talking. And that doesn't happen a lot in this country. It doesn't really help that where I am from, people don't approach strangers. They will stand at a bus stop next to one another quietly. If you start a conversation with someone who you don't know, they look at you like "do I know you? why are you talking to me?". People need to be introduced to one another first.

So I don't know how to talk to people I don't know here. I don't know why it is so complicated. It really shouldn't be.

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Who is John Galt?

telekinetic

Are you from somewhere with a cool accent? If yes, abuse this at all times. Make it 'worse' if possible (vaguely australian is best), and then go up to girls asking them if you can use their 'telly' to phone your chaps back at the loft.

If done right, you should be able to commence sexing within 12 hours.

Prince

I like this idea.

My wife doesn't, however.

__________________
Who is John Galt?

telekinetic

If you're trying to make guy friends, go watch football (either kind) at a pub and have strong opinions. Befriend those wearing similar team garb to yours.

surferlove007

Where are you from if I may ask?

soma

damn. So I spent like a half hour writing a post and when I go to preview it I find out I got auto logged out. Expect a post tomorrow that hopefully is helpful.

Zzzzzzzz.....

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Having Girl Problems?

snowy

Don't expect to make many friends in classes. Making friends in college is really about the extracurriculars. Join some clubs. Personally, I'm involved (on different levels) with the Planned Parenthood organization in my community, the College Democrats, and plan on joining the Unitarian Universalist fellowship group next week for their game night. In the past, I've been involved with residential life groups, the Campus Crusade for Christ, English Students Association, and Alpha Phi Omega (a community service fraternity).

Interested in community service? Find out if there is an APO chapter on your campus, or look up Circle K International (the college branch of Kiwanis). Looking for something more in your field? There are probably extracurricular groups related to your profession--and these can range from casual student groups to pre-professional fraternities and sororities. Religious? Seek out a group related to your spirituality. Interested in social activism? Almost every political party in the United States has some kind of college-age organization. Find out what the ones on your campus are.

Here at Oregon State University we have a great resource on campus in the way of our Office of Student Involvement. Find out if your university has a similar office. This office will be able to answer your questions about student involvement and direct you to meetings, people to talk to, etc.

It's so easy to take that step of attending an extra meeting a week or so, depending on how often a group meets. I've made a lot of lasting and enduring friendships through my campus involvement.

A resource we have at my college that you might or might not have at yours is the Non-Traditional Student Affairs Taskforce, part of our student government that addresses issues concerning older students. The NTSAT on our campus has its own lounge, just for students over 25. It's really a rather nice room in our student union, so it's kind of a nice perk for having stayed around this long.

Furthermore, when you can, attend lectures and programs on campus. Who knows? Someone might recognize you from a class, or a meeting, and strike up a conversation, or vice versa.

Good luck.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

LazyBoy

I feel like a hypocrit posting this, because I deleted mine awhile back....But have you thought about creating a myspace and/or facebook account? They actually serve as a pretty good medium for meeting people in your area, and with similar interests.

Are you a member of any organizations at school? Great place to meet new people.

What kinda past times do you enjoy, or hobbies do you have? Is there a sport you like, do you like computers, do you enjoy video game? All of these have their own lil sub-cultures in America, as well as about a million other things lol...

Where do you attend school?

-Will

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Life is nothing, everything.....and something in between...

Hyacinthe

Does this mean being Aussie myself if I go to the states I can use my accent as a guy magnet - ooo the possibilities :P

The extracurriculars sound like a good way to go to me, volunteering or community work especially since people there are always very friendly and likely to walk up and introduce themselves to you

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"I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken... and the one that could brighten up your day even if she couldnt brighten her own"

"Her emotions were clear waters. You could see the scarring and pockmarks at the bottom of the pool, but it was just a part of her landscape – the consequences of others’ actions in which she claimed no part."

KellyC

For me...yes. That blond girl with the (I assume) Australian accent in Transformer is much more attractive than what's her name brunette. I feel like pouncing on her every time she opens her mouth. And if I ever bump into on in real life...$$$$

Sorry. Carry on.

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Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.

bermuDa

onesnowyowl's advice is pretty solid. Friendship is more likely to blossom from shared interests than random conversation, and the best place to find people with mutual interests is if you seek them out. Some of the best friends I've made at college were in the language department. We started out in the same classes, then started hanging out in the tutoring room and culture clubs, then just became friends. If I can do it, anyone can!

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I am the very model of a moderator gentleman.

Hyacinthe

mental note - must travel to the USA and get the sexorz!

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"I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken... and the one that could brighten up your day even if she couldnt brighten her own"

"Her emotions were clear waters. You could see the scarring and pockmarks at the bottom of the pool, but it was just a part of her landscape – the consequences of others’ actions in which she claimed no part."

Prince

Finland.

__________________
Who is John Galt?

Redlemon

To further emphasize what onesnowyowl said... I'm about 15 years out of college. I have had zero contact with my college classmates... but I'm very close friends with many of the people with whom I shared extracurricular activities.

You have to join some groups. For me, it was singing and marching band.

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I can't read your signature. Sorry.

abaya

Having done the opposite move, from the US to Scandinavia, I'm finding myself in the exact situation as you. I find that I can almost never make friends with "the natives," and only with other foreigners. I think American and Scandinavian culture (especially male social culture) are QUITE different, which makes it difficult for people to bridge those gaps without a LOT of effort. Seems damn near impossible to me.

I guess this isn't very helpful. Let me think about it a little more and get back to you. Do try speaking up more in class, if for nothing other than to build your confidence at making your voice heard. You've nailed that one on the head about Americans... many of us don't stop to listen to anyone, unless they assert themselves first. It's an unfortunate characteristic, and one I've come to despise since assimilating more to Scandinavian culture.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Bill O'Rights

Yes.

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"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

xxxafterglow

Oh that quality of being reserved is so Finnish! I love Finns.

I found study groups useful for making friends in college (or all-nighters in the studio/lab) because you are working towards a common goal.

But you can also try your school's international organizations. Finland's socio-political system is EXCELLENT (high taxes but free schooling and living support while you're in school!?) and intelligent people will know that.

Or just join any organization that you are interested in.

It's a very American thing to ask things like... what's your major? what do you think of Bush? what kind of music do you listen to? where have you traveled? ... so you can always lead off with those questions to get a conversation going.

Finns are great. I love Finns.

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Uh huh her.

soma

Hey,

This post is a bit overdue.

Ok, so you can't talk about politics or sports or other american type stuff. I can relate. I definitely don't know a whole lot about that stuff either.

But recently, I discovered a little trick to have conversations with people quite easily. The way to do this is to talk about people. To gossip. But not in a bad way. Ask about family members, room mates, co-workers, professors, all that sort of thing and get them talking. Again, the idea is not to gossip in a bad way, just to talk about other people and to learn about the people in their life.

My other tip is to not expect people to just come up to you and want to be your friend. This just doesn't happen very often. And it's not because there is anything wrong with you, it's just that people don't like being rejected.

hope that helps...

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Having Girl Problems?

abaya

Shhh, you're revealing the conversational secrets of women everywhere!!!

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Ustwo

America is a land of colorful people and customs. These customs, while very interesting, will undoubtedly confuse a civilized man due to their backward, often primitive seeming nature.

It is understandable if you find yourself in America for a long period of time, you may wish to fit in with the natives in order to pass the time and learn about this primitive culture. Why you are exiled here does not really matter. Perhaps due to fleeing a monarch whos daughter you made yourself acquainted with, or perhaps you are an advanced anthropology student doing research, you CAN fit in, if you follow a few simple rules.

First I will assume you are male, this I think is a fair guess as no good father would allow their daughters to mingle with the natives.

Now the first rule to follow is dress.

Americans are very basic in dress, their are a few standard uniforms which are acceptable.

Footware: Americans, as a rule, tend to wear very loose fitting, mass produced footware that is hydrocarbon based. They are quite ungainly and repugnant by your standards and mine, but you will not suffer any ill affects from them.



Pants: Americans rarely wear pants. Normally they wear loose fitting half pants, known as shorts (see above) or a laborers type of clothing known as 'jeans'. Either type of garment is suitable for all occasions, and can be seen at graduations, marriages, and funerals.

Shirts: There are only two types of 'acceptable' shirts to an American male. One is known as the T-Shirt. This shirt is a cheaply made cotton garment, that MUST be used as advertisement space for a product, band, or sports team. Allow me to demonstrate..

This is acceptable:


This one is not acceptable and will instantly make you an outcast.


Also acceptable are shirts they call "polo" shirts, which is quite amusing as none of them play polo.

Now that you look like an American you can start to learn how to speak like one.

Their odd sports such as 'football' where they rarely use their foot, and 'baseball' which is a poor imitation of cricket, will make up at least 75% of the average males conversation. It will take you some time, perhaps years, to learn to really understand these games and frankly no man would want to. As such you can easily fit into any sports conversations by just using a few simple phrases.

1. The Yankees suck!
2. As soon as the Cubs win the world series.
3. Wait till next year.
4. I hate that overpaid asshole.
5. I bet he is on steroids.

These are often repeated and can fit almost any sports conversation.


The next 20% of all conversations will revolve around women. Now since having relations with an American woman is just out of the question, you can save yourself the possibility of intercourse with one of these shaven beasts by using the following statements. (Note only use these if directly approached by said females, if you are speaking to a male about women, just say 'Oh I'd like to bang her' and you will fit right in.)

1. At home you would be the largest woman in my village. Do all you American women eat so well?

If that does not thwart her advance then use the advanced mode.

2. I'm gay.

Finally the last 5% of American conversation is around politics. While in most nations, its best to leave politics to the natives, lest you offend the ruling party, but in America you have nothing to fear. Americans don't understand their own politics so odds are no matter what you say, they won't understand that either and half with agree with you out of hand, which will cause the other half to disagree. While such behavior will at first seem amusing, you will soon grow tired of it. If this does happen, just say 'I'm a libertarian' and both sides will think you agree with them, changing the conversation back to sports or women.

I hope this simple guide can be of help to anyone traveling to this strange yet fascinating land.

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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

spectre

Okay, I'm voting for this thread to be in "Hall of Fame" just for Ustwo's post.

As to the question, what I've found works best is, if it's a class related to your major, then there will likely be people that you've had classes with before, and will see repeatedly, giving you a chance to open the door. You can either ask them what they've heard about future courses that you'll have to take, or what really works well is griping about a class or professor that has proven to be pretty bad for anyone who took that class/class with that professor. I always tend to be early to class by at least 10 minutes, which means another class is usually in session in the room at that time. Others from the class tend to show up around that time and you can start up conversation there. And it doesn't have to be anything complicated. Just talk about a test, homework, or anything else related to the class. And make sure just to make some jokes about the class in some aspect.

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"Fuck these chains
No goddamn slave
I will be different" ~ Machine Head

abaya

Seconded. I've been away for a week and missed this when it was first posted... awesome. Those shaven beasts! (And does Bushie really wear Crocs?? Not that I'm terribly surprised.)

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran