iloveeggs

there's a lot of things that have been happening lately that i don't seem to understand about myself. like, i started smoking. i stopped talking to one of the greatest people in my life and almost lost (another) friendship. i spend money i dont have. i gained a lot of weight. i mean, i thought i knew myself. when i was at college, i felt like the person i wanted to be until i came home and realized how much i changed. i dont know if i like me...

any advice on how to pump myself back up??

__________________
*You never know where life might take you, so live strong and always follow your dreams*

Willravel

Stop smoking, go talk to captain awesome, stop spending money you don't have, run a mile a day, and smile every day.

Life is an amazing circumstance that we're all so very fortunate to have. You really should enjoy every minute of it! Find happiness and peace, give and love.

tinydancer

If you're talking about losing friendships.... I'm sure you didn't.... Just slowly work yourself back up to being honest with who you are...don't loose your self identity in who you think you should be for other people. Those friends know who you really are and they love you for that... and realize things are crazy lately.. just be strong.

__________________
My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am i doing right?
-Charles M. Schulz

Malaka

I don't have any advice on how to pump yourself up. But I can tell you that to get my eating back on course that I have decided to fast today.

I have been really stressed out and have started using sugar to get high in a way that I was not aware that I was doing. It's been a shock to learn that there is a difference between wanting something sweet to eat and wanting to get high and that I choose to get high to feel temporarily good. (I learned this 'difference' when I ate some fruit which was delicious and very sweet and then realized that, apparently, sweetness was not what I had been after.)

So today, I am fasting. By 'fasting', I mean drinking only water. I have fasted before, juice fasting and water fasting, so I am experienced at it and know what to expect. The first few times that I tried it, maybe five years ago, I read everything that I could on fasting in a healthy way. This time I know that I am not doing it in a healthy way! (You're supposed to eat lightly in the days before, for example, to prepare the body.) But not eating is the only way that I know to stop this pattern of getting high (on cocaine's relative, sugar) instead of eating food. It's amazing how you can think that you know all about how harmful something is but, when you feel down, fall back on old habits, whether they're right or wrong.

I can't really recommend that anyone else do the same thing - my partner rarely fasts with me and says that she feels that it does not help her to eat healthfully but instead encourages her to binge. A good friend of mine told me that she could never just not eat. I'm not saying that you should fast either.

For me the decision to fast first felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders - at least for a few days I don't have the burden of trying to get myself to eat healthfully when I know that all that I really want to do is get high. Then I felt very excited - now I could focus on all of the projects that I am looking forward to without thinking about/searching for food. (These projects do not require physical exertion. I only fast when I know I am able to limit my physical activity while I am doing it.)

When I was in a store today looking too long at a bag of chips ahoy I was able to walk away from it easily because of this commitment. Writing this down also helps me continue. That's what I love about forums.

For the next 3-7 days I plan to take in only water. My plan is to fast until I am ready to eat in accordance with my values- the way that I was eating before my weeks long detour.

This is my first post here everyone. I just jumped right in when I saw a conversation that interested me. Iloveeggs, I hope that things start looking up for you.

Jetée

A well-meaning introduction and an astounding way to make yourself known. Great to have you here, Malaka.



iloveeggs, maybe you should try communing with those you feel have similar interests, perhaps go on a biking-trek through the local park or invest some time to connect with your surroundings. If you can identify what is happening around you, then you may be able to locate the the source of sudden spiral downwards.

Best of luck is held for the both of you.

__________________
As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world (that is the myth of the Atomic Age) as in being able to remake ourselves.

—Mohandas K. Gandhi

Malaka

Thanks Jetstream for the acknowledgement. And you're right, there is nothing like getting out in nature to help you feel better. Today I sat down by the (Ohio) river at lunch time with a plan of journaling all of my concerns. Instead, since my surroundings were so beautiful, I put the notebook away.

iloveeggs

i appreciate the help. thanks!!!

__________________
*You never know where life might take you, so live strong and always follow your dreams*

Baraka_Guru

Maybe you could also do what many people forget to do: slow down.

Take the time to look around you and find things that you appreciate... then go ahead and appreciate them. You might also find a lot of negative things around you. Take the time to think of ways to work with them or eliminate them altogether.

It's amazing what the mind does when you give it time to work. If you truly value your friendships, you mind will tell you so. It might even tell you why you would do such as thing as start smoking. Remove the clutter of distractions and let yourself really think about what's going on around you.

If we would only spend more time living in the moment rather than constantly looking ahead to "the next thing," we might all be just a bit more happy.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Jinn

The biggest thing to acknowledge is that your circumstances will almost never change unless you take an active role in changing them.

Your life can only improve by your active involvement in making improvements.

__________________
"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

Plan9

Maybe it's all percentages. Corporate thinking suggests as much.

...

Hell, I KNOW what I do is wrong. But it is better than most... so I keep doing it.

...

Aaah, that badass and age old debate:

"One will often question who has the right to kill a million people... but on the contrary... what right does said million people have to be alive?!"

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."