Quote:
Originally Posted by Malaka
I don't have any advice on how to pump yourself up. But I can tell you that to get my eating back on course that I have decided to fast today.
I have been really stressed out and have started using sugar to get high in a way that I was not aware that I was doing. It's been a shock to learn that there is a difference between wanting something sweet to eat and wanting to get high and that I choose to get high to feel temporarily good. (I learned this 'difference' when I ate some fruit which was delicious and very sweet and then realized that, apparently, sweetness was not what I had been after.)
So today, I am fasting. By 'fasting', I mean drinking only water. I have fasted before, juice fasting and water fasting, so I am experienced at it and know what to expect. The first few times that I tried it, maybe five years ago, I read everything that I could on fasting in a healthy way. This time I know that I am not doing it in a healthy way! (You're supposed to eat lightly in the days before, for example, to prepare the body.) But not eating is the only way that I know to stop this pattern of getting high (on cocaine's relative, sugar) instead of eating food. It's amazing how you can think that you know all about how harmful something is but, when you feel down, fall back on old habits, whether they're right or wrong.
I can't really recommend that anyone else do the same thing - my partner rarely fasts with me and says that she feels that it does not help her to eat healthfully but instead encourages her to binge. A good friend of mine told me that she could never just not eat. I'm not saying that you should fast either.
For me the decision to fast first felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders - at least for a few days I don't have the burden of trying to get myself to eat healthfully when I know that all that I really want to do is get high. Then I felt very excited - now I could focus on all of the projects that I am looking forward to without thinking about/searching for food. (These projects do not require physical exertion. I only fast when I know I am able to limit my physical activity while I am doing it.)
When I was in a store today looking too long at a bag of chips ahoy I was able to walk away from it easily because of this commitment. Writing this down also helps me continue. That's what I love about forums.
For the next 3-7 days I plan to take in only water. My plan is to fast until I am ready to eat in accordance with my values- the way that I was eating before my weeks long detour.
This is my first post here everyone. I just jumped right in when I saw a conversation that interested me. Iloveeggs, I hope that things start looking up for you.
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A well-meaning introduction and an astounding way to make yourself known. Great to have you here, Malaka.
iloveeggs, maybe you should try communing with those you feel have similar interests, perhaps go on a biking-trek through the local park or invest some time to connect with your surroundings. If you can identify what is happening around you, then you may be able to locate the the source of sudden spiral downwards.
Best of luck is held for the both of you.
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