Dieting (too much) wife - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Gilson · 11-02-2006, 07:53 AM

So, I've been married for almost 3 years now, been living with her for 4-5 before that... She started out normal sized for a girl her height (5'10"). She went through a phase where she lost a ton of weight, and looked entirely too skinny (almost Nicole Richie/Olsen twins skinny). She got over that, started eating more normally, and got up in the 160's-170's. A little over ideal weight according to the charts, but she still looked great to me. Once she hit something in the 170's, she decided to start dieting and going back to the gym. That was all well and good, she's back down to the mid 140's, which is ideal for her height.

Problem is, she's still going. I was shutting her PC off the other night when a gmail alert popped up from fading-obsessions.com. Sounded like something dirty, so I went to the site, but apparently it's a "pro-ana/pro-mia" site, which is essentially a place for people with eating disorders to go to to get validation from other people going through that. According to her profile, her target weight is 120 which is ENTIRELY too low. She's went on some sort of "2-4-6-8" diet where you do 200 calories one day, 400 the next, 600, 800, and then back around to 200.

She's stressed out over money, which there isn't a whole lot I can do about. I've got a decent job, and she works part time for someone that pays what she'd make full time at her last job. It's not like we're starving or anything. We're paying bills on time with enough left over for dinners out with friends, movies, trips down to Atlanta for concerts and stuff. She's just getting too stressed over nothing, and that's what's causing the problem. She was even talking about getting something part-time for the holidays. I told her the extra money wouldn't hurt, but I'd much rather have her at home than out working until 10 or 11 so I'm already asleep when she gets home.

So, what do I do? Confront her about the site thing now? Don't mention it, but try to wean her off the diet thing? I haven't the foggiest how to get her to NOT stress over money, but that'd probably be the thing that helps the most. She looks fantastic, she doesn't need to lose any more weight. Moreso than the looks thing, though, I'm worried about the health aspect of it. You're not supposed to weigh 120 when you're that tall.

(Oh, and I'm aware of the whole privacy issue, too, which I feel bad about, but I'm more concerned with her well-being.)

Kaliena · 11-02-2006, 08:13 AM

Wow, this is really a tough situation to approach. I guess the only advice I would have to say is that you don't want her to feel like her wanting to be thinner is wrong, just that her goal is a bit extreme. When you talk to her (if), you really should try to emphasize that you are first and foremost worried about her health and that if she wants to diet that she should do it properly. Maybe offer some alternatives to this website (ie Weight Watchers?) and give her some other researched methods that way she knows you're not attacking her but more looking out for her. You want her to feel like she can be open and honest with you and if you start with the "those websites are so bad, I love you as you are" and whatnot, she'll probably feel like you're attacking her and her decisions, even though it's clearly not the case.

I know that Weight Watchers is the only FDA approved diet method out there. You don't have to buy into the whole program, but they do have some books you can pick up, etc. It might be more her thing. Maybe check around and see if you can talk with a dietician or someone about better foods to incorporate, etc etc? Just some places to start off so you have some suggestions that she would be safer using, cause you know she probably won't quit.

Sage · 11-02-2006, 08:16 AM

If she's eating that little calories a day she's starving herself, literally. It sounds like there's a lot of issues in her life she feels like she can't control, so she's using food as a way to force control back into her life. If you love her, talk to her- be honest about your fears and concerns. This is a REAL PROBLEM in her life, and she needs help. If she won't listen to you, bring in your family and friends who are also concerned about her. Stage an intervention. Take her to thearapy if need be. Don't let her keep on this self-destructive path.

I know it's not easy to hear, but this needs to be dealt with for her sake and for the sake of your marriage.

Willravel · 11-02-2006, 08:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilson

She's went on some sort of "2-4-6-8" diet where you do 200 calories one day, 400 the next, 600, 800, and then back around to 200.

The idea behind the 2-4-6-8 diet is to trick the body into thinking you are increasing the intake, but the process doesn't really work. The result from ultra low calorie levels is anxiety, weakness, brittle skin, shortness of breath, fatugie, vomiting, IBS, dizzyness, fainting, chills, coma, etc. It's anorexia. If she loses more than maybe 4 pounds a week without exercise, please call a doctor.

absorbentishe · 11-02-2006, 11:24 AM

If you and when you do bring this up, don't mention the email/website, she'll loose all trust in you. The only way to beat this is through counseling. My wife has/is anorexic/bulemic. She has been through all the counselling, but everyone pointed the issues to her parents, not her. If in fact your wife is anorxice/bulemic, she will battle this forever, period. If you want more info, pm me, and I can tell you more.

11-02-2006, 07:53 AM	#1 (permalink)
Gilson Upright	Dieting (too much) wife So, I've been married for almost 3 years now, been living with her for 4-5 before that... She started out normal sized for a girl her height (5'10"). She went through a phase where she lost a ton of weight, and looked entirely too skinny (almost Nicole Richie/Olsen twins skinny). She got over that, started eating more normally, and got up in the 160's-170's. A little over ideal weight according to the charts, but she still looked great to me. Once she hit something in the 170's, she decided to start dieting and going back to the gym. That was all well and good, she's back down to the mid 140's, which is ideal for her height. Problem is, she's still going. I was shutting her PC off the other night when a gmail alert popped up from fading-obsessions.com. Sounded like something dirty, so I went to the site, but apparently it's a "pro-ana/pro-mia" site, which is essentially a place for people with eating disorders to go to to get validation from other people going through that. According to her profile, her target weight is 120 which is ENTIRELY too low. She's went on some sort of "2-4-6-8" diet where you do 200 calories one day, 400 the next, 600, 800, and then back around to 200. She's stressed out over money, which there isn't a whole lot I can do about. I've got a decent job, and she works part time for someone that pays what she'd make full time at her last job. It's not like we're starving or anything. We're paying bills on time with enough left over for dinners out with friends, movies, trips down to Atlanta for concerts and stuff. She's just getting too stressed over nothing, and that's what's causing the problem. She was even talking about getting something part-time for the holidays. I told her the extra money wouldn't hurt, but I'd much rather have her at home than out working until 10 or 11 so I'm already asleep when she gets home. So, what do I do? Confront her about the site thing now? Don't mention it, but try to wean her off the diet thing? I haven't the foggiest how to get her to NOT stress over money, but that'd probably be the thing that helps the most. She looks fantastic, she doesn't need to lose any more weight. Moreso than the looks thing, though, I'm worried about the health aspect of it. You're not supposed to weigh 120 when you're that tall. (Oh, and I'm aware of the whole privacy issue, too, which I feel bad about, but I'm more concerned with her well-being.)

11-02-2006, 08:13 AM	#2 (permalink)
Kaliena Crazy Location: Pennsylvania, USA	Wow, this is really a tough situation to approach. I guess the only advice I would have to say is that you don't want her to feel like her wanting to be thinner is wrong, just that her goal is a bit extreme. When you talk to her (if), you really should try to emphasize that you are first and foremost worried about her health and that if she wants to diet that she should do it properly. Maybe offer some alternatives to this website (ie Weight Watchers?) and give her some other researched methods that way she knows you're not attacking her but more looking out for her. You want her to feel like she can be open and honest with you and if you start with the "those websites are so bad, I love you as you are" and whatnot, she'll probably feel like you're attacking her and her decisions, even though it's clearly not the case. I know that Weight Watchers is the only FDA approved diet method out there. You don't have to buy into the whole program, but they do have some books you can pick up, etc. It might be more her thing. Maybe check around and see if you can talk with a dietician or someone about better foods to incorporate, etc etc? Just some places to start off so you have some suggestions that she would be safer using, cause you know she probably won't quit. __________________ ~Beware the waffle~

11-02-2006, 08:16 AM	#3 (permalink)
Sage hoarding all the big girl panties since 2005 Location: North side	If she's eating that little calories a day she's starving herself, literally. It sounds like there's a lot of issues in her life she feels like she can't control, so she's using food as a way to force control back into her life. If you love her, talk to her- be honest about your fears and concerns. This is a REAL PROBLEM in her life, and she needs help. If she won't listen to you, bring in your family and friends who are also concerned about her. Stage an intervention. Take her to thearapy if need be. Don't let her keep on this self-destructive path. I know it's not easy to hear, but this needs to be dealt with for her sake and for the sake of your marriage. __________________ Sage knows our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's She answers hard acrostics, has a pretty taste for paradox She quotes in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus In conics she can floor peculiarities parabolous -C'hi

11-02-2006, 11:24 AM	#5 (permalink)
absorbentishe Boy am I horny today Location: T O L E D O, Toledo!!	If you and when you do bring this up, don't mention the email/website, she'll loose all trust in you. The only way to beat this is through counseling. My wife has/is anorexic/bulemic. She has been through all the counselling, but everyone pointed the issues to her parents, not her. If in fact your wife is anorxice/bulemic, she will battle this forever, period. If you want more info, pm me, and I can tell you more.