gotekix

I can't pinpoint exactly what it is that keeps me distant from my parents. I just know that when I spend time with them I get severely annoyed and end up arguing over one thing or another. I'm not the most argumentative person, especially with friends, but with family I always feel on edge.

What're your relationships like with your parents and what do they do to you that bothers you the most?

Willravel

Well you're born, you live with the people for 18+ years, and part of your personality is growing independant from them. They're bound to urk you every now and again. It's natural to have a very different pereption of your parents (and siblings) than other people in society, because you basically know their full personality.

My parents and I usually get along. After my dad had his midlife crisis, he calmed down a great deal. He went from slightly passive-agresive and suppressed to confident and open minded. He still has his quirks, but at the end of the day I trust him and wouldn't expect him to start a fight. My mom was always the head of the house. Her father was quite a powerful man and she was the youngest, so she had to be equally powerful to stand up to him. She still has the ability to go from 0 to 100 in less than a second. She also has gone back to school (getting her PhD in Psych), and reconnected with the twentysomething lifestyle. The good side to that is that she has no problem relating to me. The not so good side is that she acts like a 21 year old. Leave us say I'm happy for her successes, and think she's a good person, but I'm glad I don't live with her. I don't have the energy to go 12 rounds every night just because the house isn't tidy or something.

I like both my parents very much. I think they're both good people, and I'd probably be friends with them even if we weren't related.

*Nikki*

I also get annoyed when I spend a lot of time with my parents. Most of this has to do with the fact that I am extreamly open minded and my parents are not. They make statements that see to come right out of 1950 and it drives me mad.

Other then that they are wonderful people who have given me so much in life. I hope to one day be that good of a parent to my child.

snowy

I actually really enjoy spending a lot of time with my parents. We're quite close, and I hate the fact that I don't live in the same area as they do. Mind you, I don't want to be in the same town as my parents, but within an hour's drive would be nice. Three and a half to five hours depending on traffic is a little much for me--I miss when they lived an hour and twenty minutes away and I could decide at the last minute to go and visit them or go visit them just for the day.

I think as you grow and become your own person--I think that's hard for a lot of parents, to see their children become individuals. Some parents handle the transition better than others; some truly rejoice at their children becoming adults--I know mine did. Mind you, they still take care of me in a lot of ways, but they love that I am my own person and can stand on my own two feet. They take care of me because they love me and want to, not because they have to or feel obligated--and that seems to make a lot of difference.

Fortunately for me, my parents and I are a lot alike, have a lot in common, and if they weren't my parents and I knew them some other way, we would definitely be friends. My mom and dad are definitely two of my best and closest friends--I know I can tell them anything without repurcussions or judgment. I have been truly blessed.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

pornclerk

I have different relationships with my parents now than when I was younger. My dad has accepted the fact that I am an adult and respects the decisions I make. My mom, however, still treats me like I'm 15. I am hoping to get to that level where we can be more like friends, but she just doesn't realize I'm grown up!

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Who wants a twig when you can have the whole tree?

guthmund

My dad treats me like that. Despite all efforts to explain otherwise, I get the impression that he thinks every decision I've ever made is made to slight him.

My relationship with my mother has changed very little over the years. She's always treated me like my own man and while she might not agree with every decision, she's respected my right to make that decision.

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No signature. None. Seriously.

shesus

Gotekix, I was curious how old you were because age is a factor sometimes. And sometimes it's better just to cut ties for awhile and let the relationship breath. I always ask myself "If they weren't family, would I still have them in my life?" That sounds cold and terrible, but you have to be happy because life is too short. That being said I'll tell you my experience with my parents.

I noticed that between the ages of 18-22 my parents and I would fight all the time over things. This is because I was breaking out and becoming my own person and they were trying to stifle this growth because they didn't want to let go...only child syndrome combined with that I believe.

Once I moved away our relationship got better, but we still have our moments. My mom is really controlling and passive-aggressive. If I make a choice that doesn't meet the plan she laid out for me, I hear about it and hear all the ways I'm going to fail and be miserable. I'm still learning how to ignore this and live for myself. My dad is more laid back, but very opinionated too. Just not as bad and tries to be supportive although we rarely speak.

__________________
Whatever did happen to your soul?
I heard you sold it

Choose Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company

abaya

Incidentally, my mom is visiting me and ktspktsp for a few days, and I've been sharply reminded of how much she bothers me. It's sad, really, because I wish we could be chummy and have a nice relationship... but even though we're "close" (we do talk about a lot of personal things), I don't feel much warmth towards my mother. I've sort of killed that feeling, in myself.

I am an only child, and she doesn't have much else going for her (my dad died before I was born, and my stepdad left her when I was 16)... so basically, all the pressure falls on me to fulfill her emotional needs. I don't do it. I refuse, and that makes her angry (because she feels neglected and unloved; her own perception). I have always been put in the "parentification" role, where I am the one usually taking care of her and not the other way around... which I have resented deeply for all of my life.

So even though I've been working on this relationship in therapy for years, and it's improved significantly (especially since she got on happy pills and quit lashing out at/controlling me as much, and I moved far away from home), I don't think it's ever going to be a fantastic relationship. There is just way too much pain there from things she inadvertently said and did throughout the years... she always meant well, but was always inherently selfish in the end.

As for my stepdad, we get along pretty well. I was angry at him when he left my mom, but I got over it (he was lucky). We talk on the phone once or twice a week about everything, and we have very few barriers between us.I feel lucky that I've always had a supportive and expressive father figure; I think he is the reason I turned out decently.

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Ample

First off my parents are divorced (happen the year I moved out) and live 3000 miles away.

I don’t talk with my dad much. We are not on bad terms or anything, we just have zero to talk about. We are two completely different people on just about every way possible. We have spoke on the phone twice this year, and one time it was cause of father’s day. Each phone call is ‘bout twenty minutes long and the half of it seems to revolve around football. I’m flying home in a week and a half, and plan on seeing him for an afternoon. We can both sit on the couch and struggle for things to talk about; yeah I’m looking forward to this. He is in his late 60s and has smoked for almost his whole entire life. He doesn’t have any health problems but I know that he is just not going to live to be a real old man. I know that I’m going to kick myself when he is gone that I didn’t make a closer attempt to spend more time with him.

I get along with my mom pretty well. We talk on the phone once a month, and twice a month she flies out east to see her family, myself included. She has two older sons that lived with their father, and I have two younger sisters. I don’t want to brag, but I seem like the one that was going to be the biggest looser, but today I have accomplished the most, and give her the most reasons to brag to her friends about. In her eyes I have never done no wrong (just never got caught) and can still never do no wrong.

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Her juju beads are so nice
She kissed my third cousin twice
Im the king of pomona

Jinn

The older I get the more thankful I am for having parents who were so actively conerned with my wellbeing. The fact that my dad, at age 35ish... retired from a well-paying job simply so he could be at home 100% of the time to take care of my sister and I -- is impressive. Two years ago, I was still angsty and pissed at them for trying to rule over my life. But as time goes by, the more and more I find things that I'm thankful for them teaching me. Even better, the more I talk to my mother lately, the smarter I realize she really is. I had pretty ideal parents, as those things go.

I used to have a bit of a difficulty with my dad, becuase he still liked to treat me as HIS child, not an adult. In the last year or so that's changed -- he'll tell me what I'm doing might not be the best solution, but he can be content letting me decide and helping me pick up the pieces, realizing his solution was better in the first place.

No complaints here as far as my parents bothering me; but I've met enough people with horrible (or even just clueless) parents to say that having parents who bother you is NOT uncommon or even out of the ordinary.

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"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

Bazan_Kor

I went to boarding school until this july and i used to come home at weekends and be fine with my rents. But by the end of the holidays, boy, i couldn't wait to get out of the door. I think its just a matter of us being too like our parents. For me at least I see the features of myself I like least in my dad which makes me resent him because he reminds me of whats wrong with myself.

Of course its not unusual not to get on with your parents but i think its so so important to make the most of it while you can. Ive met too many people from broken homes and while my dads 'saturday night trips to the city' on his own are more than suspect I cant help but be grateful I do have both my parents and they do both care about me.

krwlz

I personally get along great with my parents. We have our moments, but since I mostly moved out, its improved 100 fold. My parents understand me pretty well though, and I understand them, and we all enjoy each others company. But then, my parents are anything but typica


From the one that think's we're nasty for blowing our noses in the shower
(Haha, just busting)

*Nikki*

Hey man I will overlook a lot of nasty things but blowing in the shower isn't one of them