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Incidentally, my mom is visiting me and ktspktsp for a few days, and I've been sharply reminded of how much she bothers me. It's sad, really, because I wish we could be chummy and have a nice relationship... but even though we're "close" (we do talk about a lot of personal things), I don't feel much warmth towards my mother. I've sort of killed that feeling, in myself.
I am an only child, and she doesn't have much else going for her (my dad died before I was born, and my stepdad left her when I was 16)... so basically, all the pressure falls on me to fulfill her emotional needs. I don't do it. I refuse, and that makes her angry (because she feels neglected and unloved; her own perception). I have always been put in the "parentification" role, where I am the one usually taking care of her and not the other way around... which I have resented deeply for all of my life.
So even though I've been working on this relationship in therapy for years, and it's improved significantly (especially since she got on happy pills and quit lashing out at/controlling me as much, and I moved far away from home), I don't think it's ever going to be a fantastic relationship. There is just way too much pain there from things she inadvertently said and did throughout the years... she always meant well, but was always inherently selfish in the end.
As for my stepdad, we get along pretty well. I was angry at him when he left my mom, but I got over it (he was lucky). We talk on the phone once or twice a week about everything, and we have very few barriers between us.I feel lucky that I've always had a supportive and expressive father figure; I think he is the reason I turned out decently.
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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran
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