ASU2003

On my plane flight yesterday, there was a woman with her arm in a cast. And there had to have been 25 people ask her what happened within a 3 hour period. Short of breaking my arm (or having my sister put a fake cast on it), can anybody come up with a way to get people to start a conversation with you? People with new babies or dogs have the same thing happen to them. But, those two things aren't an option for me.

I guess you could wear a college shirt or a sports team uniform and start talking to another person who is wearing the same thing (or you know goes to the school and ask a few basic questions).

I think the problem I am having with my communication technique is not being able to come up with things to talk about with other people, or just being unable to come up with anything to say after the initial "Hello, how are you." or whatever obvious question I have. And if other people start a conversation with me, I know that they want to talk to me, so it is much better.

Toaster126

You can practice conversation topics before social situations come up. That way you don't have to feel uncomfortable when you are talking to someone new because you'll have all these things you can start a conversation with.

Once you start talking to someone, you can probably ask a question or get clarification on something from each statement out of their mouth that isn't a question back to you. And, um, if they ask you a question, answer it.

__________________
"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

Pip

You could always borrow someone's dog or baby for a little while. Or carry something else that's odd or interesting around. Speaking from experience, a yard-long plush beetle is a great conversation starter. (You do need a plausible reason for carrying it around though.)
Look for conversation starters on other people. An arm in a cast is obvious, but a nice pair of shoes, a book you've read or want to read or a good haircut work just as well. By asking someone where they bought their shoes or who their hairdresser is they will feel flattered and like you more, it's a classic 'in' to a conversation.
And of course everyone likes to complain. When the bus is late or the subway is crowded or the weather is miserable you have a given conversation topic.

What kinds of conversations are you looking for? To pass the time or to find new friends?

Willravel

Conversational, friend, aquaintence:
Only a certian type of person starts a conversation with a person he or she has never met before. I call these people talkative. The way to find talkative people is to find them and hang out with them. Talkitive people tend to find other talkative people.

More than friend:
Well this one is a bit more complicated. While generally speaking people can get chatted up anywhere, there are places specifically suited for intruductions and conversations with people that you might be interested in or who might be interested in you. More often than not, people are open in date or relationship type venues, such as bars, coffee houses, movie theaters, clubs, church (you heard me), school, etc. You're more likely, at least from my experience, to find conversationalists here. My favorite spot, from my single days, was the college book store or library. People can't shut up in there, because they're bored from studying.

Rodney

The thing is, you can start a conversation with almost anything, if you're polite, well spoken -- and the other person is in the mood. Don't feel put down when you start a conversation and the other person doesn't bite; maybe they're tired, or thinking about something else, or just aren't interested in you. Or maybe your approach is too artificial; if you seem too needy, people shear off. Wouldn't you? You'd wonder, "What does this stranger want from me?" Women especially are wary in these cases, and often with good reason.

That said, people most like to talk about themselves, or give to give advice when asked. Practice conversation and learn to enjoy conversation for conversation's sake.

thingstodo

Start conversations with others the same way you've seen it done - by asking other people questions. Showing a sincere interest in someone else is a great way to engage someone in a conversation. And the result is pretty much the same as if they had initiated the conversation with you!

__________________
If you're wringing your hands you can't roll up your shirt sleeves.

Stangers have the best candy.

monkeysugar

Volunteer at a nursing home/retirement community. Older folks tend to be a bit more talkative than most, especially when someone new is around. They'll want to know who you are and what you're all about. It's a great way to get experience talking to people, and you get to learn from some really amazing people. You also will inevitably end up talking to some who are just batshit-crazy, but that's ok too. I know you're probably trying to figure out how to talk to people your own age, but this will help you do that. People are people. It's about making a connection on a shared interest, and going with it.

__________________
I've got the love of my life and a job that I enjoy most of the time. Life is good.

Ample

So easy for you extrovert, got to remember that it doesnt come that easy to us intervert, unless you pounded a few like I just did.

__________________

Her juju beads are so nice
She kissed my third cousin twice
Im the king of pomona

thespian86

Yeah, I'm extremely social and will just start conversations if I feel the need with anyone. In fact, today while my Fiancee was trying on a bikini I put on a kids hat, a girl kids hat, that said "Mrs. Bloom" (as in orlando) and asked the employee if she liked it?

Started our conversation.

Shamelessness is an amazing gift.

__________________
EX: Whats new?
ME: I officially love coffee more then you now.
EX: uh...
ME: So, not much.

Toaster126

Introversion isn't an excuse. I'm very introverted. Introverted doesn't mean shy or unable to hold conversations, though.

__________________
"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

Pip

Good point, Toaster. I shall now shamelessly quote Jane Austen, because she rocks. From Pride and Prejudice:
Don't be like Mr. Darcy. Practise practise practise. I almost have to hurt myself to make conversation sometimes, because I find it scary or tedious or difficult, but I refuse to give up on something just because it doesn't come naturally to me. I'd be very limited in my activities then...

thingstodo

There's a book called "The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World." My wife, a psychologist and intervert, thought it was great.

Editorial Reviews

Paul D. Tieger, co-author of Do What You Are
"Filled with Aha! moments of recognition, Dr. Laney's book will help millions of introverts . . ."

Dr. Bernardo J. Carducci, author of Shyness: A Bold New Approach
"Its clear, step-by-step advice will help introverts recognize and capitalize on their unique strengths."

Book Description
At least one out of four people prefers to avoid the limelight, tends to listen more than they speak, feels alone in large groups, and requires lots of private time to restore their energy. They're introverts, and here is the book to help them boost their confidence while learning strategies for successfully living in an extrovert world.

After dispelling common myths about introverts-they're not necessarily shy, aloof, or antisocial--The Introvert Advantage explains the real issues. Introverts are hardwired from birth to focus inward, so outside stimulation-chitchat, phone calls, parties, office meetings-can easily become "too much."

The Introvert Advantage dispels introverts' belief that something is wrong with them and instead helps them recognize their inner strengths-their analytical skills, ability to think outside the box, and strong powers of concentration. It helps readers understand introversion and shows them how to determine where they fall on the introvert/extrovert continuum. It provides tools to improve relationships with partners, kids, colleagues, and friends, offering dozens of tips, including 10 ways to talk less and communicate more, 8 ways to showcase your abilities at work, how to take a child's temperament temperature, and strategies for socializing. Finally, it shows how to not just survive, but thrive-how to take advantage of the introvert's special qualities to create a life that's just right for the introvert temperament, to discover new ways to expand their energy reserves, and even how, when necessary, to confidently become a temporary extrovert.

About the Author
Marti Olsen Laney, Psy.D., is a researcher, educator, author, and psychotherapist. One of America’s foremost authorities on introversion, she speaks and leads workshops on the topic in the United States and Canada. She and her extroverted husband have two grown daughters and four grandchildren. They live in Portland, Oregon.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Self-Assessment for Introverts
Take the test for introversion on a day when you are feeling relaxed and not stressed out. Pick a cozy nook where you won't be interrupted. Consider each statement in terms of what is generally true or false for you, not how you wish you were or how you are some of the time. Don't analyze or think too deeply about each statement. Your first impression is usually the best. For an outside view of yourself, it can be enlightening to have a partner or friend answer for you. Compare your results with your friend's score. If the two tallies differ, talk about both of your views.

Answer the following questions T or F, then add up your True answers and check the scoring at the end of the list to see if you're an introvert, fall in the middle of the continuum, or are an extrovert.

-- When I need to rest, I prefer to spend time along or with one or two close people rather than with a group.

-- When I work on projects, I like to have larger uninterrupted time periods rather than smaller chunks.

-- I sometimes rehearse things before speaking, occasionally writing notes for myself.

-- In general, I like to listen more than I like to talk.

-- People sometimes think I'm quiet, mysterious, aloof, or calm.

-- I like to share special occasion with just one person or a few close friends, rather than have big celebrations.

-- I usually need to think before I respond or speak.

-- I tend to notice details many people don't see.

-- If two people have just had a fight, I feel the tension in the air.

-- If I say I will do something, I almost always do it.

-- I feel anxious if I have a deadline or pressure to finish a project.

-- I can "zone out" if too much is going on.

-- I like to watch an activity for a while before I decide to join it.

-- I form lasting relationships.

-- I don't like to interrupt others; I don't like to be interrupted.

-- When I take in lots of information, it takes me a while to sort it out.

-- I don't like overstimulating environments. I can't imagine why folks want to go to horror movies or go on roller coasters.

-- I sometimes have strong reactions to smells, tastes, foods, weather, noises, etc.

-- I am creative and/or imaginative.

-- I feel drained after social situations, even when I enjoy myself.

-- I prefer to be introduced rather than to introduce others.

-- I can become grouchy if I'm around people or activities too long.

-- I often feel uncomfortable in new surroundings.

-- I like people to come to my home, but I don't like them to stay too long.

-- I often dread returning phone calls.

-- I find my mind sometimes goes blank when I meet people or when I am asked to speak unexpectedly.

-- I talk slowly or have gaps in my words, especially if I am tired or if I am trying to speak and think at once.

-- I don't think of casual acquaintances as friends.

-- I feel as if I can't show other people my work or ideas until they are fully formulated.

-- Other people may surprise me by thinking I am smarter than I think I am.

Add up the number of Trues. Then read the following to see where you fall.

20-29 True: Pretty darn introverted. As a result, it is extremely important for you to understand how to keep your energy flowing and how our brain processes information. You relate to life through your ideas, impressions, hopes and values. You are not at the mercy of your external environment. This book can help you use your inner knowledge and create your own path.

10-19 True: Somewhere in the middle. Like being ambidextrous, you are both introverted and extroverted. You may feel torn between needing to be aloe and wanting to be out and about. So it's very helpful to notice when and how you consistently feel more energized. You judge yourself by your own thoughts and feelings and by the standards of other people. This gives you a broad view, but at times you may get caught up in seeing both sides of a situation and not know where you stand. It is important to learn to assess your temperament so you can maintain your energy and balance.

1-9 True: You are more extroverted. You judge yourself in the light of the values and reality of others. You work within the bounds of what exists to bring about change. As you reach midlife and your body slows down, you may surprise yourself by wanting to take a break from socializing or needing time to yourself and then not knowing what to do. You can develop techniques to help yourself remember what is best for you to do when you need solitude. To do this you will have to balance your extroverting skills by learning more introverting skills.

__________________
If you're wringing your hands you can't roll up your shirt sleeves.

Stangers have the best candy.

Xazy

Sounds like an interesting book. I think of myself intraverted, but people tell me I am not, and that I am a 'people's person.' This was recently said to me about a month ago, and it shocked me.

But if you ever want to talk to someone just speak up, who cares what it is about, you will figure out over time what topics interest you and bring about a response from others. It is hit or miss, and a learning experience.