thespian86

Hey Everyone,

I'm not sure if anyone has read enough of my posts to know that I am a student actor, that is I am currently on summer break from studying musical theatre. Let me begin at, simply, the begining.

I began acting when I was very young and my enthusiasm got me many young roles which could have gone to better singers. But my love for theatre grew, especially musical theatre, and I began to act more consistantly, leaving one show or company to instantly join another. I have never been the strongest dancer, not that I'm lacking technique, but because of a football injury that I got when I was a young teen, which had pretty much ridden me chubby and somewhat crippled for a few months/a couple of years :S. All the same my comedic timing, stage presence, work ethic, passion, and, at times, mediocre talant landed me great roles, most of the time playing the anti hero; the geek or the older man, which was great because of my character voice and my natural comedic nature, which usually laced the text and lyrics of those roles. I began getting cast in our, capital city, yet somewhat small town as mostly lead roles, sometimes the second largest male principal. There was a time when I was losing roles to a boy who had far less singing and acting talant and experience then me, but could dance like he had it in his blood. this made me bitter and turned me to straight acting (pun intended) and i began to develop the dramatic side of me, open up my emotions to draw from them, and began to develop a strong acting technique. This takes us to my grad year in high school where I won the lead role of Tevye in Fiddler On The Roof, got Seymour in Little Shop Of Horrors, Robert in sondheim's Company, Mike in A Chorus Line, and led two revue shows which left me both exhausted, confident (too much at times), experienced, and, most importantly, with a full acting resume. I showed up at schools to find that my resume was making big splashes after my extremely lucky year in my city's very young theatre community (I had actually been the lead at a highschool that I techniquely didn't go to but had enroled as a "part time student" and taken one correspondence course to make it offical). Most of the time I was doing three or four shows at once, leaving me with no life outside of school and rehersal; but to be honest that was my life, the stage. I was on top of the world. But three years later I have found very little work in or outside of school. Even in my small town I am being turned down for roles that I feel I deserve. Also, life has become very dark and distant at my school and in the large acting community in my university city. Students are murderous and liars. Women put other female students in physical harm dancing, men create emotional armies to try to drive a threat out of the company. They are five year olds with the ruthlessness of a dictator.

I guess my problem is that I was used to the whole backstabbing nature of the business when it was small time but perhaps I am to naive and nice to survive it. And say I do, perhaps I will continue this mean streak and not get any jobs. I'm not sure what I will do fiancially. All of this didn't matter before but now it seems like a harsh reality. I can't stay in school and certificate programs forever.

I love the stage more then anything else in the world, excluding my fiance. And I'm not willing to give it up. I'm not only an addict, it has been my whole life for as long as I can remember and I don't know anything else. But if it is going to land me on the street with a broken spirit and a drinking problem then I'm not going to hang on out of stubborness. What am i going to do with my life? I'm scared of getting out of school and I really need some advice. Please... Pretty please?

PMF21

__________________
EX: Whats new?
ME: I officially love coffee more then you now.
EX: uh...
ME: So, not much.

ngdawg

Unfortunately, no matter how good we are at what we do, there will always be someone better, whether it's at the craft itself or better at self-selling or just, as you have found, so ruthless they shove everyone down to the ground and step on the bodies as they stampede their way to their goal. Fair? Nope. But nothing is.
You don't have to abandon your craft; in fact that would be the worst thing you could do.
But you will have to swallow a little pride if you want to eat. Bartend, work retail, wait tables and when not working, do what you love. If you need more than one job, so be it.
Everyone thinks they're terrific and some truly are. But all art, from singing to dancing to painting, is totally at the mercy of those who will buy, those who offer jobs and their own personal vision. Not everone loves Picasso; not everyone cares for Robert DeNiro.
But they did what they loved.
Do you have the drive? How much do you want this? I know discouragement firsthand and most of it comes from within. FInd something you can do to keep you financially ok and seek out community theatre, join an arts association, etc. Pounce on opportunity-contrary to the old saying, it never knocks, it walks by the door. You have to catch it. You don't have to lower yourself to what you've seen in the worst of people, but you do have to be persistent and keep forging ahead if you have any chance to get what you want. Good luck.

__________________
Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

thespian86

Thank you for your kind words and I agree, I do have to keep going. I would never forgive myself if I gave up. not only that but my fiance and I know nothing else and although I know we love each other for many different reasons I think maybe one thing that attracts her to me is my endless enthusiasm and passion towards the dark paradox that is comedy. i guess sometimes i get exhausted without any of rest.

I'm just worried that I'll get to the point where it is obvious that I am making no progress and have to go back to university at 30? I'm scared of the future that this holds, on the other hand, it is the only future I want...

I feel torn.

__________________
EX: Whats new?
ME: I officially love coffee more then you now.
EX: uh...
ME: So, not much.

ngdawg

And at 30, why would going back be a problem? I went 'back' to school at 49!
We all think we'll be set for life by 24, but that is simply not true the majority of the time.
Love what you do, do what you love, but keep the reality. If you need 'practical' education, take it. Understand that no one starts at the top, they have to climb and be worthy of getting there along with some lucky moments. But even then, luck doesn't just 'happen'-even lottery winners had to buy tickets.

__________________
Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

Mantus

You know this already. You have to accept it as soon as possible. The only way to get to the top is though people skills. It's true in business, academia, gang warfare and especially the arts. The ones who move to depression, drugs, alcoholism or all of the above are those who try to deny that reality. I've seen too many artists, musician and actors refuse to admit the fundamental quality of human nature. That's just how things are. Learn to deal with people and you will achieve any path you want.

As such it might help you hone your leadership skills, develop your inner focus and strengthen you reality. This goes past your skills on stage.

But you know this already, it's just time to accept it and adapt.

little_tippler

I understand what Mantus is saying, about accepting the reality. But I don't think you have to conform. You yourself don't have to be sleazy and backstabbing. Just be aware that it can happen, and be firm and strong when it does. Also learn to see things before they hit you. Try and get the better of them when you can. It's possible to survive in the arts and still have some ethics left in you. If not, then you'd just die inside anyway and who wants to be that, for all the riches, fame and success in the world? I sure don't. Don't give up, the key is perseverance and resilience. Surround yourself with good people when you can and things will work out - and at least you'll always have their support.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

Jinn

I know this might sound overly simplistic, but it really seems like a question of drive.

Every career, regardless of where, who, when, and how its performed -- will have naysayers, backstabbers, and obstacles. The only reason that anyone stays with the career they have is that they recognize the above and STILL want to do it.

If you can look at all the adversity that you'll face, all the backstabbers you'll meet, all the harsh competition... and still want to do it? You're set. That's all you need.

I'd extend this to any action: if you know ALL the potential consequences of an action and you still want to do said action - then you'll only regret it if you don't do it.

And I wouldn't worry so much about being on the street with a drinking problem and a broken spirit. You've got support, here, in your fiancee, and in other people.. that's half the battle. The other half is wanting to do it. Even if acting COMPLETELY falls through, you'll only fail if you give up.

My vote? Do it.

__________________
"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

thespian86

Thanks JinnKai, very well put. Agreed.

__________________
EX: Whats new?
ME: I officially love coffee more then you now.
EX: uh...
ME: So, not much.