Sketch Comedy Round 2 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

KungFuGuy · 06-09-2005, 12:37 PM

Some of you might remember the last sketch I wrote about a cowboy walking into a bar and there being a time travel accident. (i'm still looking for a bar to shoot it in btw). Well here's another sketch I wrote. Humor in this one's a lot more visual. Should also be easier to shoot since I don't need a special location.

THE BIG RAT (tentative title)

INT. WOMAN’S APARTMENT - DAY

An old WOMAN is pacing back and forth in the living room of her apartment with portable phone in hand. She has a shower cap on and is in her bathrobe. The living room is decorated with little knickknacks that just collect dust and the furniture is covered in plastic. A chair is wedged under the doorknob of the bathroom door to keep it closed. The doorbell to her apartment rings.
The old Woman quickly runs over and opens the door to let a pest control SPECIALIST walk in. He’s wearing an extensive utility belt arrayed in pest control sprays to plain old tools. On his back is a samurai sword and a tank fool of pest spray.

WOMAN
It’s about! Quick quick the rat’s in the guest bathroom over there.

SPECIALIST
Okay ma’am. Sorry for the delay, there was an accident on I-95 by the exit, you know how it goes.

WOMAN
Oh my, not again. That’s terrible. I keep writing letters to the freeway commission about it and they never do anything.

SPECIALIST
(a beat)
Well let me go take a look at that rat problem now.

WOMAN
Of course, right there’s the bathroom.
The Woman and Specialist walk over to the door with the chair. The man removes the chair and is about to open the door when:

WOMAN
Wait!

SPECIALIST
What?

WOMAN
Well, it’s a big rat.

SPECIALIST
I’m sure I’ve handled bigger rats before ma'am. Nothing to worry about.

WOMAN
I mean, it’s not going to cost more is it?

SPECIALIST
(a beat)
No.

The Woman nods affirmatively as the man puts his hand to the doorknob. He opens it- nothing happens. He smiles at her and walks into the inky blackness of the bathroom. The door closes behind him.

The Woman begins walking away when a wretched and horrible scream emanates from the bathroom door. Sounds of battle can be heard.

The Woman then goes about her business, watching television, reading a book, and folding some laundry as the day progresses in a montage.
The screaming and battle sounds cease. She looks over attentively and the door opens. The Specialist walks out covered in wounds. Blood is freely gushing from his face and his arm is about to fall off. His clothes have been ripped to shreds.

His good arm is holding the head of an impossibly giant rat, taken from a man-sized rat costume. Blood is leaking out of the severed neck.

WOMAN
I’ll told you it was a big rat.

SPECIALIST
(exhausted)
It wasn't a problem. Like I said- I’ve seen bigger.

WOMAN
Now here’s $40 as we agreed on the phone. Don’t expect me to pay more just because you got a little beat up.

The Specialist puts the head of the rat on the Woman’s coffee table with a resounding splat and leaves.

THE END.

*******************************************
please excuse the pour formatting, I just copy and pasted from FD Pro. All comments are welcome.

Bob Biter · 06-09-2005, 04:44 PM

Nice short one! I got a good visual from it. One thing: when the specialist is about to enter the bathroom, how about he mumbles a little shinto prayer (even if he looks like Joe America, middle-aged and with a gut, he takes his shit seriously), then slowly takes out the katana.

While he's fighting, he could scream out some random stuff in Japanese and English, like "I welcome death!" or "Shinde, temeh!" (Die, you bastard!). That would be fun. The goings-on in the bathroom are what will really sell this sketch. In one of the fight cuts, the guy could be yelling "Dragon punch! Dragon punch! Dragon punch!" over and over, with a heavy "thud" sound each time. In another cut, the fight could suddenly stop, then the door opens slightly, a bloody arm reaches out to turn on the bathroom light, pulls back in. Then the guy screams "Sweet God in heaven!", then the door shuts abruptly and the fighting continues.

KungFuGuy · 06-11-2005, 12:02 PM

those are really good suggestions bob, thanks. especially the "dragon punch!" maybe some "hadoken's" while i'm at it ^_^

saut · 06-11-2005, 05:05 PM

Those are some awesomely funny ideas Bob.

06-09-2005, 12:37 PM	#1 (permalink)
KungFuGuy Insane	Sketch Comedy Round 2 Some of you might remember the last sketch I wrote about a cowboy walking into a bar and there being a time travel accident. (i'm still looking for a bar to shoot it in btw). Well here's another sketch I wrote. Humor in this one's a lot more visual. Should also be easier to shoot since I don't need a special location. THE BIG RAT (tentative title) INT. WOMAN’S APARTMENT - DAY An old WOMAN is pacing back and forth in the living room of her apartment with portable phone in hand. She has a shower cap on and is in her bathrobe. The living room is decorated with little knickknacks that just collect dust and the furniture is covered in plastic. A chair is wedged under the doorknob of the bathroom door to keep it closed. The doorbell to her apartment rings. The old Woman quickly runs over and opens the door to let a pest control SPECIALIST walk in. He’s wearing an extensive utility belt arrayed in pest control sprays to plain old tools. On his back is a samurai sword and a tank fool of pest spray. WOMAN It’s about! Quick quick the rat’s in the guest bathroom over there. SPECIALIST Okay ma’am. Sorry for the delay, there was an accident on I-95 by the exit, you know how it goes. WOMAN Oh my, not again. That’s terrible. I keep writing letters to the freeway commission about it and they never do anything. SPECIALIST (a beat) Well let me go take a look at that rat problem now. WOMAN Of course, right there’s the bathroom. The Woman and Specialist walk over to the door with the chair. The man removes the chair and is about to open the door when: WOMAN Wait! SPECIALIST What? WOMAN Well, it’s a big rat. SPECIALIST I’m sure I’ve handled bigger rats before ma'am. Nothing to worry about. WOMAN I mean, it’s not going to cost more is it? SPECIALIST (a beat) No. The Woman nods affirmatively as the man puts his hand to the doorknob. He opens it- nothing happens. He smiles at her and walks into the inky blackness of the bathroom. The door closes behind him. The Woman begins walking away when a wretched and horrible scream emanates from the bathroom door. Sounds of battle can be heard. The Woman then goes about her business, watching television, reading a book, and folding some laundry as the day progresses in a montage. The screaming and battle sounds cease. She looks over attentively and the door opens. The Specialist walks out covered in wounds. Blood is freely gushing from his face and his arm is about to fall off. His clothes have been ripped to shreds. His good arm is holding the head of an impossibly giant rat, taken from a man-sized rat costume. Blood is leaking out of the severed neck. WOMAN I’ll told you it was a big rat. SPECIALIST (exhausted) It wasn't a problem. Like I said- I’ve seen bigger. WOMAN Now here’s $40 as we agreed on the phone. Don’t expect me to pay more just because you got a little beat up. The Specialist puts the head of the rat on the Woman’s coffee table with a resounding splat and leaves. THE END. ******************************************* please excuse the pour formatting, I just copy and pasted from FD Pro. All comments are welcome.

06-09-2005, 04:44 PM	#2 (permalink)
Bob Biter Non-smokers die everyday Location: Montreal	Nice short one! I got a good visual from it. One thing: when the specialist is about to enter the bathroom, how about he mumbles a little shinto prayer (even if he looks like Joe America, middle-aged and with a gut, he takes his shit seriously), then slowly takes out the katana. While he's fighting, he could scream out some random stuff in Japanese and English, like "I welcome death!" or "Shinde, temeh!" (Die, you bastard!). That would be fun. The goings-on in the bathroom are what will really sell this sketch. In one of the fight cuts, the guy could be yelling "Dragon punch! Dragon punch! Dragon punch!" over and over, with a heavy "thud" sound each time. In another cut, the fight could suddenly stop, then the door opens slightly, a bloody arm reaches out to turn on the bathroom light, pulls back in. Then the guy screams "Sweet God in heaven!", then the door shuts abruptly and the fighting continues. __________________ A plan is just a list of things that don't happen. Last edited by Bob Biter; 06-09-2005 at 05:02 PM..

06-11-2005, 12:02 PM	#3 (permalink)
KungFuGuy Insane	those are really good suggestions bob, thanks. especially the "dragon punch!" maybe some "hadoken's" while i'm at it ^_^

06-11-2005, 05:05 PM	#4 (permalink)
saut Registered User Location: Pittsburgh	Those are some awesomely funny ideas Bob.