duckznutz

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icons put your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on your cable on the gable at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel to another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM,
Quickly turn off your computer and be sure to tell your mom!

__________________
Where your talents and the needs of the world cross . . there lies your vocation.

toilet_duck

duckznutz -

Thanks for sharing that, it's great! I love the use of terminology and acronyms. Big thumbs up for ya.

__________________
Student Extraordinaire[/FONT]

"The only difference between God and Adolf Hitler
is that God is more proficient at genocide."

NegativeNine

I LOLed and ROFLed continuously throughout that... thanks for posting it

DEI37

Oh my word, is that ever funny!

__________________
Generally speaking, if you were to get what you really deserve, you might be unpleasantly surprised.

maleficent

There's a lengthier version of that one.... written in '95

What If Dr. Seuss Wrote Technical Manuals?
Author: Gene Ziegler
A Grandchild's Guide to Using Grandpa's Computer

Bits Bytes Chips Clocks
Bits in bytes on chips in box.
Bytes with bits and chips with clocks.
Chips in box on ether-docks.


Chips with bits come. Chips with bytes come.
Chips with bits and bytes and clocks come.


Look, sir. Look, sir. read the book, sir.
Let's do tricks with bits and bytes, sir.
Let's do tricks with chips and clocks, sir.


First, I'll make a quick trick bit stack.
Then I'll make a quick trick byte stack.
You can make a quick trick chip stack.
You can make a quick trick clock stack.


And here's a new trick on the scene.
Bits in bytes for your machine.
Bytes in words to fill your screen.


Now we come to ticks and tocks, sir.
Try to say this by the clock, sir.


Clocks on chips tick.
Clocks on chips tock.
Eight byte bits tick.
Eight bit bytes tock.
Clocks on chips with eight bit bytes tick.
Chips with clocks and eight byte bits tock.


Here's an easy game to play.
Here's an easy thing to say....


If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!


If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!


You can't say this? What a shame sir!
We'll find you another game sir.


If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!


When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!

__________________

maleficent

I have no idea where I got this one - but it follows along on the Dr Seuss theme...
I am spam.

Spam-I-am.

That Spam-I-am.
That Spam-I-am.
I do not like
That Spam-I-am.

Do you like
E-mail spam?

I do not like it,
Spam-I-am.
I do not like
your E-mail Spam.

Would you like it here
or there?

I would not like it.
here or there.
I would not like it
anywhere.
I do not like
your e-mail spam.
I do not like it
Spam-I-am.

Would you like it
if it's lewd?
Would you like it
in the nude?

I would not like it
if it's lewd.
I would not like it
in the nude.
I would not like it
here or there.
I would not like it
anywhere.
I do not like
your e-mail spam.
I do not like it
Spam-I-am.

Would you want it
at your ISP?
Would you want it
'cause it's free?

Not at my ISP.
Not even when it's free.
Not if it's lewd.
Not in the nude.
I would not like it
here or there.
I would not like it
anywhere.
I do not like
your e-mail spam.
I do not like it.
Spam-I-am.

Would you? Could you?
From afar?
Take them! Take them!
Here they are.

I would not,
could not,
from afar.

You will like them.
You wil see.
You will like them.
You'll buy from me!

I would not, could not buy from thee.
Not from afar! You let me be.
Not at my ISP.
Not even when it's free.
Not if its lewd.
Not in the nude.
I would not like it here or there.
I would not like it anywhere.
I do not like your e-mail spam.
I do not like it Spam-I-am.

A bunch! A bunch!
A bunch! A bunch!
Could you, would you,
love a bunch?

Not in a bunch! I'll not buy from thee!
Not from afar! Spam! Let me Be!
Not at my ISP.
Not even when it's free.
Not if its lewd.
Not in the nude.
I would not like it here or there.
I would not like it anywhere.
I do not like your e-mail spam.
I do not like it Spam-I-am.

Say!
On a lark?
Here on a lark!
Would you read it on a lark?

I would not read it
on a lark?

Would you, could you
think again?

I would not, could not, think again.
Not in a bunch! I'll not buy from thee!
Not from afar! Not at my ISP.
I do not like it, Spam, you see.
Not even when it's free.
Not if its lewd.
Not in the nude.
I would not like it here or there.
I would not like it anywhere.
I do not like your e-mail spam.
I do not like it Spam-I-am.

Would you, could you,
A pyramid scheme?

I would not, could not,
a pyramid scheme!

Would you, could you,
something really obscene?

I could not, would not, something really obscene.
Will not, will not, a pyramid scheme.
I will not read it on a lark.
I will not, will not think again.
Not in a bunch! I'll not buy from thee!
Not from afar! Not at my ISP.
Not even when it's free.
Not if its lewd.
Not in the nude.
I would not like it here or there.
I would not like it anywhere.
I do not like your e-mail spam.
I do not like it Spam-I-am.

You do not like it,
so you say.
Read it! Read it!
And you may.
Read it and you may, I say.

Spam!
If you will let me be,
I will try it,
You will see.

Say!
I do detest your e-mail spam!
I do! I hate it! Spam-I-am!
I really hate you, and your floozie!
I will hunt you with an Uzi!
I do not want that something really obscene!
I do not want your pyramid scheme!
They should take you to the deck!
And once there... should stretch your neck!
You are so evil, so evil, you see!
Get thee Satan away from me!
If I could find you and your ISP,
I would piddle in your shoes and on your knee!
I find you crude!
I find you rude!
I do not like you here or there.
I would not like you anywhere.
I do not like your e-mail spam.
Death to you
Death to you
Spam-I-am.

__________________

blackjack

hehe...very funny

absorbentishe

Those are all great!

Byzantium

I loved the Spam-I-AM. Heres another Seuss one but about Star Treck that i found a while back.

If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek


Body :
think Green eggs and ham when you read this....



Picard: Sigma Indri, that's the star,

So, Data, please, how far? How far?

Data: Our ship can get there very fast

But still the trip will last and last

We'll have two days til we arrive

But can the Indrans there survive?

Picard: LaForge, please give us factor nine.

LaForge: But, sir, the engines are offline!

Picard: Offline! But why? I want to go!

Please make it so, please make it so!

Riker: But sir, if Geordi says we can't,

We can't, we mustn't, and we shan't,

The danger here is far too great!

Picard: But surely we must not be late!

Troi: I'm sensing anger and great ire.

Computer: Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire!

Picard: The ship's on fire? How could this be?

Who lit the fire?

Riker: Not me.

Worf: Not me.

Picard: Computer, how long til we die?

Computer: Eight minutes left to say goodbye.

Data: May I suggest a course to take?

We could, I think, quite safely make

Extinguishers from tractor beams

And stop the fire, or so it seems...

Geordi: Hurray! Hurray! You've saved the day!

Again I say, Hurray! Hurray!

Picard: Mr. Data, thank you much.

You've saved our lives, our ship, and such.

Troi: We still must save the Indran planet --

Data: Which (by the way) is made of granite...

Picard: Enough, you android. Please desist.

We understand -- we get your gist.

But can we get our ship to go?

Please, make it so, PLEASE make it so.

Geordi: There's sabotage among the wires

And that's what started all the fires.

Riker: We have a saboteur? Oh, no!

We need to go! We need to go!

Troi: We must seek out the traitor spy

And lock him up and ask him why?

Worf: Ask him why? How sentimental.

I say give him problems dental.

Troi: Are any Romulan ships around?

Have scanners said that they've been found?

Or is it Borg or some new threat

We haven't even heard of yet?

I sense no malice in this crew.

Now what are we supposed to do?

Crusher: Captain, please, the Indrans need us.

They cry out, ''Help us, clothe us, feed us!''

I can't just sit and let them die!

A doctor MUST attempt -- MUST try!

Picard: Doctor, please, we'll get there soon.

Crusher: They may be dead by Tuesday noon.

*COMMERCIAL BREAK, COMMERCIAL BREAK

HOW LONG WILL THESE DUMB ADS TAKE?*

Worf: The saboteur is in the brig.

He's very strong and very big.

I had my phaser set on stun --

A zzzip! A zzzap! Another one!

He would not budge, he would not fall,

He would not stun, no, not at all!

He changed into a stranger form

All soft and purple, round and warm.

Picard: Did you see this, Mr. Worf?

Did you see this creature morph?

Worf: I did and then I beat him fairly.

Hit him on the jaw -- quite squarely.

Riker: My commendations, Klingon friend!

Our troubles now are at an end!

Crusher: Now let's get our ship to fly

And orbit yonder Indran sky!

Picard: LaForge, please tell me we can go...?

Geordi: Yes, sir, we can.

Picard: Then make it so!



Author Unknown