8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter
 

I don't watch this show a whole lot, and I often ask people exactly what the 8 simple rules are. I just found out that the show is loosely based on a book by W. Bruce Cameron where he lays them out. In case any of you were wondering...

-Mikey

The Rules themselves get a chuckle, but I loathe the show.

Loathe it with a PASSION

the chick that plays ritters oldest daughter is a fox though...how old is she? late teens-early twenties? either way....beautiful.

The oldest daughter makes my pants wet.

Kaley Cuoco is 18.

The funny thing is that the younger daughter (Amy Davidson) is 23 :)

LEGAL!

now that was pretty funny.. thanks! I don't watch the show often once in a while because of John Ritter. He's the voice of Clifford the Big Red Dog, which my wife works on and speaks to him every so often, so occassionally she wants to see what he's doing on air.

HAHAHA....I am going to have adopt those rules for my daughter...I guess I should get a daughter first though, huh....hilarious post thanks...:-)

Last rule " I have a shotgun, a shovel, and twenty acres....you won't be missed"

I saw the show a couple of times. The oldest one is hot but underage (16). The middle one is really 23?

The rendition of that saying that I have heard is "I have a shotgun, and a shovel. And nobody looks for losers"

Great 8 rules though.

Hehehe. I like that!

i love this. hillarious!

I like it, printed it and put it close to the door so there will be NO misunderstanding for the boys that come in! haha

I was given similar rules. I now walk with limp, talk with a lisp and friends call me Lefty

Whoa...Thats harsh man.

the older chick on that show is really hot

sounds like my father-in-law

Daddy's Rules
 

[reposted]

*DADDY'S TEN RULES OF DATING*


Rule One:

If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a
package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:

You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so
long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep
your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:

I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear
their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips.
Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are
complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this
issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your
underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object.
However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off
during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric
nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:

I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a
"Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it
comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:

It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other,
we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please
do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication
of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the
only word I need from you on this subject is: "early"

Rule Six:

I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date
other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter.
Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue
to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her
cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:

As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and
more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on
time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on
her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate
Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful,
like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:

The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden
stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing,
holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm
enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff
T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down
parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual
theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey
games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:

Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged,
dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the
all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are
going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole
truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five
acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.


Rule Ten:

Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the
sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice
paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my
head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my
daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the
car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce
in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early,
then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The
camouflaged face at the window is mine.

That's absolutely hilarious! My daughter is only 5 at this time, but I am definately printing this one out and saving it in my gun safe! I should probably start going back to the range at this point. Nothing worse that missing on the first shot and having that little baggy pants bastard get away!

I love these!!! I first saw them a couple of years ago, and they are soooo funny. And I totally agree with every one of them. When I have a daughter, they will be posted beside the front door.

Classic one!

If I ever end up having a daughter, when she brings home her first guy I will seriously print that and give that to him just to see the look on his face. :D

These are actually the "Eight Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter" that the TV show is based on. They're from a book of the same name written by the creator of the show, W. Bruce Cameron. The last two have apparently been added by someone else.


-Mikey

I am already planning my (future) daughters first date:

My wife lets the boyfriend in while my daughter is getting ready, so I make small talk to entertain him...While I am cleaning all my guns on the kitchen table.

very funny!

Oh man, I remember most of that stuff happening from my dating-with-father-around days. Horrible, horrible things.

::groans:: ::slithers away into a dark crevice::

i love osama parodies. he looks so funny in that turbin holding those two dicks. Really, I mean cmon, he just lends himself to comedy

Good rules.
Haven't seen the show (I try not to watch a lot of t.v.), but it doesn't look good.

Remember when John Ritter was funny? Jack Tripper? Oh yeah... good stuff. That Mr. Furley guy was the best, too.

great rules..... i like the show but we don't get it anymore here in australia
 

great rules..... i like the show but we don't get it anymore here in australia

Amen !!!!

:D

I think my gf's father has had this one scripted.. :D

bloody funny

I raised 3 girls using basically the same set of rules.

It never hurts to show the boys your gun collection.

That tattoo you got at the last "Bikers from Hell" convention.

Remind them that "I am much prouder of my daughters virginity than she is".

Many of these young men still call me Sir when they see me.

I sent an email to the Author of these rules just to get a rise out of him. I told him if my boy came home and told me that the father of his date threatened to kill him, even in jest, I would have him jailed. I was amazed the debate I got into with this guy. He seemed to think that threatening bodily harm on someone was protected by the first ammendment even if it wasnt in jest. I encouraged him to call hi local POlice departmetn and ask. He did and informed I was correct about my statement but never did change his rules.

this totally reminds me, my prom date's dad is this gigantic guy who owns like 10 guns and does NOT joke around, and who, thankfully for me, really, really likes having me around. a few years ago though, a guy came to pick up his daughter (my prom date) to go out, and her dad, being who he is, asks, "how far do you intend to try and get with my daughter?" the kid, being an utter imbecile (i actually know him), looks him straight in the eye and for some reason says "third base". her dad looks down at him, grins, then turns to his wife and asks her to go get his shotgun, he turn back to him, now stone-faced and says. "i'll give you five seconds". the kid looks at him incredulously and runs out. true story.

At least we can still go to the Hockey game!

I have a 12 year old daughter and plan on printing and posting these next to the front door for all her dates to see.

I've seen this before but it's still a good laugh :D