05-06-2003, 04:29 PM | #1 (permalink) | |
Squid
Location: USS George Washington
|
8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter
I don't watch this show a whole lot, and I often ask people exactly what the 8 simple rules are. I just found out that the show is loosely based on a book by W. Bruce Cameron where he lays them out. In case any of you were wondering...
Quote:
|
|
05-07-2003, 05:51 AM | #7 (permalink) |
Tilted Cat Head
Administrator
Location: Manhattan, NY
|
now that was pretty funny.. thanks! I don't watch the show often once in a while because of John Ritter. He's the voice of Clifford the Big Red Dog, which my wife works on and speaks to him every so often, so occassionally she wants to see what he's doing on air.
__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. |
05-07-2003, 10:37 PM | #11 (permalink) | |
Insane
Location: Miami, FL
|
Quote:
Great 8 rules though.
__________________
Looking for answers to questions that can't be answered. |
|
05-08-2003, 12:00 AM | #12 (permalink) | |
Insane
Location: Trapped in the depths of my mind
|
Quote:
__________________
Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today. |
|
05-08-2003, 07:40 AM | #13 (permalink) |
Junkie
Location: The True North Strong and Free!
|
i love this. hillarious!
__________________
"It is impossible to obtain a conviction for sodomy from an English jury. Half of them don't believe that it can physically be done, and the other half are doing it." Winston Churchill |
05-10-2003, 12:04 AM | #16 (permalink) | |
Hiding Out
|
Quote:
Whoa...Thats harsh man.
__________________
Say yes to the 'Tilted Roleplaying' Forum http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1932&highlight=petition |
|
07-25-2003, 04:59 AM | #19 (permalink) |
Crazy
|
Daddy's Rules
[reposted]
*DADDY'S TEN RULES OF DATING* Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early" Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. |
07-25-2003, 06:04 AM | #20 (permalink) |
Psycho
|
That's absolutely hilarious! My daughter is only 5 at this time, but I am definately printing this one out and saving it in my gun safe! I should probably start going back to the range at this point. Nothing worse that missing on the first shot and having that little baggy pants bastard get away!
|
07-25-2003, 06:37 AM | #21 (permalink) |
Overreactor
Location: South Ca'lina
|
I love these!!! I first saw them a couple of years ago, and they are soooo funny. And I totally agree with every one of them. When I have a daughter, they will be posted beside the front door.
__________________
"I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request." - Capt. Barbossa |
07-25-2003, 09:13 AM | #24 (permalink) |
Squid
Location: USS George Washington
|
These are actually the "Eight Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter" that the TV show is based on. They're from a book of the same name written by the creator of the show, W. Bruce Cameron. The last two have apparently been added by someone else.
-Mikey Last edited by JadziaDax; 08-28-2003 at 05:02 AM.. |
07-25-2003, 04:30 PM | #25 (permalink) |
Eccentric insomniac
Location: North Carolina
|
I am already planning my (future) daughters first date:
My wife lets the boyfriend in while my daughter is getting ready, so I make small talk to entertain him...While I am cleaning all my guns on the kitchen table.
__________________
"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill "All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence |
08-28-2003, 08:27 AM | #35 (permalink) |
I aim to misbehave!
Location: SW Oklahoma
|
I raised 3 girls using basically the same set of rules.
It never hurts to show the boys your gun collection. That tattoo you got at the last "Bikers from Hell" convention. Remind them that "I am much prouder of my daughters virginity than she is". Many of these young men still call me Sir when they see me.
__________________
Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, Jesus Christ and the American G. I. One died for your soul, the other for your freedom |
08-28-2003, 09:18 AM | #36 (permalink) |
Upright
|
I sent an email to the Author of these rules just to get a rise out of him. I told him if my boy came home and told me that the father of his date threatened to kill him, even in jest, I would have him jailed. I was amazed the debate I got into with this guy. He seemed to think that threatening bodily harm on someone was protected by the first ammendment even if it wasnt in jest. I encouraged him to call hi local POlice departmetn and ask. He did and informed I was correct about my statement but never did change his rules.
|
08-29-2003, 12:24 AM | #37 (permalink) |
Omnipotent Ruler Of The Tiny Universe In My Mind
Location: Oreegawn
|
this totally reminds me, my prom date's dad is this gigantic guy who owns like 10 guns and does NOT joke around, and who, thankfully for me, really, really likes having me around. a few years ago though, a guy came to pick up his daughter (my prom date) to go out, and her dad, being who he is, asks, "how far do you intend to try and get with my daughter?" the kid, being an utter imbecile (i actually know him), looks him straight in the eye and for some reason says "third base". her dad looks down at him, grins, then turns to his wife and asks her to go get his shotgun, he turn back to him, now stone-faced and says. "i'll give you five seconds". the kid looks at him incredulously and runs out. true story.
__________________
Words of Wisdom: If you could really get to know someone and know that they weren't lying to you, then you would know the world was real. Because you could agree on things, you could compare notes. That must be why people get married or make Art. So they'll be able to really know something and not go insane. |
Tags |
dating, daughter, rules, simple, teenage |
|
|