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05-05-2003, 08:11 AM
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#1 (permalink) |
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I aim to misbehave!
Location: SW Oklahoma
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Rules for entering Oklahoma
The following list of rules applies to each person as they enter Okla..
Learn 'em & remember 'em. 1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot. 2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road". I drive a pickup truck because I need to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way. 3. They are pigs, cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-40 goes east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one. 4. So you have a $60,000 dollar car. We're impressed. We have quarter-million dollar air conditioned tractors that we drive 3 weeks a year. 5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept. 6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time. 7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawdads. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop. 8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November. 9. We open doors for women. That is applied to everyone, regardless of age. 10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey. 11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Pace Piquant Sauce. 12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair. 13. High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch. 14. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish. 15. Colleges? Try Okla. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays. 16. We have more folks in the Navy, Army, Marines, and Air Force than any other state, so "Don't Mess with Okla." If you do, it will get your butt kicked by the best. 17. Always remember what our great governor E.W. Marland once said: "Okla can make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without Okla!" GOD BLESS OKLA !!!
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Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, Jesus Christ and the American G. I. One died for your soul, the other for your freedom |
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05-06-2003, 07:19 AM
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#4 (permalink) |
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Insane
Location: Up my ass
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Funny stuff.
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Alice, that dog has been licking his own asshole for three hours. I would venture to say that there is nothing there that requires more than an hour's attention. So I would suggest that whatever he's attempting to dislodge is either gone for good....or there to stay. -The Long Kiss Goodnight_ |
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05-08-2003, 10:45 AM
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#8 (permalink) |
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can't help but laugh
Location: dar al-harb
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Good times...
Good ol' Oklahoma. I've lived in 6-7 states, Oklahoma is far and away my favorite.
My favorite one is about people saying HI to eachother in trucks. I think the American south/midwest has got to be one of the friendliest places in the world. Everytime i've been to Europe or the North American coasts, people give you an odd look if you say HI. (They think you even odder if you shoot'em a Howdy) I just realized that "far and away" is a play on words... if you've seen the movie. Good times... |
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| Tags |
| entering, oklahoma, rules |
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