Why my ancestors left the British Isles - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

archer2371 · 08-16-2003, 07:26 PM

This is a stand up routine I created and did in an Irish accent, hope y'all enjoy it.

Did you know that the entire history of the British Isles can be linked to its weather? Let's start with the Druids first. You think they were the only ones walkin around with cloaks on? Hell no! We all wore cloaks, the Druids were just really fucking creepy! Why do you think that the United Kingdom and Ireland have such lush green grass, and beautiful forests? Cause it rains all the damn time. That's why Henry V invaded France, not just because we thought the French were nothing but a sorry bunch of yellow bellied cowards, no, he needed a place where he could go to sun himself, relax, and not worry so much and have so much stress that would eventually kill him. So the Crown turns to the New World, and you Americans are smart and say "Fuck off!!! You gotta pay us to get tan you uptight overbearing no good sunsabitches!! Not the other way around!" So we're left with nothin but bitterness towards every tan person we see or someone who doesn't get rained on at least once every three days. Now Ireland is worse, cause we had the Potato Famine, and we all know that there are two things that the Irish can't do without. And that's taties, and liquor. And plus it was raining, so we were even more miserable without our taties, sure we had our liquor, but that only gets you so far, till you have to wisen up and say "Fuck this!! I'm goin to America! Where it doesn't rain all the goddamn time!" And here's a secret, we don't keep the sheep around just for their wool, they keep the grass trim, what, you think we mow that shit?! You're fuckin crazy!!! So that's why my ancestors, and a good deal of yourn, came to America, not for high ideals, not for equality, but for a bit of goddamn sun!

shalafi · 08-17-2003, 11:57 AM

hehe i like that one

krwlz · 08-17-2003, 04:09 PM

As a fellow irishman....I realy like that man!!! Good job!

KellyC · 09-03-2003, 09:54 PM

reminds me of Robin william when he did HIS Irish jokes....funny!

08-16-2003, 07:26 PM	#1 (permalink)
archer2371 Sarge of Blood Gulch Red Outpost Number One Location: On the front lines against our very enemy	Why my ancestors left the British Isles This is a stand up routine I created and did in an Irish accent, hope y'all enjoy it. Did you know that the entire history of the British Isles can be linked to its weather? Let's start with the Druids first. You think they were the only ones walkin around with cloaks on? Hell no! We all wore cloaks, the Druids were just really fucking creepy! Why do you think that the United Kingdom and Ireland have such lush green grass, and beautiful forests? Cause it rains all the damn time. That's why Henry V invaded France, not just because we thought the French were nothing but a sorry bunch of yellow bellied cowards, no, he needed a place where he could go to sun himself, relax, and not worry so much and have so much stress that would eventually kill him. So the Crown turns to the New World, and you Americans are smart and say "Fuck off!!! You gotta pay us to get tan you uptight overbearing no good sunsabitches!! Not the other way around!" So we're left with nothin but bitterness towards every tan person we see or someone who doesn't get rained on at least once every three days. Now Ireland is worse, cause we had the Potato Famine, and we all know that there are two things that the Irish can't do without. And that's taties, and liquor. And plus it was raining, so we were even more miserable without our taties, sure we had our liquor, but that only gets you so far, till you have to wisen up and say "Fuck this!! I'm goin to America! Where it doesn't rain all the goddamn time!" And here's a secret, we don't keep the sheep around just for their wool, they keep the grass trim, what, you think we mow that shit?! You're fuckin crazy!!! So that's why my ancestors, and a good deal of yourn, came to America, not for high ideals, not for equality, but for a bit of goddamn sun! __________________ "This ain't no Ice Cream Social!" "Hey Grif, Chupathingy...how bout that? I like it...got a ring to it." "I have no earthly idea what it is I just saw, or what this place is, or where in the hell O'Malley is! My only choice is to blame Grif for coming up with such a flawed plan. Stupid, stupid Grif."

09-03-2003, 09:54 PM	#4 (permalink)
KellyC Comment or else!! Location: Home sweet home	reminds me of Robin william when he did HIS Irish jokes....funny! __________________ Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe? Me: Shit happens.

08-17-2003, 11:57 AM	#2 (permalink)
shalafi ARRRRRRRRRR Location: Stuart, Florida	hehe i like that one

08-17-2003, 04:09 PM	#3 (permalink)
krwlz Fledgling Dead Head Location: Clarkson U.	As a fellow irishman....I realy like that man!!! Good job!