Vanilla Puddings - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Tickford · 08-07-2003, 05:36 PM

This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article which
appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2.

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling
the
security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to
find
one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to
see
hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank. The robbers cracked the
first
safe's combination, and inside they found only a small bowl of vanilla
pudding. As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber
said, "At least we'll have a bit to eat." The robbers opened up a second
safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process
continued until all safes were opened. They did not find one pound
sterling,
a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered
bowls of pudding. Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each
leaving
with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach.

The newspaper headline read:
IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING...

Katyblu · 08-07-2003, 05:41 PM

Oh god that's gross.....ewwww! But that was funny! Once again stupid people showing off

PayUp · 08-07-2003, 06:13 PM

thats fucking classic

BadForm · 08-07-2003, 06:14 PM

I doubt that is really true but quite funny nonetheless.

Off to snopes.com now...

MikeyChalupa · 08-08-2003, 03:37 AM

Don't bother.

Sperm samples would be stored in a freezer at -196 C, (-328 F), not a safe.

-Mikey

zaiaz · 08-08-2003, 03:59 AM

Oh yuuucccckkk.....man thats just not right. Why you wanna go and put a bad taste in my mouth?

tfpfreak · 08-08-2003, 07:53 AM

OH MY GOD that is disgusting! Stupid criminals kill me

MikeyChalupa · 08-08-2003, 07:59 AM

Oh fine... here it is.

http://www.snopes.com/humor/jokes/sperm.htm

Quote:

Joke: Thieves mistakenly break into sperm bank and consume 'vanilla pudding' they find there.
Example: [Collected on the Internet, 1999]

This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2, 1999.
Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the internal security system got underway immediately.

The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash and valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered throughout the bank. The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a bowl of vanilla pudding.

As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, "At least we'll have a bit to eat." The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all the safes were opened.

They found not one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding.

Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach.

The newspaper headline read:

IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING.

Origins: Duh.
No, this didn't run in the Dublin Times, nor is it a real news story. This is simply a "dumb crooks" joke that plays on the duality of the word 'bank' being used to describe both a financial institution and a place where donated sperm is kept. It has been circulating on the Internet since at least late 1998, originally in a more generic version:

Some gangsters were thinking of robbing a bank. They thought of the best plan that could be made and started to work.
A day or two later they are able to get into the bank and found hundreds of safes. They opened the first safe, but the only thing they found in there was a vanilla pudding. The head gangster says, "Well, at least we can eat it." So they ate the pudding.

They opened up the second safe, but again there was just another pudding. They decided to devoured it, too. This process went on for the rest of the day, until all the safes were opened. There was no money or jewelry in any of them. "Well," they said, "at least there was something for us to eat."

The next day on the news, they heard, "Yesterday the biggest sperm bank in the USA was robbed . . ."

The joke soon mutated into versions featuring robbers belonging to groups typically used as the butts of jokes (e.g., blonde robbers, Irish robbers); the Irish version caught on, and the apocryphal "Dublin Times" citation was added later.

Sperm banks and "real" banks have little in common other than their mutual use of the word 'bank.' Although sperm banks may keep their deposits in locked containers for security and privacy reasons, those containers in no way resemble the vaults or safes used to protect more conventional valuables such as currency. Sperm samples also have to be maintained in refrigerated containers -- it would be a very dim crook indeed who didn't wonder why cash was being kept cold (or, more implausibly, why 'vanilla pudding' was being kept locked away). Sperm also isn't stored in "covered bowls" (or anything resembling bowls) but in individual test tube-like containers. And I have it on good authority that it's nothing like vanilla pudding, either in taste or in consistency.

Last updated: 30 January 2000

-Mikey

sipsake · 08-08-2003, 08:15 AM

Gotta love Snopes.com

iktoweya · 08-08-2003, 08:32 AM

im disgusted and yet still humored good one

TerresqueÜ · 08-08-2003, 11:55 AM

Hee hee hee, I love dumb criminals.

CSflim · 08-08-2003, 03:27 PM

Why do people have to ruin jokes by claiming they're true!?

OF COURSE its not fucking true!

Still, good joke though!

hawkeye · 08-08-2003, 10:02 PM

Wow. true or not, that's gonna stick in my head for an uncomfortably long time...

japzster · 08-09-2003, 12:03 AM

wow... how stupid can you be... those would have to be some TINY ass bowls of pudding

Regziever · 08-09-2003, 08:09 AM

Hehehe.. gross but funny! good post!

08-07-2003, 05:36 PM	#1 (permalink)
Tickford Insane Location: Australia	Vanilla Puddings This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2. Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank. The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a small bowl of vanilla pudding. As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, "At least we'll have a bit to eat." The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all safes were opened. They did not find one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding. Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach. The newspaper headline read: IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING... __________________ Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. Samuel Goldwyn

08-07-2003, 06:13 PM	#3 (permalink)
PayUp DILLIGAF Location: AZ	thats fucking classic __________________ Born to Lose.

08-08-2003, 03:59 AM	#6 (permalink)
zaiaz Psycho Location: State of confusion...wait that's medication.	Oh yuuucccckkk.....man thats just not right. Why you wanna go and put a bad taste in my mouth? __________________ Self destruction - "Its my Nature", said the Scorpion...

08-08-2003, 07:53 AM	#7 (permalink)
tfpfreak Crazy Location: MS	OH MY GOD that is disgusting! Stupid criminals kill me __________________ Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be. ~ Clementine Paddleford

08-08-2003, 08:15 AM	#9 (permalink)
sipsake Psycho Location: Memphis	Gotta love Snopes.com __________________ When life hands you a lemon, say "Oh yeah, I like lemons. What else you got?" Henry Rollins

08-07-2003, 05:41 PM	#2 (permalink)
Katyblu Crazy Location: Here and there and everywhere	Oh god that's gross.....ewwww! But that was funny! Once again stupid people showing off

08-07-2003, 06:14 PM	#4 (permalink)
BadForm Crazy Location: In an office with no windows	I doubt that is really true but quite funny nonetheless. Off to snopes.com now...

08-08-2003, 03:37 AM	#5 (permalink)
MikeyChalupa Squid Location: USS George Washington	Don't bother. Sperm samples would be stored in a freezer at -196 C, (-328 F), not a safe. -Mikey

08-08-2003, 08:32 AM	#10 (permalink)
iktoweya These pretzels are making me thirsty!! Location: 105B	im disgusted and yet still humored good one __________________ i miss K-Wise

08-08-2003, 11:55 AM	#11 (permalink)
TerresqueÜ Hiding Out	Hee hee hee, I love dumb criminals. __________________ Say yes to the 'Tilted Roleplaying' Forum http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1932&highlight=petition

08-08-2003, 03:27 PM	#12 (permalink)
CSflim Sky Piercer Location: Ireland	Why do people have to ruin jokes by claiming they're true!? OF COURSE its not fucking true! Still, good joke though! __________________

08-08-2003, 10:02 PM	#13 (permalink)
hawkeye back from sabbatical Location: Mosptopia	Wow. true or not, that's gonna stick in my head for an uncomfortably long time... __________________ You're not fat, You're just a giant ball of love, covered in anger.

08-09-2003, 12:03 AM	#14 (permalink)
japzster Upright	wow... how stupid can you be... those would have to be some TINY ass bowls of pudding

08-09-2003, 08:09 AM	#15 (permalink)
Regziever Sexy eh? Location: Sweden	Hehehe.. gross but funny! good post! __________________ Life is shit, Death is even worse, So what's the point of killing yourself? /Ignatius Camryn Paladine