Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > Interests > Tilted Humor


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 08-07-2003, 05:36 PM   #1 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Australia
Vanilla Puddings

This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article which
appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2.

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling
the
security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to
find
one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to
see
hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank. The robbers cracked the
first
safe's combination, and inside they found only a small bowl of vanilla
pudding. As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber
said, "At least we'll have a bit to eat." The robbers opened up a second
safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process
continued until all safes were opened. They did not find one pound
sterling,
a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered
bowls of pudding. Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each
leaving
with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach.

The newspaper headline read:
IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING...
__________________
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.

Samuel Goldwyn
Tickford is offline  
Old 08-07-2003, 05:41 PM   #2 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Here and there and everywhere
Oh god that's gross.....ewwww! But that was funny! Once again stupid people showing off
Katyblu is offline  
Old 08-07-2003, 06:13 PM   #3 (permalink)
DILLIGAF
 
PayUp's Avatar
 
Location: AZ
thats fucking classic
__________________
Born to Lose.
PayUp is offline  
Old 08-07-2003, 06:14 PM   #4 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: In an office with no windows
I doubt that is really true but quite funny nonetheless.

Off to snopes.com now...
BadForm is offline  
Old 08-08-2003, 03:37 AM   #5 (permalink)
Squid
 
MikeyChalupa's Avatar
 
Location: USS George Washington
Don't bother.

Sperm samples would be stored in a freezer at -196 C, (-328 F), not a safe.

-Mikey
MikeyChalupa is offline  
Old 08-08-2003, 03:59 AM   #6 (permalink)
Psycho
 
zaiaz's Avatar
 
Location: State of confusion...wait that's medication.
Oh yuuucccckkk.....man thats just not right. Why you wanna go and put a bad taste in my mouth?
__________________
Self destruction - "Its my Nature", said the Scorpion...
zaiaz is offline  
Old 08-08-2003, 07:53 AM   #7 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: MS
OH MY GOD that is disgusting! Stupid criminals kill me
__________________
Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be.

~ Clementine Paddleford
tfpfreak is offline  
Old 08-08-2003, 07:59 AM   #8 (permalink)
Squid
 
MikeyChalupa's Avatar
 
Location: USS George Washington
Oh fine... here it is.

http://www.snopes.com/humor/jokes/sperm.htm

Quote:
Joke: Thieves mistakenly break into sperm bank and consume 'vanilla pudding' they find there.
Example: [Collected on the Internet, 1999]


This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2, 1999.
Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the internal security system got underway immediately.

The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash and valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered throughout the bank. The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a bowl of vanilla pudding.

As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, "At least we'll have a bit to eat." The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all the safes were opened.

They found not one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding.

Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach.

The newspaper headline read:

IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING.

Origins: Duh.
No, this didn't run in the Dublin Times, nor is it a real news story. This is simply a "dumb crooks" joke that plays on the duality of the word 'bank' being used to describe both a financial institution and a place where donated sperm is kept. It has been circulating on the Internet since at least late 1998, originally in a more generic version:


Some gangsters were thinking of robbing a bank. They thought of the best plan that could be made and started to work.
A day or two later they are able to get into the bank and found hundreds of safes. They opened the first safe, but the only thing they found in there was a vanilla pudding. The head gangster says, "Well, at least we can eat it." So they ate the pudding.

They opened up the second safe, but again there was just another pudding. They decided to devoured it, too. This process went on for the rest of the day, until all the safes were opened. There was no money or jewelry in any of them. "Well," they said, "at least there was something for us to eat."

The next day on the news, they heard, "Yesterday the biggest sperm bank in the USA was robbed . . ."

The joke soon mutated into versions featuring robbers belonging to groups typically used as the butts of jokes (e.g., blonde robbers, Irish robbers); the Irish version caught on, and the apocryphal "Dublin Times" citation was added later.

Sperm banks and "real" banks have little in common other than their mutual use of the word 'bank.' Although sperm banks may keep their deposits in locked containers for security and privacy reasons, those containers in no way resemble the vaults or safes used to protect more conventional valuables such as currency. Sperm samples also have to be maintained in refrigerated containers -- it would be a very dim crook indeed who didn't wonder why cash was being kept cold (or, more implausibly, why 'vanilla pudding' was being kept locked away). Sperm also isn't stored in "covered bowls" (or anything resembling bowls) but in individual test tube-like containers. And I have it on good authority that it's nothing like vanilla pudding, either in taste or in consistency.

Last updated: 30 January 2000


-Mikey
MikeyChalupa is offline  
Old 08-08-2003, 08:15 AM   #9 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: Memphis
Gotta love Snopes.com
__________________
When life hands you a lemon, say "Oh yeah, I like lemons. What else you got?"

Henry Rollins
sipsake is offline  
Old 08-08-2003, 08:32 AM   #10 (permalink)
These pretzels are making me thirsty!!
 
iktoweya's Avatar
 
Location: 105B
im disgusted and yet still humored good one
__________________
i miss K-Wise
iktoweya is offline  
Old 08-08-2003, 11:55 AM   #11 (permalink)
Hiding Out
 
Hee hee hee, I love dumb criminals.
__________________
Say yes to the 'Tilted Roleplaying' Forum

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1932&highlight=petition
TerresqueÜ is offline  
Old 08-08-2003, 03:27 PM   #12 (permalink)
Sky Piercer
 
CSflim's Avatar
 
Location: Ireland
Why do people have to ruin jokes by claiming they're true!?

OF COURSE its not fucking true!

Still, good joke though!
__________________
CSflim is offline  
Old 08-08-2003, 10:02 PM   #13 (permalink)
back from sabbatical
 
hawkeye's Avatar
 
Location: Mosptopia
Wow. true or not, that's gonna stick in my head for an uncomfortably long time...
__________________
You're not fat,
You're just a giant ball
of love, covered in anger.
hawkeye is offline  
Old 08-09-2003, 12:03 AM   #14 (permalink)
Upright
 
wow... how stupid can you be... those would have to be some TINY ass bowls of pudding
japzster is offline  
Old 08-09-2003, 08:09 AM   #15 (permalink)
Sexy eh?
 
Location: Sweden
Hehehe.. gross but funny! good post!
__________________
Life is shit,
Death is even worse,
So what's the point of killing yourself?
/Ignatius Camryn Paladine
Regziever is offline  
 

Tags
puddings, vanilla


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 06:54 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360