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08-05-2003, 12:02 AM
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#1 (permalink) |
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Crazy
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AirTraffic Contoller
While taxiing at LaGuardia the crew of a US Air flight departing for
Ft.Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C's and D's, but get it right!" Continuing her tirade to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God, you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?" "Yes ma'am," the humbled PIC responded. Naturally the ground control frequency went terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at LGA was running high. Then an unknown pilot broke the silence and asked, Wasn't I married to you once?" |
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08-18-2003, 08:37 AM
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#11 (permalink) |
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Insane
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Air Traffic Conversations
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
============================================================ From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...in bored!" Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!" Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...in stupid!" ============================================================ Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7" Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway." Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?" Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers" ========================================================== The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206". Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway." Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?" Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now." Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?" Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944 -- but I didn't land." ============================================================ O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound." United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight." ============================================================ A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following: Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?" Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English." Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?" Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war." ============================================================= Last edited by JadziaDax; 11-03-2003 at 02:59 AM.. |
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08-18-2003, 04:32 PM
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#17 (permalink) |
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Banned
Location: Scotland
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Yeah, "Twice in 1944... But I didn't land" does it for me.
Gotta add one - from the good old days of Concord: Tower: Speedbird 001 confirm your touchdown. For your information you were a little to the left of the centreline on on touchdown. Concord Pilot: I concur... And my co-pilot was a little to the right of the centreline. |
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08-18-2003, 05:15 PM
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#19 (permalink) |
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Curious
Location: NJ (but just for college)
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o man those are classic, the last one had me laughin out loud!
miked yours was good too, what a way to respond! there was something like this once, except it was the stewardess talking to the cabin... id like to see if someone could bring that up |
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08-18-2003, 05:19 PM
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#20 (permalink) |
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Curious
Location: NJ (but just for college)
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reminded me of this: most of you have probly seen it, but i got a kick out of it my first time... im pretty sure its true
___ Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: "Change your course ten degrees east." The light signals back: "Change yours, ten degres west." Angry, the captain sends: "I'm a Navy captain! Change your course, sir!" "I'm a seaman, second class," comes the reply. "Change your course, sir." Now the captain is furious. "I'm a battleship! I'm not changing course!" There's one last reply. "I'm a lighthouse. Your call." |
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| airtraffic, contoller |
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good stuff all around though.
