AirTraffic Contoller
 

While taxiing at LaGuardia the crew of a US Air flight departing for
Ft.Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.

The irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew,
screaming: "US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn
right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right
there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between
C's and D's, but get it right!"

Continuing her tirade to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
hysterically: "God, you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever
to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell
you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half
an hour and
I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell
you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes ma'am," the humbled PIC responded.

Naturally the ground control frequency went terribly silent after
the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at LGA was running high. Then an unknown pilot broke the silence and asked, Wasn't I married to you once?"

Just goes to show you should give a woman power

Hahahaha!!! good one!

haha

and he was too!

lol...good one...thanks!

hahahah

Lol, i can imagine her going apeshit again...

Hahaha, good one. Gotta love those cocky guys while they're still alive :)

Now thats funny

Air Traffic Conversations
 

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
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From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...in bored!"

Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"

Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...in stupid!"
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Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers"
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The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206".

Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."

Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944 -- but I didn't land."
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O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."

United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."
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A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."
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I like the last one the best, how would the german guy respond to that one, lol :D good stuff all around though.

Very humorous, and much more so because they are true. Nice grab.

#5 was the best hehe.. Twice but i didn't land hehehe!!!

I can't stop laughin at the fokker one....that's great. Thanks for the grab.

funny stuff !!! I also like the one where the pilot didnt land!!!

Yeah, "Twice in 1944... But I didn't land" does it for me.

Gotta add one - from the good old days of Concord:

Tower: Speedbird 001 confirm your touchdown. For your information you were a little to the left of the centreline on on touchdown.

Concord Pilot: I concur... And my co-pilot was a little to the right of the centreline.

lol

o man those are classic, the last one had me laughin out loud!

miked yours was good too, what a way to respond!

there was something like this once, except it was the stewardess talking to the cabin... id like to see if someone could bring that up

reminded me of this: most of you have probly seen it, but i got a kick out of it my first time... im pretty sure its true

___
Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal:
"Change your course ten degrees east."
The light signals back: "Change yours, ten degres west."
Angry, the captain sends: "I'm a Navy captain! Change your course, sir!"
"I'm a seaman, second class," comes the reply. "Change your course, sir."
Now the captain is furious. "I'm a battleship! I'm not changing course!"
There's one last reply. "I'm a lighthouse. Your call."

Now that's what I needed to cheer me up! I was feeling kinda crappy tonight so came in here for a laugh. This thread did the trick! Very funny!

Those are some great conversations. Thanks!

Love it!!! I've got the little Fokker in site.

Ah, I can't decide which of the two 'englishman' ones I like better - gotta love the english. :-)

LOL!!! Love them all! Thanks!

You just made my day

I've seen these before, but they are well worth the repeat