uncle phil

1. The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps. They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

2. How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer? She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.

3. How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other.

4. How many lawyer jokes are there? Only One. The rest are true stories.

5. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford?

6. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.

7. If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could save only one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

8. What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue.

9. What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet.

10. What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator.

11. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50 ? Your honor.

12. What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners.

13. What does a lawyer use for birth control? His personality.

14. What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer? Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.

15. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

16. What's another difference between a lawyer and a vulture? Removable wing tips.

17. Why does California have the most lawyers in the country while New Jersey has the most toxic waste sites? New Jersey got first choice.

18. What do you get if you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked politician? Chelsea Clinton.

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- Robert S. McNamara
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"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
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never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Brewmaniac

These are great! Thanks

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"That's a joke... I say, that's a joke, son"

johnnymysto

Excellent collection of lawyer jokes! I have to pass these on!!

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mpedrummer2

#18 is awesome.

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My sig can beat up your honor student.

PayUp

some good ones in ther!, thanks

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Born to Lose.

Regziever

Awesome collection!

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Life is shit,
Death is even worse,
So what's the point of killing yourself?
/Ignatius Camryn Paladine

TerresqueÜ

So funny, so true.

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Garbalo69

lmao.

"How many lawyers does it take to screw on a light bulb? How many can you afford?"

Beautiful.

rundmv

funny

gfandy

Couldn’t resist resurrecting this thread …

What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A tick falls off of you when you die.

What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
Not enough sand.

What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A Doberman.

What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?
Lipstick.

If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?
It might be your bicycle.

drewg

hahaha good ones gfandy

Root_Beer_Man

hehe....heck ill bite

What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottem of the sea?
A good start.

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archer2371

Sweet.

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"Hey Grif, Chupathingy...how bout that? I like it...got a ring to it."

"I have no earthly idea what it is I just saw, or what this place is, or where in the hell O'Malley is! My only choice is to blame Grif for coming up with such a flawed plan. Stupid, stupid Grif."

Flesh

hahaha good stuff

d4in

#7 was good too

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