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Old 08-25-2010, 01:49 AM   #1 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
uncle phil's Avatar
 
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Location: upstate
Need A Push?

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"

Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."

"What's that mean?" asked the child.

"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."

The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."

Dad said, "Bring Belle over here."

He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said "OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block."

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"

The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home."
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Old 08-25-2010, 11:14 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Location: UK
another "need a push" joke...


george is in bed with his wife and they've just finished having sex.
george rolls over and starts to go to sleep when he hears someone knocking on the door.
he doesnt want to go as its past midnight and he has a long day ahead of him in the morning.

the stranger shouts through the letterbox
"help, i stopped my car in a snowdrift and now i need a push"

george ignores it, thinking that the twat will go away, but his wife reminds him about the time a few years ago, when george's car broke down on the way to their first date, and how if he hadnt got a push from a stranger then, they wouldnt be together.

with his wife's karmic advice urging him on, george get out of bed and puts on his clothes, trudges down the stairs and opens the door.

the stranger is no-where to be seen, so he shouts "do you still need a push? i cant see anythign in this white-out"


"i'm over here on the swing"
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