dlish

ok, so he's been gone a few hours, and ive got the MJ jokes coming in thick and fast by SMS.

share your MJ jokes. Old and new. In living memory of MJ!

if you're easily offended, just remember..this IS the humour section.

This one's my favourite so far

Michael Jackson left it in his Will that he wasnt to be melted down and turned into a playstation so all the little kids will still play with him

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Punk.of.Ages

What do Michael Jackson and K-Mart have in common?




Little boys pants half off....

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"Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike

Shauk

so in timing with Michael Jackson dying, McDonalds is celebrating his life with the MJ burger,


it's 50 year old meat in between 10 year old buns



(horrible but I only laughed because of the association to mcd's)

uncle phil

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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
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We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
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never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

wooÐs

I can only think of jokes that work when you tell them irl. Typing them out doesn't make sense.

The_Jazz

I liked Fark's announcement that he was getting ready to film "Thriller 2, Electric Boogaloo".

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wooÐs

What does Michael Jackson love best about 27 year olds?
There are 20 of them.

Cynthetiq

how do you know it's time to go to bed in Michael Jackson's house?

the big hand touches the little hand...

what too soon?

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Baraka_Guru

Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett in the same day....

Two cultural icons....

"Farrackson" will be dearly missed.

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Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
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The_Jazz

Not exactly MJ but...

When the news about Michael came out, some friends and I immediately thought about celebrities and the rule of 3 (celebs always die in trios). Michael + Farrah + Ed McMahon = 3. But then someone brought up David Caradine and how no one else died when he did or how this made 4. That's when I said, "no, the rule of 3 still stands. Caradine's pride and dignity died at the same time."

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"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

Baraka_Guru

I don't normally like to kill jokes, but Koko "Queen of the Blues" Taylor and David Eddings died at around the same time as Carradine.

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

The_Jazz

Rain on my parade, why don't you?

Here's another attempt:

csi-michael-jackson-600x439.jpg

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

Baraka_Guru

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Glory's Sun

goddamn you Jazz I was about to post that.


When Farrah Fawcett arrived at heaven, God granted her one wish. She wished for all the children to be safe. So God killed Michael Jackson.

uncle phil

did anyone laugh at my post #4?

that was the funniest thing i could think of...

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

dlish

errr...actually.. NO!

am i missing something here? whats the catch?

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

Punk.of.Ages

Oh, fuck, Gucci...

That shit's rich.

I did. I'm not quite sure why I did though...

__________________
"The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager

"Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike

Shell

unc: ...no, but i'm laughing at your post #15

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wooÐs

What do Michael Jackson and St. Louis Cardinal fans have in common?
They both love Pujols.

---------- Post added at 11:55 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:49 AM ----------

Also, maybe they will reanimate his corpse for a one time only Thriller tour.

Zeraph

I was just wondering if the jokes would stop for a bit since he died...

Glory's Sun

well considering this thread was created after he died..

no.

telekinetic

Contrary to initial reports, Michael Jackson was not dead when he arrived at the hospital, however when he was being pushed through the children's ward, he reportedly had a quick stroke.

MJ requested that his remains were to be made into plastic bags, so he can still pose a threat to children.

Difference between MJ and Disney films? Disney films can still touch kids.

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twisted no more

thespian86

When they were talking about it on the news this morning I looked at Jenna and said "Jesus news, why don't you just BEAT IT to death". That got a few laughs.

also: "Sad news in the world of entertainment; Michael Jackson, the king of pop, has died of cardiac arrest. Jackson was 50. Initial reports coming in claim that he suffered a heart attack when he learned Boys II Men wasn't a delivery service."

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Glory's Sun

damn.. there is so much win in this thread..

Cynthetiq

no. I know that in that photo it's not time for bed because the big hand isn't touching the little hand.

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Daniel_

Apparently Gary Glitter was very happy to find that Michael has left him his photo albums in the will.

RIP, easy as 1, 2, 3...

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Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
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wooÐs

Not a joke but funny.

...and it might be pushing it. If so I apologize.

Crack

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Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

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Reese

So, Am I the only one that noticed in the CSI:Miami cartoon, he has his glasses on.. and he is putting another pair on...

I'd like to say I'm gonna miss David Eddings' writing but since his wife wrote like all of his books, I'm sure I won't notice.

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Crack

__________________
Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

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Baraka_Guru

Farrackson!

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

uncle phil

jeebus is weeping...

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

wooÐs

LOL

Halx

Michael Jackson will always be with us.

He is not biodegradable.

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Crack

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Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

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hunnychile

So I thought it was tasteless enough with what Michael Jackson’s last words were…


“Take me to Children’s Hospital”

But these ones make me feel downright angelic in comparison…

---------------------------------------------------
Jacko Memorial Joke 1

Reports of Michael Jackson having a heart
attack are incorrect.

He was found in the childrens ward having
a stroke.

Jacko Memorial Joke 2

Michael Jackson died of shock after finding out
Boyz II Men was a band not a delivery service.


Jacko Memorial Joke 3

Jockeys at tomorrow's race meetings will wear
black armbands out of respect for Michael Jackson,
who successfully rode more three yr olds than
anyone in living memory.

Jacko Memorial Joke 4

McDonald's are bringing out the Michael
Jackson tribute burger.
50 year old meat between two 7 year old buns.


Jacko Memorial Joke 5

Michael Jackson actually died of food poisoning.
He ate some 12 year old nuts.

...Er or was it a five-year old wiener?


Jacko Memorial Joke 6

50 kids have volunteered to identify the body
as they have first-hand experience of
seeing Michael Jackson stiff.

Jacko Memorial Joke 7

Michael Jackson's legal team announced that
he had agreed to be melted down by undertakers
to make plastic toys. So, kids can play with him for a change.


Jacko Memorial Joke 8

It has been reported on the "Angels News" Michael Jackson was refused entry to heaven due
to the fact they don’t accept plastic

---------- Post added at 06:36 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:28 PM ----------

Nope, no way...we're just getting warmed up!!

---------- Post added at 06:36 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:36 PM ----------

Nope, no way...we're just getting warmed up!!

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LoganSnake

I find it hilarious that this forum once had a specific rule about Michael Jackson jokes. I find it absurd that the jokes are okay now that he's dead.

Not that I cared about the rule in the first place, but this flip flopping killed me.

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Cynthetiq

there was?

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Punk.of.Ages

I didn't know there was ever a rule against Michael Jackson jokes...

I'm a rule breaker, anyhow.

__________________
"The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager

"Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike

wooÐs

Well I'm glad I wasn't a member back then.