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Old 06-08-2009, 07:11 AM   #1 (permalink)
part of the problem
 
squeeeb's Avatar
 
Location: hic et ubique
this is gonna offend someone

*looks both ways before asking in hushed tones*

what do you call a black guy flying a plane?
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a pilot, you fucking racist
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onward to mayhem!

Last edited by squeeeb; 06-08-2009 at 07:15 AM..
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Old 06-08-2009, 07:35 AM   #2 (permalink)
Sitting in a tree
 
Location: Atlanta
Aw, I thought this was gonna be good.



lol
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Old 06-08-2009, 08:35 AM   #3 (permalink)
Upright
 
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Location: Midwest
You're right; it offends me by not being funny.
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Old 06-09-2009, 02:11 AM   #4 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
uncle phil's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: upstate
oh ye of little sense of humor...
__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.
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Old 06-09-2009, 07:19 AM   #5 (permalink)
Junkie
 
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Location: Near Raleigh, NC
You have split my sides
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Old 06-09-2009, 08:47 AM   #6 (permalink)
I Confess a Shiver
 
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Brought to you by The Rev Jesse Jackson.
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Whatever you can carry.

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Old 06-09-2009, 11:17 PM   #7 (permalink)
Misanthropic
 
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Location: Ohio! yay!
I laughed.
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Old 06-10-2009, 03:08 AM   #8 (permalink)
Young Crumudgeon
 
Martian's Avatar
 
Location: Canada
Geez, tough crowd.

I chuckled.
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I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame
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Old 06-10-2009, 03:46 AM   #9 (permalink)
warrior bodhisattva
 
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Super Moderator
Location: East-central Canada
It's funny because the prime target is the listener. Some of the best humour comes out of that.
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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot
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Old 06-10-2009, 04:05 AM   #10 (permalink)
has all her shots.
 
mixedmedia's Avatar
 
Location: Florida
I know some people I'd like to use that on...
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Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce
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Old 08-04-2009, 12:33 PM   #11 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
uncle phil's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: upstate
Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem?
A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat...
__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.
uncle phil is offline  
Old 08-04-2009, 05:59 PM   #12 (permalink)
Let's put a smile on that face
 
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Location: On the road...
squeeeb +1
uncle phil -1

Sorry phil!
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Old 08-05-2009, 12:44 AM   #13 (permalink)
Sitting in a tree
 
Location: Atlanta
oh see now I like that one lol
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Old 08-05-2009, 02:14 AM   #14 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
uncle phil's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: upstate
Q. What does it mean when the Post Office's flag is flying at half-mast?

A. They're hiring
__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.
uncle phil is offline  
Old 08-06-2009, 02:41 AM   #15 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
uncle phil's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: upstate
Q. Why do Driver Education classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?

A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it...
__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.
uncle phil is offline  
Old 08-07-2009, 02:49 AM   #16 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
uncle phil's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: upstate
Q. What do you call a Mississippi farmer with a sheep under each arm?

A. A pimp.
__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.
uncle phil is offline  
Old 08-08-2009, 04:56 AM   #17 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
uncle phil's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: upstate
Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe...
__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.
uncle phil is offline  
Old 08-09-2009, 04:37 AM   #18 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
uncle phil's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: upstate
Q How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the ' F' word?

A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell 'BINGO!'
__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.
uncle phil is offline  
Old 08-10-2009, 02:45 AM   #19 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
uncle phil's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: upstate
Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

A. A northern fairytale begins, 'Once upon a time...' and a southern fairy tale begins, 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit...'
__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.
uncle phil is offline  
Old 08-10-2009, 08:09 AM   #20 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: My head.
I start most my stories with "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit ...", also.
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Old 08-10-2009, 11:31 AM   #21 (permalink)
Crazy
 
IdeoFunk's Avatar
 
Location: to
lol well done phil
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...out here in the perimeter there are no stars...
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Old 08-11-2009, 02:58 AM   #22 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
uncle phil's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: upstate
Q. What did the Chinese couple name their retarded baby?

A. Sum Ting Wong
__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.
uncle phil is offline  
Old 08-26-2009, 06:48 PM   #23 (permalink)
We work alone
 
LoganSnake's Avatar
 
Location: Cake Town
What do princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common?

Their last hit was the wall.
__________________
Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques
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Old 08-26-2009, 07:15 PM   #24 (permalink)
Master Thief. Master Criminal. Masturbator.
 
SSJTWIZTA's Avatar
 
Location: Windiwana
<<< has TONS of racist jokes, but will refrain from using them.

for some reason i think racist jokes are hilarious, no matter who they're directed towards.
__________________
First they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the communists and I did not speak out because I was not a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist
Then they came for me And there was no one left to speak out for me.
-Pastor Martin Niemoller
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Old 08-26-2009, 07:18 PM   #25 (permalink)
We work alone
 
LoganSnake's Avatar
 
Location: Cake Town
Quote:
Originally Posted by SSJTWIZTA View Post
<<< has TONS of racist jokes, but will refrain from using them.

for some reason i think racist jokes are hilarious, no matter who they're directed towards.
Agreed. I love racist jokes.
__________________
Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques
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Old 08-27-2009, 03:49 AM   #26 (permalink)
Insane
 
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Location: South Africa
y'all gonna make me wet my pants.
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Old 08-27-2009, 04:59 AM   #27 (permalink)
Functionally Appropriate
 
fresnelly's Avatar
 
Location: Toronto
How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
THAT'S NOT FUNNY!!
__________________
Building an artificial intelligence that appreciates Mozart is easy. Building an A.I. that appreciates a theme restaurant is the real challenge - Kit Roebuck - Nine Planets Without Intelligent Life
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Old 08-29-2009, 05:54 PM   #28 (permalink)
Upright
 
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Location: Sydney, Australia
What's worse than 10 dead babies in a trash can?
1 baby in 10 trash cans

^_^
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Old 08-29-2009, 10:24 PM   #29 (permalink)
Upright
 
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Location: NC
This is how i like to answer the phone!!!

Thank you for calling Julies abortion clinic you rape em, we scrap em!!!!
__________________
ur money baby!!
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Old 09-01-2009, 08:33 PM   #30 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: My head.
Q: What did the blind gay guy say to the other guy when he was eating his ass out?
A: "I can't see shit!"
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