04-21-2003, 12:46 PM | #1 (permalink) |
pinche vato
Location: backwater, Third World, land of cotton
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Beer Drinker's Troubleshooting Guide
Beer Drinker's Troubleshooting Guide
Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet. Fault: Mouth not open when drinking or glass being applied to wrong part of face. Solution: Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect. Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; beer unusually pale and clear. Fault: Glass is empty. Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint. Symptom: Room is spinning. Fault: Somebody is spinning your barstool. Solution: Vomit on person doing the spinning. Symptom: Feet cold and wet. Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle. Solution: Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling. Symptom: Feet warm and wet. Fault: Loss of self-control. Solution: Go and stand beside nearest dog. After a while complain to its owner about its lack of house training. Symptom: Lap cool and wet. Fault: Drooling on yourself. Solution: Change position so that you are drooling on someone else. Symptom: Bar blurred. Fault: You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass. Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint. Symptom: Bar moving. Fault: You are being carried out. Solution: Find out if you are being taken to another bar. If not complain loudly that you are being hijacked. Symptom: Bar looks like a circus. Fault: You're at a circus. Solution: Go to a bar.
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Living is easy with eyes closed. |
04-22-2003, 12:47 PM | #13 (permalink) |
Crazy
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I don't know how many times I've said "Never again" the morning after.
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"I had never really thought about it before," Det. Dern said. "But obviously, giving an elephant an enema can be a very dangerous activity and not something that should be attempted alone." |
Tags |
beer, drinker, guide, troubleshooting |
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