Gunslinger - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Xixox · 04-20-2003, 10:33 PM

In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest gunfighter in the world. He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn't yet first-rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong.

Sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, he recognized an elderly man seated at the bar who had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West in his day.

The young cowboy took a seat next to the old-timer, bought him a drink, and told him the story of his great ambition.

"Do you think you could give me some tips?" he asked.

The old man looked him up and down and said, "Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a lil' lower down on your leg."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.

"Sure will," said the old-timer.

The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his .44
and shot the bow tie off the piano player.

"That's terrific!" said the cowboy. "Got any more tips for me?"

"Yep," said the old man. "Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That'll give you a smoother draw."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the younger man.

"You bet it will," said the old-timer.

The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, then shot a cufflink off the piano player.

"Wow!" said the cowboy. "I'm learnin' somethin' here. Got any more tips?"

The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. "See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it."

The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.

"No," said the old-timer, "I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.

"No," said the old-timer, "but when Wyatt Earp gets done playin' the piano, he's going to shove that gun up your ass and it won't hurt as much."

gonzoak · 04-21-2003, 03:44 AM

good one

forgotten_dream · 04-21-2003, 12:58 PM

*ROFL* Just because you can, doesn't mean you should.
Now he just needs to find the old man with the reputation of fastest runner.

Baz · 04-21-2003, 06:50 PM

Good one.

ratbastid · 04-21-2003, 06:52 PM

BWaaa ha ha!!! Nothing better than an Earp joke!

hiredgun · 04-21-2003, 07:08 PM

hahahahhah nice!

Cynthetiq · 08-17-2007, 11:15 AM

nice!

SirLance · 08-19-2007, 06:36 PM

Oh, that's excellent!

Push-Pull · 08-20-2007, 07:27 AM

Sweeeet! That's gonna be repeated.....

Ilow · 08-21-2007, 06:24 PM

hee, another good one!

Sion · 08-27-2007, 06:53 PM

reminds me of this old one:

A guy goes to the doctor as he is feeling ill. The doctor runs some tests and gives him the results: AIDS.

"Oh no, not AIDS. Doc, I'll do anything, but you have GOT to cure me."

The doctor tells him "Ok, here's what I want you to do. Go down to Mexico for three weeks. The first week, eat nothing but jalepeno and habanero peppers. Week two, eat nothing but bean burritos. The third week, eat nothing but drink as much of the local water as possible."

"Will that cure me Doc?"

"No, but it WILL teach you what your asshole is really for."

04-20-2003, 10:33 PM	#1 (permalink)
Xixox Crazy Location: MN-WI	Gunslinger In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest gunfighter in the world. He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn't yet first-rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong. Sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, he recognized an elderly man seated at the bar who had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West in his day. The young cowboy took a seat next to the old-timer, bought him a drink, and told him the story of his great ambition. "Do you think you could give me some tips?" he asked. The old man looked him up and down and said, "Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a lil' lower down on your leg." "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man. "Sure will," said the old-timer. The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his .44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player. "That's terrific!" said the cowboy. "Got any more tips for me?" "Yep," said the old man. "Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That'll give you a smoother draw." "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the younger man. "You bet it will," said the old-timer. The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, then shot a cufflink off the piano player. "Wow!" said the cowboy. "I'm learnin' somethin' here. Got any more tips?" The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. "See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it." The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun. "No," said the old-timer, "I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all." "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man. "No," said the old-timer, "but when Wyatt Earp gets done playin' the piano, he's going to shove that gun up your ass and it won't hurt as much." __________________ Incompetence When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there's no end to what you can't do.

04-21-2003, 12:58 PM	#3 (permalink)
forgotten_dream Psycho	ROFL Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. Now he just needs to find the old man with the reputation of fastest runner. __________________ "A ouija board just works better if you've made it yourself. It's sortof like how 'Clue' is more interesting when one of you has actually killed someone."

04-21-2003, 06:50 PM	#4 (permalink)
Baz Psycho Location: North	Good one. __________________ - Baz

08-17-2007, 11:15 AM	#7 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	nice! __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION!

08-19-2007, 06:36 PM	#8 (permalink)
SirLance Junkie Location: In the middle of the desert.	Oh, that's excellent! __________________ DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes.

04-21-2003, 03:44 AM	#2 (permalink)
gonzoak Tilted Location: oz	good one

04-21-2003, 06:52 PM	#5 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	BWaaa ha ha!!! Nothing better than an Earp joke!

04-21-2003, 07:08 PM	#6 (permalink)
hiredgun Addict	hahahahhah nice!

08-20-2007, 07:27 AM	#9 (permalink)
Push-Pull I'll ask when I'm ready.... Location: Firmly in the middle....	Sweeeet! That's gonna be repeated..... __________________ "No laws, no matter how rigidly enforced, can protect a person from their own stupidity." -Me- "Some people are like Slinkies..... They are not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." -Unknown- DAMMIT! -Jack Bauer-

08-21-2007, 06:24 PM	#10 (permalink)
Ilow Junkie Location: Pats country	hee, another good one! __________________ "Religion is the one area of our discourse in which it is considered noble to pretend to be certain about things no human being could possibly be certain about" --Sam Harris

08-27-2007, 06:53 PM	#11 (permalink)
Sion Dumb all over...a little ugly on the side Location: In the room where the giant fire puffer works, and the torture never stops.	reminds me of this old one: A guy goes to the doctor as he is feeling ill. The doctor runs some tests and gives him the results: AIDS. "Oh no, not AIDS. Doc, I'll do anything, but you have GOT to cure me." The doctor tells him "Ok, here's what I want you to do. Go down to Mexico for three weeks. The first week, eat nothing but jalepeno and habanero peppers. Week two, eat nothing but bean burritos. The third week, eat nothing but drink as much of the local water as possible." "Will that cure me Doc?" "No, but it WILL teach you what your asshole is really for." __________________ He's the best, of course, of all the worst. Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...