The Science Diet Diet - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

SirLance · 04-30-2007, 02:05 PM

I was in PetsMart buying a large bag of Science Diet for my dogs and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........ Duh!

Smartass that I am, I told her no, I was starting the Science Diet Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

Her eyes about bugged out of her head. I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Science Diet and simply eat a handful every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her. Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital.

I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls when a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.

Willravel · 04-30-2007, 02:12 PM

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! That's one of the best humorous short stories I've read as of late. Very, very well played, sir.

MexicanOnABike · 04-30-2007, 06:31 PM

wow! I've read this before but its still a great one!

Jetée · 04-30-2007, 08:03 PM

That is a great story there SIR.

Very nice intro, backstory, and then, the killer punchline!

Classic.

Push-Pull · 05-01-2007, 06:03 AM

Bwahahahahahaahahahahaahahahahahahahaahahahahaha!!!! Now that sir, is funny!!! R)

04-30-2007, 02:05 PM	#1 (permalink)
SirLance Junkie Location: In the middle of the desert.	The Science Diet Diet I was in PetsMart buying a large bag of Science Diet for my dogs and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........ Duh! Smartass that I am, I told her no, I was starting the Science Diet Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. Her eyes about bugged out of her head. I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Science Diet and simply eat a handful every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her. Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital. I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls when a car hit me. I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door. __________________ DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes.

04-30-2007, 06:31 PM	#3 (permalink)
MexicanOnABike Location: up north	wow! I've read this before but its still a great one! __________________ - Movie Reviews - Ratings-

04-30-2007, 08:03 PM	#4 (permalink)
Jetée The Reforms Location: Rarely, if ever, here or there, but always in transition	That is a great story there SIR. Very nice intro, backstory, and then, the killer punchline! Classic. __________________ As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world (that is the myth of the Atomic Age) as in being able to remake ourselves. —Mohandas K. Gandhi

05-01-2007, 06:03 AM	#5 (permalink)
Push-Pull I'll ask when I'm ready.... Location: Firmly in the middle....	Bwahahahahahaahahahahaahahahahahahahaahahahahaha!!!! Now that sir, is funny!!! R) __________________ "No laws, no matter how rigidly enforced, can protect a person from their own stupidity." -Me- "Some people are like Slinkies..... They are not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." -Unknown- DAMMIT! -Jack Bauer-

04-30-2007, 02:12 PM	#2 (permalink)
Willravel ... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.	HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! That's one of the best humorous short stories I've read as of late. Very, very well played, sir.