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Old 04-30-2007, 02:05 PM   #1 (permalink)
Junkie
 
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Location: In the middle of the desert.
The Science Diet Diet

I was in PetsMart buying a large bag of Science Diet for my dogs and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........ Duh!

Smartass that I am, I told her no, I was starting the Science Diet Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

Her eyes about bugged out of her head. I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Science Diet and simply eat a handful every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her. Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital.

I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls when a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.
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Old 04-30-2007, 02:12 PM   #2 (permalink)
... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.
 
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! That's one of the best humorous short stories I've read as of late. Very, very well played, sir.
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Old 04-30-2007, 06:31 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Location: up north
wow! I've read this before but its still a great one!
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Old 04-30-2007, 08:03 PM   #4 (permalink)
The Reforms
 
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Location: Rarely, if ever, here or there, but always in transition
That is a great story there SIR.

Very nice intro, backstory, and then, the killer punchline!

Classic.
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Old 05-01-2007, 06:03 AM   #5 (permalink)
I'll ask when I'm ready....
 
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Location: Firmly in the middle....
Bwahahahahahaahahahahaahahahahahahahaahahahahaha!!!! Now that sir, is funny!!! R)
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