The Navy Retirement Plan - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

maleficent · 09-05-2006, 10:13 AM

The American Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those
two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.

The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "From the tip of my weenie to my testicles."

It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received.

But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.

The medical officer arrived and instructed the Chief to "drop 'em," which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's weenie and began to work back. "Dear Lord!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?"

The old Chief calmly replied, "Vietnam."

Sage · 09-05-2006, 10:53 AM

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

I'm glad I wasn't drinking something when I read that... monitors are expensive....

rockogre · 09-05-2006, 11:12 AM

Good old chiefs, God love em, no one else will!

SirLance · 09-05-2006, 02:48 PM

Oh, that is funny as hell, and applies equally to master sergeants.

balefire88 · 09-05-2006, 04:43 PM

Excellent. That chief is going to be rich.

Lady Sage · 09-06-2006, 06:23 AM

Oh, oww... I just snarfed my morning milk!

indebut · 09-08-2006, 11:21 AM

one of the best ones I have heard in awhile

KungFuGuy · 09-08-2006, 04:34 PM

if he lost his nads in nam, then he deserves every inch that he can get!

nice one, although it did make me go into that little involuntary cringe mode.

neddy65 · 09-13-2006, 02:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sage

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

I'm glad I wasn't drinking something when I read that... monitors are expensive....

I WAS drinking something but I missed the moniter

CSflim · 09-18-2006, 04:39 PM

Hahahahaha. That's a great one! Completely unexpected punchline!

nrclark · 09-19-2006, 09:41 PM

very fine one ... i cringed a bit also ... ouch!

hotzot · 09-26-2006, 01:12 AM

wicked funny!!

Blackthorn · 09-27-2006, 08:51 PM

That is oustanding!!!!

gerard chapman · 09-28-2006, 12:45 AM

that's funny stuff!

Griffith · 09-30-2006, 08:51 PM

That actually got one of those weird inward suction-laughs. Ahh, it's good to be annoying when you're jovial.

Also: ew

09-05-2006, 10:13 AM	#1 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	The Navy Retirement Plan The American Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be. The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000. The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000. The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "From the tip of my weenie to my testicles." It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received. But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer. The medical officer arrived and instructed the Chief to "drop 'em," which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's weenie and began to work back. "Dear Lord!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?" The old Chief calmly replied, "Vietnam." __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

09-05-2006, 10:53 AM	#2 (permalink)
Sage hoarding all the big girl panties since 2005 Location: North side	HA HA HA HA HA HA HA I'm glad I wasn't drinking something when I read that... monitors are expensive.... __________________ Sage knows our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's She answers hard acrostics, has a pretty taste for paradox She quotes in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus In conics she can floor peculiarities parabolous -C'hi

09-05-2006, 11:12 AM	#3 (permalink)
rockogre I aim to misbehave! Location: SW Oklahoma	Good old chiefs, God love em, no one else will! __________________ Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, Jesus Christ and the American G. I. One died for your soul, the other for your freedom

09-05-2006, 02:48 PM	#4 (permalink)
SirLance Junkie Location: In the middle of the desert.	Oh, that is funny as hell, and applies equally to master sergeants. __________________ DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes.

09-05-2006, 04:43 PM	#5 (permalink)
balefire88 Tilted	Excellent. That chief is going to be rich. __________________ "Today is the beginning of the rest of your life."

09-06-2006, 06:23 AM	#6 (permalink)
Lady Sage Mistress of Mayhem Location: Canton, Ohio	Oh, oww... I just snarfed my morning milk!

09-08-2006, 11:21 AM	#7 (permalink)
indebut Crazy Location: Ohio	one of the best ones I have heard in awhile __________________ Serving the world one drink at a time

09-08-2006, 04:34 PM	#8 (permalink)
KungFuGuy Insane	if he lost his nads in nam, then he deserves every inch that he can get! nice one, although it did make me go into that little involuntary cringe mode.

09-18-2006, 04:39 PM	#10 (permalink)
CSflim Sky Piercer Location: Ireland	Hahahahaha. That's a great one! Completely unexpected punchline! __________________

09-19-2006, 09:41 PM	#11 (permalink)
nrclark Tilted Location: Canada	very fine one ... i cringed a bit also ... ouch!

09-26-2006, 01:12 AM	#12 (permalink)
hotzot We're having potato pancakes! Location: stalag 13	wicked funny!! __________________ The Bully Boys are here!

09-27-2006, 08:51 PM	#13 (permalink)
Blackthorn Beware the Mad Irish Location: Wish I was on the N17...	That is oustanding!!!! __________________ What are you willing to give up in order to get what you want?

09-28-2006, 12:45 AM	#14 (permalink)
gerard chapman Upright	that's funny stuff!

09-30-2006, 08:51 PM	#15 (permalink)
Griffith Upright Location: Denton, TX	That actually got one of those weird inward suction-laughs. Ahh, it's good to be annoying when you're jovial. Also: ew __________________ na naa, na na na na na na naa, na katamari damacy