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-   -   The Navy Retirement Plan (https://thetfp.com/tfp/tilted-humor/108215-navy-retirement-plan.html)

maleficent 09-05-2006 10:13 AM

The Navy Retirement Plan
 
The American Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those
two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.

The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "From the tip of my weenie to my testicles."

It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received.

But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.

The medical officer arrived and instructed the Chief to "drop 'em," which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's weenie and began to work back. "Dear Lord!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?"






The old Chief calmly replied, "Vietnam."

Sage 09-05-2006 10:53 AM

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

I'm glad I wasn't drinking something when I read that... monitors are expensive....

rockogre 09-05-2006 11:12 AM

Good old chiefs, God love em, no one else will!

SirLance 09-05-2006 02:48 PM

Oh, that is funny as hell, and applies equally to master sergeants.

balefire88 09-05-2006 04:43 PM

Excellent. That chief is going to be rich.

Lady Sage 09-06-2006 06:23 AM

Oh, oww... I just snarfed my morning milk!

indebut 09-08-2006 11:21 AM

one of the best ones I have heard in awhile :)

KungFuGuy 09-08-2006 04:34 PM

if he lost his nads in nam, then he deserves every inch that he can get!

nice one, although it did make me go into that little involuntary cringe mode.

neddy65 09-13-2006 02:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sage
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

I'm glad I wasn't drinking something when I read that... monitors are expensive....


I WAS drinking something but I missed the moniter

CSflim 09-18-2006 04:39 PM

Hahahahaha. That's a great one! Completely unexpected punchline!

nrclark 09-19-2006 09:41 PM

very fine one ... i cringed a bit also ... ouch!

hotzot 09-26-2006 01:12 AM

wicked funny!!

Blackthorn 09-27-2006 08:51 PM

That is oustanding!!!! :lol:

gerard chapman 09-28-2006 12:45 AM

that's funny stuff! :D

Griffith 09-30-2006 08:51 PM

That actually got one of those weird inward suction-laughs. Ahh, it's good to be annoying when you're jovial.

Also: ew


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