Cat Physics - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

maleficent · 04-26-2006, 12:54 PM

>^,,^< Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

>^,,^< Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there's a really good reason to change direction.

>^,,^< Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

>^,,^< Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

>^,,^< Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

>^,,^< Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.

>^,,^< Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any countertop that has anything remotely interesting on it.

>^,,^< Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

>^,,^< Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

>^,,^< Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

>^,,^< Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.

>^,,^< First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

>^,,^< Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

>^,,^< Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

>^,,^< Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

>^,,^< Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.

>^,,^< Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

>^,,^< Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

>^,,^< Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.

>^,,^< Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

Dilbert1234567 · 04-26-2006, 01:40 PM

Quote:

>^,,^< Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

It goes deeper then that, the amount of attraction is directly proportional to the difference in color between the cat fir and the clothing color. For instance, a black cat’s fir will fall off of black pants and fly towards your nice white sweater.

lilfle · 04-27-2006, 10:45 AM

wow thats great, i love these things about cats, my cat fits into allof them, he's hillarious, and i love him for it

nezmot · 04-27-2006, 10:54 AM

more cat physics.

Lady Sage · 05-26-2006, 04:01 PM

Cats were worshiped as Gods once and have never forgotten.
Cats are the chocolate chips in the cookies of life.
Cats are like potato chips, you cant have just one.

My Queen cat however... She is special, lay your head on her side and she will cuddle and purr you to sleep whenever you are upset or just because. She is surely an Angel.

Elphaba · 05-26-2006, 06:43 PM

I have been plagued by unwanted Siamese cats. In addition to the ordinary physics of cats, the Siamese introduce pure evil. Note the absence of any sort of smilie. grrrrr

Lady Sage · 05-26-2006, 07:55 PM

Siamese get the "who loves kitty" award. They think they are all that and a box of rocks and all you really want to do is put them in a box with rocks and shake it really hard in an effort to knock some sense in them. They are a very needy breed and will act out in most annoying ways unless you spend copious amounts of time doting on them. But I love them anyway. What can I say? I'm glutton for punnishment.

04-26-2006, 12:54 PM	#1 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Cat Physics >^,,^< Law of Cat Inertia A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse. >^,,^< Law of Cat Motion A cat will move in a straight line, unless there's a really good reason to change direction. >^,,^< Law of Cat Magnetism All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric. >^,,^< Law of Cat Thermodynamics Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat. >^,,^< Law of Cat Stretching A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken. >^,,^< Law of Cat Sleeping All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat. >^,,^< Law of Cat Elongation A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any countertop that has anything remotely interesting on it. >^,,^< Law of Cat Acceleration A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop. >^,,^< Law of Dinner Table Attendance Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served. >^,,^< Law of Rug Configuration No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long. >^,,^< Law of Obedience Resistance A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something. >^,,^< First Law of Energy Conservation Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible. >^,,^< Second Law of Energy Conservation Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping. >^,,^< Law of Refrigerator Observation If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat. >^,,^< Law of Electric Blanket Attraction Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light. >^,,^< Law of Random Comfort Seeking A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room. >^,,^< Law of Bag / Box Occupancy All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond. >^,,^< Law of Cat Embarrassment A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter. >^,,^< Law of Milk Consumption A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can. >^,,^< Law of Furniture Replacement A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

04-27-2006, 10:45 AM	#3 (permalink)
lilfle Upright	wow thats great, i love these things about cats, my cat fits into allof them, he's hillarious, and i love him for it __________________ this is me, i'm lil fle

04-27-2006, 10:54 AM	#4 (permalink)
nezmot Registered User	more cat physics.

05-26-2006, 04:01 PM	#5 (permalink)
Lady Sage Mistress of Mayhem Location: Canton, Ohio	Cats were worshiped as Gods once and have never forgotten. Cats are the chocolate chips in the cookies of life. Cats are like potato chips, you cant have just one. My Queen cat however... She is special, lay your head on her side and she will cuddle and purr you to sleep whenever you are upset or just because. She is surely an Angel.

05-26-2006, 06:43 PM	#6 (permalink)
Elphaba Deja Moo Location: Olympic Peninsula, WA	I have been plagued by unwanted Siamese cats. In addition to the ordinary physics of cats, the Siamese introduce pure evil. Note the absence of any sort of smilie. grrrrr

05-26-2006, 07:55 PM	#7 (permalink)
Lady Sage Mistress of Mayhem Location: Canton, Ohio	Siamese get the "who loves kitty" award. They think they are all that and a box of rocks and all you really want to do is put them in a box with rocks and shake it really hard in an effort to knock some sense in them. They are a very needy breed and will act out in most annoying ways unless you spend copious amounts of time doting on them. But I love them anyway. What can I say? I'm glutton for punnishment.